Lived Experience Forum

[Sans911]

I'm still here @Shaz51

Just before 8pm in my city.

It's ok @outlander

Can I help with anything? How is your new car? I'm happy to sit with you if that's all you want.

[Teej]

Hey @Sans911. 

Just a drop in to see how you are? Have you a busy weekend? 

[Sans911]

Hello lovely @Teej

I'm doing ok today, but I did want to knock myself out tonight. However, coming on here and having a lengthy discussion with Zoe helped with that.

Not a busy weekend. I have an Airbb guest coming about lunch time, so I'll finish making their bed(waiting on a sheet to dry) & finish the housework.

You seem to have calmed a little bit since you made the decision to go to respite. It's nice to see you in a bit of a better place too.

Any plans for the weekend for you?

[Teej]

Yeah I am @Sans911. Do you go through this too where everything is soo big you can’t make it through and then one day you find that things are manageable. I think I’ve had a reprieve from lots of stresses and slept well. It feels like it was such a huge week. 

I hope you’re guest is lovely and it’s a pleasant distraction. Will you take her out?

It was lovely to see you and Zoe have that discussion. It’s always lovely when we connect over something in common on the forum. 

Just a jump to the left but I was wondering if you’ve ever thought of fostering a kid. Please don’t read this as anything more than me thinking you have lots to give and your experiences may be really helpful. I’ve thought about it. In theory I’d love to, on a practical level there is no way I could right now. 

My eldest is back from his holiday interstate and is coming to visit tomorrow and I’ll go out with mum on Sunday. Nothing grand but enough to keep me out of trouble. I got my dog back tonight because I was coping better. I had really lost the plot earlier in the week. I need to try and be the master again with him. 

[Sans911]

Yeah @Teej

My SI/SH scale goes in full on crisis mode where everything is so wrong and nothing feels right at all except to exiting. I think you SH more to not go to that place, where I got very, very close to SA. Scarily close because it didn't feel like anyone I told about it gave it any attention.

I pretty much leave my guests alone as most are here for a purpose and are quite busy. However I do occasionally take them for a drive, and I help them with public transport information.

This woman is from France studying a postgraduate degree. She is looking for a place to live for a year. It did cross my mind that I could ask her, but after the fiasco with the last person, I like my space on my own, and I can ensure the rent and bills are paid with my reputation intact.

Yes, I have actually thought about fostering from time to time. I would have liked a daughter. But it's only been the imaging of my heart, because I never thought I could be capable.

The conversation with Zoe was really good and has healed the rift with had previously. I wasn't sure whether she would ever accept me again, but I gave her space to connect again on her terms.

A weekend catching up with family sounds nice for you. And seeing your dog too. I bet it missed you.

Thanks for your kind sentiments too. That's really sweet. I had a number of those this week; enough for my hurt heart and mind to feel a little soothed.

[Teej]

@Sans911 I go through phases with sh. I’ve had to be intubated and stopped breathing requiring medical intervention at attempts in the past. I know enough to know what it will take and how it would feel to go. I think you are right though in that I’ve been trying much harder to get through in the last 6 months or so. In the past I would have definately attempted in the last two weeks. I don’t know what happens from here. I think that maybe I have too much vested in the new therapy hoping to find a purpose which is helping me to keep fighting the urges. 

I have a feeling you’d be totally capable and awesome @Sans911 at fostering. You have many more practical skills than me. My kids kind of grew up wild and disorganised because that is me. It’s truly amazing that they have got where they have in life. 

You never know you you might connect with the guest and work out well but it’s good you didn’t commit to anything. I’m petrified of that. No one will want to live with me. Chaos runs supreme in my house and life. I have lots of big obstacles to get through yet. 

My dog was very excited to be home. To tell the truth I’m not ready for him but I’ll cope. He is attached to me 24/7 and wants to play constantly. He won’t go in the back yard by himself and won’t be out of my sight. It’s lovely but full on too. 

I hope you have a nice weekend. Speak soon. 💜🤗

[Sans911]

Yes, I've had many of those SH experiences where I've wound up in ICU & been restrained due to trying to rip everything out. I was trying to add up how many admissions I've had in the last couple of years and it was scarily in the double digits.

What would that purpose look or feel like @Teej?

I'm almost wound down to sleep so I'll catch up with sometime soon. Thanks for the lovely chat. I've enjoyed it a lot.

[Teej]

Night @Sans911

 sleep well.

[outlander]

Morning @Sans911 @Teej and all who pass through. Hope its a good day for you 💜