Welcome to the Friends, Family and Carers Forum! Introduce yourself here 🙂

[Firefox]

Hi - new member to this forum. Actually new to any online support. I’m a mum to an early 20s daughter with mental ill health. She is on a mental health plan but went to a different GP than her usual to get that started. As a first step he prescribed antidepressants, even before she had her first appointment with the psychologist. Is that normal? When she was concerned about potential nausea he also prescribed anti nausea meds. She is seeing a psychologist. She does not talk to me or the rest of the family about what she’s going through. I don’t know what to do. Feeling helpless. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Firefox, thanks for joining the Forums and sharing with the community!

It sounds like you are going through a challenging time with your daughter at the moment. You are demonstrating your resilience and strength by reaching out to your peers in the community. It's hard to be vulnerable and you are being brave in sharing your story here.

GP's can provide antidepressants and anxiety medications as a first step in treating mental health issues though you usually need to go to a psychiatrist to get other medications and a diagnosis. Some medications have known side effects and other medications can help with that but it's best to talk to your doctor about these.

It can be really hard to talk about your mental health and particularly with your parents. Maybe in time she might open up to you and you being supportive like it sounds you are which is very helpful. 

I hope this has helped to give you some understanding.

Take care 

RiverSeal 

[Louloubell]

I'm a newbie.   Its hard to know where to start but here goes......I have two adult daughters, the oldest has been diagnosed with complex PTSD and possibly DID (Dissociative Identify Disorder) due to the abuse she experienced at the hands of her biological father (deceased) when she was a child.   I had left him when she was about 5 years old (the other child was 2 at the time) due to domestic violence perpetrated by him.  Unfortunately, he still had access to them after we had separated and little did I know that he had been sexually abusing the eldest during access visits.  Anyway, she eventually disclosed in her mid-twenties (after her father had taken his own life) and it's been hell ever since.  She is incredibly brave, intelligent, creative, talented and troubled and has been accessing therapy for herself for quite a few years.   The next hammer blow - she has recently been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and this has understandably sent her spiralling down.  She is so very angry with me most of the time - and can get quite aggressive.  I have just started having counselling for myself to try and find a way to be of best help to her and to stop myself from losing my own sanity.  Anyway, this is a first step....that has probably been a long time coming.  But I am tired of feeling so alone in this struggle and I can't really share with a lot of my friends due to my own shame and embarrassment.  I don't know if anyone else has felt the same?  Thank you

[Ru-bee]

Welcome @Louloubell, I'm glad that you've found this space and have been able to share your story here.

It sounds as though it's been an incredibly difficult time for both your daughter and yourself. It can be extremely isolating carrying the weight of this around, especially when shame or embarrassment prevent us from sharing with those around us. I do want to let you know that you're not alone in this, and I hope that engaging here will help to make that clear for you. 

It's great that you've been able to get support for yourself in seeing a counsellor, sometimes the best thing we can do for those around us is to focus on our own wellbeing

[Louloubell]

Thank you Ru-Bee.  

[Jrn299]

Hi everyone,

I think my partner has bpd, although not diagnosed. I only matched up his symptoms a couple of weeks ago; the fear of being abandoned, complaints of rejection, almost anything can be a trigger, no matter how inoffensive, the episodes of rage lasting hours, the escalating self harm and suicide threats, and the changing opinion of me as a wonderful wife who he loves dearly and would do anything for, to the "I can't trust you, you don't care, you can't meet my needs, I want a divorce, etc" 

I'm so tired of being screamed at, and not knowing what I'll come home to. I've signed up to a family connections course and bought a book, but I would love any advice on what help we can get in Sydney.

Thanks 

[tyme]

Hey @Jrn299 ,

Good on you for taking the step to reach out. 

BPD is certainly rocky for not only the person but for anyone close around them. 

I have BPD, and I was an 'angel' to people out there, but as soon as I was around people I was close to, the real me came out. It was not because I was putting it on (as some people said), but moreso, I think I was exhausted from masking all day, that when I came home I let loose.

Whatever it is, abuse is NOT acceptable. One thing that really helped me was when people close to me set clear expectations and boundaries. For example, we would have a discussion around my rage so that when I was upset, they would give me space, but they would always let me know when they were returning (and sticking to that time). This took away some of the fear of rejection.

As a borderline, I was very emotionally dysregulated. I felt like an emotional toddler trapped in an adult's body. People expected me to act as an adult emotionally, but I really didn't know how.

As much as you want to do what you can to support the person, it's important there are clear boundaries in place so that they are empowered to change themselves.

Project Air in Sydney is a good start. They often run psychosocial groups for those with BPD. These are free online sessions. 

This psychoeducation group for carers may also be helpful if accessible: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/education-training/training-for-the-community

As hard as the ride can be, it's certainly one worth while. You may be the one person your partner needs to help them find themselves and 'grow up' emotionally. You will then reap the rewards of a highly caring, passionate, intuitive partner.

All the best. Feel free to ask any BPD related questions. I'd love to have a go at answering them 🙂

[Georgia66]

I am a mother of a wonderful young daughter, 20 years of age, who lives with ADHD, social and general anxiety, possible selective mutism and possible autism. She lives with me. I find it almost impossible to help her in the ways I would like to. To let her go and live her own life, to not worry, to see her suffering and to realise, ultimately, her life and decisions are out of my control. She has good, professional mental health supports. She has been unable to work for 6 months. The balance between support and independence evades me, and I feel as if my brand of support does not always help and more often causes distress to her. I would dearly appreciate knowing I am not alone, and also to offer support to other parents where I'm able.

[Jynx]

Hey @Georgia66 - you're definitely not alone. I think finding the right balance between providing support and encouraging independence is a very common struggle that many carers face. 

I wonder if it might help to sit down with your daughter and have a chat about it? Ask her what support looks like for her, whether there's things she wants more or less of, etc. and let her decide what might be most helpful going forward. How do you think that would land with her? 

[Fyne]

Hi

I am supporting an amazing family member.

I am his advocate!