Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

I have ruined a friendship with my obsessive behaviour and I'm feeling very regretful and sad about it. 

I don't fully understand my behaviour. This has only happened twice before in my life. I spoke to my therapist about it tonight.

I feel so awful about what happened. I have ruined a friendship with someone I care about. 

I think I'm overly sensitive to rejection and I have abandonement issues. It's like I become compulsive and I don't listen to the other person or respect their needs or boundaries. I can't stop my obsessive behaviour and I push the other person away.

I think I got too close to the other person too fast. I was too open with them and I made myself vulnerable. I think I need to be more careful with taking care of myself and being aware of other people's boundaries.

It took me such a long time to understand the impact of my behaviour on the other person. I feel so bad about my behaviour.

I feel so sad about it and I'm worried that I won't be able to have relationships with people. 

Maybe I have obsessive compulsive disorder, but this has only happened twice before so I don't know.

[Oaktree]

@Arizona 

Hi Arizona,

Firstly I am so sorry for your experience of loss and sadness. 

I too have abandonment issues. Both parents and half my siblings abandoned me and then people that I got close with over the years either left or died. I tend to enmesh with other people. I need them to stay in my life so badly that I push them away because I am too desperate. I don't know really why I do this, I just know that I really don't have any friends. I wish you luck in dealing with your issues into the future. Hopefully you can work it out with the help of your therapist.

Best wishes,

Meggle

[wellwellwellnez]

Valuable insights. I can sense that you're engaging in a lot of positive intervention. With a lot of these things, the earlier you can recognise the signs, the better. Also important to be okay with having the smaller obstacles (before they get ... you know). It's ok to stumble and its ok to have regrets.

[Owen45]

Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing. Wish I could actually have a friend !

[Lost9]

Hi @Arizona @Owen45 @wellwellwellnez @Oaktree ,

my father was in the Navy and we had to move every few years. A lot of people have come and gone in my life. Firstly, it is hard to make friends when people already have their set of friends they feel comfortable with. People have often told me I try to get close to quickly. I guess they think I am desperate and back off when I am just naturally friendly and open. Possibly too open, too quickly. People would know a lot about me in a short period of time because I just blurt out whatever I am thinking. I lack a certain filter. Other times, I keep quiet especially if I think I would say something contentious. Then they complain I am too quiet. Obviously there has to be a balance. When I was young I wanted to befriend everyone and many people let me know I am not for them. I learnt that not all people get along and now I prefer to be with others of my own type where I won't be gossiped about nor vilified. Only problem there is that they are more my parents age than mine and many friends are dying at that age. Obviously I treasure their friendship but I'm afraid in the not too distant future I will have no friends. But who knows, maybe I will meet some more I have an affinity with. In a long winded way I am trying to say you probably have not met enough people you jell with but they are out there. Try not to get to discouraged by the loss of some. They weren't for you but you probably will meet some other like minded people in the future.

lost9

[Appleblossom]

@Arizona 

Sometimes obssessions may strain or make relationships more difficult, but then again interpersonal authenticity involves some level of revealing our attitudes, preoccupations and passions.  There is implicit risk in sharing.

Friendship is a great mystery to me, and I am fairly low in confidence about it. 

Success seems to be about compatibility, or timing, and not just the things we feel and do within the friendship. 

This weekend I received 2 calls from people whom I had given up hope in, and am glad we are back on some track.  Wish something I say could make it easier.

Glad you received lots of great responses from @Lost9 @Oaktree @wellwellwellnez @Owen45 

Take Care

Apple

[Arizona]

Hi @Appleblossom @Lost9 @Owen45 @wellwellwellnez and @Oaktree 

Thank you very much for your replies. They are very helpful. I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. I have been feeling very depressed today. I will come back and reply soon.

[Owen45]

Thanks Appleblossum, you are lucky to receive calls from people.  Unfortunately I don't receive any calls.  Anyhow, that's life. Regards, Owen.

[Owen45]

That's Ok, thanks Arizona for your reply.

Regards, Owen

[wellwellwellnez]

I'm totally the same @Owen45 . People be like, "I'm so sad because I just had a break-up". And they're sad. and they should be.

But, still like "How nice for you to get together in the first place. What's your secret?"

Don't get me started on people talking about their financial worries. "You have FINANCE!?! Why aren't you just buying happiness then?"