Lived Experience Forum

[emg_1]

@Hope4me
A particular quote that I really resonate with that's on my wall is
'I'm not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my actions.'

[aficionado]

@emg_1and @Hope4me

Hope you people don't mind me responding to both your messages together.

The heat here has been terrible today, so I just stayed at home with my trusty air conditioner on!

@Hope4me

Wow, glad to kn ow you are into music! You know, music has always been my first love! You wouldn't believe it, but I have over 160 Gigabytes of music on my PC, and bought a spanking set of surround speakers just to be able to enjoy music!

I also used to be the vocalist of a local band during my university days (in my home country). We mostly performed cover versions of rock and metal songs. Aah, those were the days! My voice is not what it used to be, because I hvaen't sung in nearly 7 years now and haven't taken care of my voice. I still occasionally sing to myself, but I find it hard to hit certain notes without hurting my vocal chords!

When it comesd to listening to music, I do not restrict myself to specific generes. I just enjoy good music, irrespective oif the genre

@emg_1

Thanks for your suggestion about meetups. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked well for me in the past (although I only tried in for a limited period of time). What I noticed, was that people at these meetups usually came there in  groups of two or more, so they had known people among them already (which made it easier for them to expand their circle). Since I used to be by myself, I felt kind of left out, and it was hard for me to break in to conversations. But that was a few years ago. I have grown more confident as an individual now, so perhaps I should give it another try!

Oh, and it is really motivating to see the progress you are making! Hope you do have a fulfilling and happy life in your 30s and beyond! I can relate to you in a way, when you say that you were expected to be an adult and deal with BPD. And it isn't easy at all. But keep your chin up, you are doing really well!

[Hope4me]

I really enjoyed reading your posts @aficionado and @emg_1

I need to pop out so when I'm back I'll respond. Looking forward to it...

Hope 

[MDT]

@aficionado hey

i agree that saying "it will get better eventually" gets banal and even annoying. It's worse when you are in the middle of a bad time and it doesn't seem like it's ending anytime soon and all you can do is think "things can get better"

Sometimes I have found that the best way to improve is to stop looking at my MH like it is a fight. IT requires a fight response, an attitude even. But I think sometimes viewing it like a fight can become arduous and annoying.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to view it more like a condition or just something that has to be dealt with - a bit like diabetes i guess. Sometimes I remind myself that it is bad enough having anxiety and depression and I don't need to make it worse on myself.

Food for thought

[Hope4me]

Firstly, a shout-out to @MDT. Nice of you to join in the discussion. What are you passionate about?

@aficionado

Your first love eh? (smiling) And in a band?! How wonderful for you! I've been on stage though under different circumstances, so I understand that rush. I love singing too but am no good at it. Ahh.. com si, com sa.  

I don't restrict genre either. Mood or location determines what I listen to such as driving or yearning to dance, though there are voices that can't be ignored due to sheer brilliance. I absolutely lurrrrve Andrea Buccelli! He's right up there with Freddy Murcury and Adele just to name a few. I'm also partial to a quality raspy voice. Then there's the writers; Sting comes to mind.. oh I could go on and on...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt_OkgSOrkU

There's a song or tune for every season and mood. For a few years I was triggered into anxiety and panic by music. Can you believe I grieved for it like a death in the family?Thankfully that time's over so it's again part of my world. How precious that is...

Who are your go-to artists and songs?

@emg_1

I'm actually really proud of you because I too know the struggle with replacing negative childhood programming. I also understand your issues with trust.

Teaching myself to identify boundaries and protecting myself was really hard as my beliefs were so dysfunctional and ingrained. I wish I'd had your insight and comprehension of the complexities of MI at 30!

I'm happy you're focused enough to read. I haven't been able to do that for so long, I'm even thinking of donating my books; thousands of $'s worth.

Travel is so worth doing when young. I did it but always alone as friends and family couldn't afford it, were scared of flying or leaving Aussie shores. If I had my time over I'd look for a travelling partner.

***

So everyone, I'm off to bed now - ...to sleep, perchance to dream; aye there's the rub, for in this sleep of death, what dreams may come? (Hamlet)

Hope xo 

[TAB]

https://youtu.be/tDl3bdE3YQA
Peace Out @Hope4me .. this is about as lame as I go so ok beats Sting etc lol 😸

[aficionado]

@MDT

I agree with your suggestion completely. And I fully realise that it is really helpful to just think of my illness has a condition that needs to be managed, and not a consistent battle. And I am trying to do that. For the most part, I have the situation well under control, thanks to therapy and meds. And I will certainly try to take it further. Thanks a million for your suggestion! Much appreciated.

@Hope4me

Wow, nice to know you have been on stage as well! In my case, auditioning for the vocalit's role was more of an attempt by myself to try and combat my intense stage fear. And while performing, I initially refrained from looking directly at the audience, since it made me really anxious. I eventually got past that. Not like we were playing to huge crowds. It was mostly just small private bars and local events.

And about my favourite artists and songs, it is really hard to choose a few. I mean, I listen to teen pop stuff from Backstreet Boys, brutal death metal by Cannibal Corpse, and everything in between! Haha! But I can certainly reveal what I DON'T like - and that is rap and hiphop! These are perhaps the only genres I just can't get myself to enjoy listening to!

And wow, you mentioned Freddy Mercury! I can't seem to get enough of his mesmerising voice!

[Hope4me]

Good morning @aficionado

Rap and hip-hop? Yes I agree; it's monotonous and crude. I commend you for braving the stares of onlookers while you do what makes you happy. And, with a MH disorder as well. Go you!! And Freddy? Oh what a powerhouse. I went to the cinema and seen the movie 'Bohemian Rhapsody' which was absolutely wonderful. The sound quality was amazing and the lead role was played with perfection. What an experience!

Being on stage to me is a chance at posing! Ha! I went to see a Cuban Music Troop; full of colour and the most amazing singers/dancers. I bopped along in my seat (sit-down performance in a packed theatre) when one of the performers pointed at me mid song waving me onto the stage. I pushed people aside with excitement getting up there.

She got me to do the Macarena with her, then this lovely dark skinned man swept me up and we did a latin dance together. (I took dance lessons in my teens) His surprised look and smile said it all as he swung me around while I played-up to the audience. At the end I bowed, hands held with them in a row and high on the crowd's standing ovation.

A man pulled me up in the street a week later, said I'd been great and congratulated me for being so brave. Ahh...fame; uh-oh...there's that humble streak of mine again. he he

It was and still is the highlight of my life, not just because it was fun and full of adrenaline, but I'd realised one of my dreams. One big tick off my bucket list...

Sigh.. it's nice to remember that experience. Thankyou for letting me share it with you...

Hope your last day of 2018's a good one...

Hope xo 

[MDT]

@Hope4me what a good question! It forces me to think lol.

I am passionate about understanding the way in which people operate. So the way they behave and the way they think. But more so how this effects choices in the political realm. I did my degree and finished it and now I'm trying to chase a passion. Let's hope it works out lol

[aficionado]

@Hope4me

Wow, I really enjoyed reading about your on-stage experience, and how it started off! And for some reason, it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside!

Bohemian Rhapsody was indeed a very well done movie! The recreation of the Live Aid performance was absolutely brilliant, to say the least!

You know, one of the reasons I moved out of my home country, was that the culture there was too traditional and conservative for my liking. I felt trapped, and I wanted a way out. I feel right at home in Australia, but my mental illness is preventing me from enjoying the stuff that this awesome country has to offer. I did all the hard work, and legally moved here after significant hurdles. And now, it feels like a bummer to be stuck in a rut.

I want to do so much. I'd like to start performing in a band again, even if it is only occasionally. I want to learn a dance form, I have always wanted that. I'd like to improve my cooking skills (I can only cook very simple, boring stuff now). Apart from that, I am also really interested in working in a couple of other countries for a few years, just for the experience. And there are lots more! I do not want to succumb to my mental illness, and throw away all my dreams and goals. At age 32, I often feel like time is running out for me, and it  may already be too late to start doing some of the stuff I really want to. Getting back to university was a start. Hopefully, I'll be able to continue ticking things off my list, in spite of my age and me not getting any younger.