Topic Tuesday // Recovering our families // 26 July, 7pm AEST

[NikNik]

Hi all,

What is the difference between individual recovery and family recovery? This Topic Tuesday we want to open up a discussion about how you as a carer or family member recover. We will be joined by Mel, who is a carer and peer support worker from HelpingMinds - who will chat with you about things such as:

·         Recovering as a family

·         Building relationships with your loved one while they are unwell

If you are interested in YOUR recovery, maintaining hope and staying connected with your family member or friend while they are unwell, please join us to pick up some tips and ask questions. 

[Kawasaki]

My BP husband has left me. He's gone overseas to give himself some time to deal with his demons. For the last few years we've managed really well but he says he's tired of fighting. His demons revolve around me. He's told me to move on but I can't let go. We message each other every couple of days, so I know he's safe and working hard. In photos he looks well. His messages swing with his moods. I'm worried, love him dearly, carrying on with my life as best I can. How do I tell if its BP talking, pushing me away or the real him? I'll always be here for him, is our contact helping or hindering? How do I maintain this relationship?

[Kisia]

Hi NikNik Im ready and waiting for the session to start to talk about recovery  🙂 

[Kisia]

Hi Kawasaki, 

I didnt realised the messaging was open already otherwise I would have replied sooner! Im really sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds really tough for both of you. Its really hard to tell where the mental illness starts and ends so I find it easier to live in the moment. Regardless of what is causing it if that is how he feels, that is how he feels. The big thing to remember is being honest about how you feel. Sometimes the person doesnt even know what is the illness and what is them. The uncertainty part youre dealing with is something I woudl recomend talking with a cousnellor about. You dont have to make any decicions now, and even if you did how you feel about it may take time. Just be true to your emotions and consider that both options are possible (him coming back or him not- for any reason). So it comes down to what you are ok with and how do you cope if he does come back or if he doesnt. Can you hold your life together waiting? Not waiting does that really change anything you do? Looking after yourself, being with friends, helping to build your life and the things that make you happy are good regardless of whether he comes back or not - and exactly what you woudl do in either case. Start there, go with how you feel, there is no right or wrong. 

[NikNik]

Hi @Kisia Welcome & thanks for tackling @Kawasaki 's question 🙂

Did you want to share a bit about yourself and HelpingMinds?

[Shaz51]

Hello @Kisia and @NikNik

[Kisia]

Sure; HelpingMinds is based in WA and use to be called Arafmi. We offer supports and services to carers and family members of someone with a mental illness. We also run an online Famiyl Recovery program which is available across Australia and in New Zealand 

[Kisia]

Hi Shaz51, welcome to the forum

[waves]

Not sure what "recovering our families" means.

We need to "recover our community"

We need changes in stigma, jobs, housing.

Families cannot "recover" on isolation

[Kisia]

Waves I do agree. I use to hate the concept family as my "family" were not supportive of me or my mum due to her mental illness which meant our family broke apart. It actually made me quite angry. But then i realised if they only knew more, less of the stigma, and more support to EVERYONE in the family this might not have happened. And now, regardless of why, I look at how can be HEAL the whole family. This might not be my biological family, it might only be a few people, it might be my close friends and neighbours. But how do we all heal and grow and connect despite the mental illness and its effects on all of us.