Lived Experience Forum

[Determined]

@Former-Member

Thinking of you as you travel. 

[Former-Member]

 This is my hallway cleared out. A week ago it was much narrower - lined with overloaded with dusty books +6' high. 

Thank you all for you well wishes and travel prayers. However, I'm not done yet and solicitor moved settlement to 24th. Couldn't sleep since 2am so been busy. Bin morning so filling them up. 

Slipped yesterday, sprained left ankle, big toe & jarred knee 😞  but can walk in shoes - big toe quite swollen. 

Buyers insist I pay to have hot water system leak fixed so had electrician out - thermastat faulty (another expense, only a year ago since they fixed the same thing but apparently Rheme parts only have 3/12 warranty grr!  And the buyers have concerns I won't be out in time and went through their solicitor to demand 'vacant pocession' (which is why I've moved settlement to Monday).  However, this triggered me and I cried (alone) for two hours taking to God "I can't do this...". but i kinda got up again. Brain and body very tired. 

- bins & trailer full of rubbish

- another x5 boxes of books for local book exchange donation.

- x6 boxes for shed.

Rearranged shed to fit more in. Heavy work but plenty room left 3x3x3sqsq'sq

Cold here, betta keep moving. 0430

[Former-Member]

Wow @Former-Member that is a transformation.   Trust the extra time took a little bit of pressure off.

[Owlunar]

Oh @Former-Member

More stuff - I bet you feel as if this is a dream you can't wake up from - I have had them - usually under a General Anaesthetic - oh sheesh -  you will be so glad when this is over

Bad luck about the hot water service needing repairs - and moving the settlement date and getting triggered - I really feel for you alone and crying - telling God you can't do this but then - he gave you the strength to do it

You can walk away and leave whatever is left I think - a nuisance though - I have done that and lost things forever - but if we leave it to other people that happens so we do want to finish up properly - and about Rheme - yeah - 3 months is not much of a guarantee on repairs - really a huge let-down that one - 

I am thinking of you - and I am reminded myself - I remember driving from one suburb to the next with a single bed mattress hanging out of the boot of my car and hoping the police were elsewhere right then - they were - I left the family hope that day and never returned - and I needed that mattress to sleep on the floor in my new place - 

mmm yeah - enough

It does make a difference when you get the stuff done though - I have several bags of clothes, shoes, books and household stuff for charity to leave out at the front of the property on Monday - this has been accumulating because of winter and not wanting to leave the bags out in the rain - or I forget - they are supposed to come on Monday so I must remember - I do this as a routine - all the time so it's not a big chore but getting it out of the house is - wish me a fine night on Sunday so it will be out for the pick-up - 4 bags this time

And I see we are in for the hard rubbish collection soon and I have more stuff for that - 

So I have been doing my de-clutter too - I plan to dust my wall units today - I have noticed the dust with the sunny weather - I get asthma from dust so I wipe everything with a damp cloth

all the best Lapses - it will be different in Sydney - I will be thinking about that too

Dec

[Former-Member]

Good job @Owlunar with the x4 bags for pick-up. After this I will need to that more frequently. I have this washing basket full of shoes I forgot I had, good shoes, decisions decisions, but how many shoes do we really need?

I don't wanna go to Sydney & I can't stay 😞 awful delemma. Maybe ambivalence & difficulty making decisions is all part of depression. Is it emotional energy as well? I don't know anymore.

Mattress on the car roof 🙂 done that before 🙂

Damp dusting is the best with asthma. Breathed in clump of dust trying to get a picture off the wall this AM - chukky coughing fit & asthma now. Getting to all the old dust now. Asthma puffers & allergy pills activated 🙂

Thanks for connecting Dec, you do understand. Threw my girls shoes away my this AM, this was very hard, crying again just typing it, but did retrieved one pair - she loved doing pattern with colour laces. Never known anyone to ever do that. Oh how i miss her...

TOGETHER WE CAN!!!

You all seem to understand how it is fo... we're not alone. Thanks

[Owlunar]

You are right @Former-Member

United we stand - divided we fall

I am using so many metaphors today I might be sounding like a politician giving bad speech

When I drove with that single bed mattress it was hanging out of my boot - I have had serious surgery to my left shoulder twice - the second time I had an acriminoplasty - that is bone being removed - and that was between operations and I couldn't have got the mattress onto the top of my car - and that mattress was flapping dangerously behind me but I left that house never to return

I didn't mean to do this - I left the vacuum for my ex-h  - to clean the house but had the power disconnected because I had it connected to my new place and I have no idea what my ex did about that - there are times when we really do reach that point of not going any further - and then are times when we can be valid and not go this anymore - we have to draw a line in red pencil across the page

I do understand - as much as anyone can - we have so much in common

Dec

[Former-Member]

Wish my son would help, he came up once, father's day weekend & of cause saw his dad. He actually tx "I'd be there if I thought you needed me" which only makes me think I don't beg enough, but if I do I'm told "you're so needy" I thought I raised him better.

Just finishing my girls room. So many memories. So many ppl who didn't like me in her life. So many ppl back in sydney who don't like me. As a 13yr old she withdrew from me.

It hurts. Makes me 'not belong' Do u think itsits actually possible some ppl shouldnt be here? Blackdog biting my heels, bad today, hope I can outrun him and get through this all OK, alive. Start afresh somehow.

Just a quick stop, get the tears out. Struggling here. But made a soothing cuppa T

X3 more garbage bags on the trailer (3rd full 7x4x3' caged trailer), another x5 boxes for charity pickup monday. It's embarrassing.

Betta go

[soul]

Hey @Former-Member - sorry that I haven't been around these past couple of months. I'm having a mini catch up on what's been happening.

I take it that the house has been sold and you are finalising things. Sounds like you have had a major cull. Good on you for completing this mammoth task. When I left my marriage and my home, my ex threw out all my stuff. I had left with only what I could fit in my car at the time as I was going interstate. Then the house was sold and the divorce happened and because I was then living overseas and things were not amicable at all, I didn't make a claim on anything. My daughter managed to grab some photos and a few personal belongings of mine but I lost so much stuff.

I know most things are replaceable but yeah - I have really learnt how to live a minimalistic life. Sometimes I miss not having the things I used to - from kitchen items to knick knacks to whatever.  

Must have been really difficult going through your girl's stuff. I still have a typewriter from my Dad - the only thing really because no one wanted it and I saved it from being thrown away. It's a big item, weighs a ton and is totally useless and takes up space. But I have fond memories of him tapping away writing to his brother and friends back in The Netherlands.

How do you feel about living in Sydney? Are you staying with your Dad? How's everything else in general? I will try to check in more regularly. Have updated my own story briefly and tagged you.

Take care my friend. You can do this. You are so close now. New beginnings - new possibilities.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @soul,
Good to see you 🙂

[Former-Member]

Yikes re: ankle & toe @Former-Member how are you managing?