Thats okay @Anastasia
Like I said, it was a long time ago.
And its not about me now, its about you.
Yes I recall feeling all of those things you feel - betrayed at the top of the list, but very much up there too was broken, unwanted, empty, confused. And for me, a strong feeling of not being good enough. What did I do wrong, was I not good enough? It really hurts, I know.
I don't know if its a matter of these people being cruel, or not. I don't think that even comes into their thinking. Its perhaps more a case of 'entitlement'? I don't know. Obviously I'm not in their head, so I cannot know.
I suppose you have to ask the question first ... are you absolutely sure that he is cheating on you?
For me, I was sure. Because my husband had managed to pick up an STD and he had to notify me. Told me I had to go to my Dr and get tested. Thankfully I tested negative. Which made him so angry. I think he was hoping that I would test positive and then he could blame me. But when I was negative, it could only be from him. Anyway eventually the story came out that he had been having a fling with his overseas floozy every time he went over there on one of his boys trips. This occurred for 4 weeks every 6 months while I stayed at home and worked, and ran the farm. Silly me aye?
And yet he never did really accept the blame for that you know. He would throw it up at me years later, that it was me who gave it to him. Dont know how that works. Especially when his little fling overseas also tested positive. Anyway!!! Not about me.
Where was I? Oh yes. Are you absolutely sure he is cheating on you? And if he is, have you given any thought yet as to what you may do about it? Eg, work things out, or cut and run? Any thoughts? Perhaps its way too early at this stage. Its a tough one I know. But something you will need to start to think about.
I think its going to be a really rough weekend for you. Are you working?
