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[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @Trishcarer 

have you tried Autism Australia or Autism Queensland 

my 3 stepsons were all diagnosed with ADHD when they were young and it has followed them and I am very sure 2 of them have ASD

sending you lots of hugs as I am learning more as my husband throughout his life has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar2, OCD, Depression and anxiety  and now his Mental health team thinks he has High functioning ASD which he wants to get a proper diagnosis  

We live in regional QLD is hard , I know as I live in Far north Queensland 

I was told I have to find a specialist that is a ASD specialist 

I am tagging @Jynx here as might have some added suggestions

@creative_writer , @Bon_courage , @PizzaMondo , @Former-Member 

[Jynx]

Thanks for the tag @Shaz51 

Hey @Trishcarer sounds like you're carrying a lot! Totally agree on your point about the term 'gifted', I think it sets up unreasonable expectations and sets people apart, rather than looking at it through a lens of like.... human beings can be all sorts of different neurotypes and everyone will have areas of strength and of weakness. I'm a former 'gifted kid' myself, and got diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20's. Been a wild ride of insight, understanding, processing, and adjusting since then. 

You're also right that there's a lot of emphasis placed on individual responsibility for one's mental state, and not enough recognition of how our environment, socio-economic context, and the systemic barriers all around us have influence over whether or not we can function, let alone thrive. 

I can only offer a few ideas I'm afraid, one of them being the website ADDitude - it's oriented towards ADHD. Though I do often find that there's a lot of overlap with ADHD and ASD. Hopefully some stuff there could be helpful. They have a whole section on parenting. 

There's Autism Awareness and Aspect you could look into, as well as maybe Carers Australia? And if you think it could be helpful to also get some interim support for yourself (sometimes just having someone to talk to makes a huge difference in my experience) you can see if our Guided Service might be a good fit for you.

Always an open book if you wanna ask me anything about my experiences, and of course also if you ever wanna vent I'm here to listen as well 😊💜

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hi @TGKC 

I'm not sure if you got a response from this post but I just read it and really wanted to reach out.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind at the moment, I don't blame you for feeling so worried. From the sounds of it you are doing a great job of being there for your daughter. As someone who went through an incredibly rough time as a teenager with my mental health I would have given anything for my parents to have any mental health awareness, the fact you even went to a training is incredible.

I don't think the worry will ever go away, just as mental illness doesn't ever fully go away either. I like to use this diagram a lot when talking about grief and worry as it helps me best understand.

These big emotions of grief and worry sometimes never go away or shrink, especially when they are related to people we care deeply about however as life goes on, our circle of our life fills up with more memories and experiences. While sometimes you'll still hit that circle of fear, it happens less and less often as life goes on (I hope that makes sense)

I guess what I'm trying to say is clearly you care deeply about your daughter so that fear will always sit there with you, just like if someone you loved got in a car crash, you would always be worried every time after they got in the car.  But it does get easier.

From what you've sort of said it seems like there hasn't been a lot of previous conversation with her around mental health. But now I assume it is more frequent. As this conversation continues she will hopefully feel more comfortable to open up with you and express how she is going.

I would also say, if she is making poor choices and being disrespectful a great approach may be to try having a calm conversation about this after she has calmed down and just talk with her about whats happening and how her actions may make you feel.

As long as you are trying (which clearly you are) there is no need to feel like you have to walk on egg shells. I would just try being open and honest with her, have a conversation about your concerns and let her know how you are feeling. 

I really hope this helps, and also would love to know how her first day back at school went?

[TGKC]

Hi @LilMapleLeaf 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Your diagram really connected with me. It sums up my grief right now, 6 weeks post the suicide attempt - things have returned to our new normal… my worry for her is definitely still there, however life really does not stop.

She is on school holidays now, and will return to the swing of things next week... Her grades have taken an incredible nose dive, with her very first ‘E’ ever. We have completed some subject changes for term 2, to try and ease some pressure for the remaining year. Her health comes first.

One really nice thing that I think has come from all this - she is now talking about becoming a nurse when she finishes school, because of the nurses who helped her when she was at her very lowest. What great people we have working in our healthcare system. 💕

Our communication has gotten a lot better since my last post. I asked the same questions to one of her psychologists, and they sent me through some really helpful podcasts talking about the teenage brain and how to have meaningful conversations with teenagers.

It’s helped a lot with the “walking on eggshells” emotion I was experiencing. If there are any other parents on here in a similar situation, I highly recommend listening to Nathan Wallis. The link my psychologist sent is:

https://www.nathanwallis.com/pages/teen-brain

We have been blessed with two weeks annual leave and school holidays. I guess the next test will be returning to school, and seeing how she handles it. I am so much more aware now… I will be watching for the signs.

thank you.

TGKC

[tyme]

Hey there @TGKC and @Trishcarer ,

I haven't had the chance to say hi yet. We are glad you have found your way to the forums here.

Being a carer can certainly be tough. Yet being able to read about and share our own experiences can make it only that bit more bearable.

I hope you are both okay this evening. I'm hearing things can get exhausting.

[Shaz51]

hello @Trishcarer 

How are you going today xx

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hi @TGKC 

Absolutely, it really connected with me when I first saw it. Especially when you talk to people and they say "It gets smaller as time goes on" just didn't sound right to me as this person I've lost or this situation I've lost matters to me and I don't want that significance to decrease as time goes on. But as my life gets fuller it doesn't take up so much space and I liked that analogy.

That's such a great idea to change things, I know my grades took a dive when I struggled with mental health through high school (but honestly high school grades don't matter at all anyway) There are so many ways to get to different careers now a-days. I mean even myself, I failed some exams after some time off high school and now years later I'm getting distinction marks at university in studying psychology (humble brag 😂) I'm going to include another image that I really love, it's about failure and all these amazing people who started out with huge failures before they became successful. 

Those links seem amazing! I'm glad to hear you've been able to get support from her psychologist as well and I'm glad to hear communication has been getting better.

I think if you both can try and keep real open and honest communication with each other, even when it's hard and it hurts, it's going to help a long way and it seems you are both on that track! I hope you both have a lovely holiday break, sounds like it's definitely needed. 

[tyme]

Hello @IluvRosie ,

How are you going? I wanted to check-in with you as I know this is a really difficult time for you in terms of accommodation etc.

Please know we are thinking of you.

[Supportivemamma]

Hi, I’m a mum of two older teens. One who is struggling a lot with depression and suicidal ideation and I’m looking sir support.  I’ve walked this road with him for many many years. He recently went off his meds and I just feel completely lost. 

Im usually a fun bubbly person but of late feel very out of touch with that. I also don’t want to be a mess as my daughter worries. 

I have a good supportive husband although he often doesn’t understand. 

my son also has ASD 2. 

Any direction on what chat to join would be appreciated. Never used anything like this before 

P

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @Supportivemamma ,

I hearing how hard raising teens are, let alone teens who are really struggling with their mental health.

I can see how this must be impacting your own mental health and wellbeing.

I'm sure the community here would love to share their insights. What I can do is create a support forum for you so people can respond.