Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mol]

Hi

After 10 years of supporting my daughter I have found I really don't know who I can talk to who will understand. She has BPD, depression and anxiety and a addiction to weed. She has had persistent strong suicidal thoughts for past 5 days which she disclosed to me last night. She's 23 and currently in the middle of starting new antidepressant with a psychiatrist. I thought it was a side effect but her psychiatrist (who is not in this town) says on phone call today this is very rare. I can support with self harm, addiction, BPD moods swings and severe clinical depression but this is a whole new level for me - I'm totally thrown and can't settle. She describes her whole being pushing her to end her life and the urge is very strong. Refuses ED and GP at this moment - I'm working on it. The pressure is real....

[tyme]

TW: Suicidal Ideation

Hi @Mol ,

Thank you for sharing what has been happening for you and your daughter. It sounds like a very scary place to be in.

Does your daughter think she will act on the suicidal thoughts? As much as she probably does not want to go to ED, if it keeps her safe, then that is certainly an option.

At the same time, I should share that I have BPD and I have chronic suicidal ideation. I think about suicide all the time (it hasn't been 5 days - it's been about 20 years!). At first, I used to try at fight it off. I'd get so upset with myself for having those thoughts.

This was until I worked with a highly specialised psychologist. We worked on learning to sit with the unpleasantness of suicidal thoughts. To learn that it is OKAY to have these thoughts. Sounds weird, eh?

Yet here I am. I HAVE BPD. I HAVE suicidal ideation. AND, I have a life.

Maybe a chat to your daughter that having these thoughts is not wrong or harmful. Rather, it is the ACT that is harmful. So as long as she can keep the thoughts as thoughts, it is good to practice some self-care and self-compassion.

Don't quote me on this, but having suicidal ideation is very common for those with BPD.

If you see me in real life, NO one would have any idea I have these thoughts all the time. It used to be a battle for me, but not anymore.

HOWEVER, if you do feel she is in danger, it is of utmost importance that she gets the help she needs.

[Mol]

Thank you so much! This has helped a lot to clarify things.

She has talked about suicidal thoughts before but always more vague and related to being overwhelmed about things or reactional to something. It was just how she described a distinct recent shift in her thoughts recently to having to hold her body back from actioning on thoughts - its scared her and me.

If its not a medication side effect she's devastated that she's getting 'worse' after recent improvements (we've actually found a new awesome psychologist who specialises in BPD who's seeing her weekly and were travelling to a new psychiatrist who has seen her twice now to clarify diagnosis and change medication) Things were finally looking a bit positive after she left work over a year ago due to deteriorating mental health. 

Thank you so much for sharing. It helps me to understand from a different perspective.

[tyme]

Please let her know from me that I am 'normal', yet I have these thoughts all the time. To others, it sounds abnormal, but to borderlines, it's a daily occurrance. @Mol 

I really hope she gets the support she needs. 

I had two sessions of weekly therapy for 18 months to help me change my unhelpful thinking patterns. BPD is a very slow moving condition. It takes years to build up and years to recover from. 

Also, know that BPD recovery does not mean an absence of symptoms, but rather, that you can live effectively with them.

I honestly honestly feel I have the best life out now. To this day, I am in awe at how much I have changed - for the better. I learnt to embrace BPD rather than see it an an enemy. I've learnt to embrace life and give myself the permission to live.

Look after yourself. BPD can be very tiring for carers. I have found that healthy boundary-setting was most important for carers. 

As much as I haven't 'seen' you or your daughter, I really feel like I need to give you both a hug. What you have shared is so close to my heart.

Hugs to you both.

[PeppyPatti]

 hello@Mol @tyme 

I'm not going to write " your dillema is so much worse than mine 

but I feel I can reach out and .....through the computer ...  Just hold your hand. 

 Just throwing out some ideas here-

Will a warm shower with you standing by the door help her just for the next hour ?

A cup of tea ?

A warm bath with you sitting by

A small walk just to get out of the home ?

I remember when my little son was going through hospitalizations he loved hearing the story of his birth and how amazed and thrilled it was when his little body appeared and how much I loved him.

Would this be something that would help her ?

Please stay in touch x

[Panda_Bear]

I'm 41 and it's only been pointed out to me that I have bpd in the last month. 

I was in a relationship for nearly 10 years with someone that displayed all the characteristics of bpd and narsesistic personality disorder. Obviously that's totally different.

What I really get from my close friends, GP's and support workers is for them to just hold space with me. Connection and understanding has really opened my world.

It's not an easy thing to do but really being honest and creating a meaningful connection with each other might help. Don't get me wrong. You may have that? 

It sounds like it's been really hard. My heart goes out to you both.

[Eniac]

Greetings. This information worries me. It is unfortunately common for the different levels of BPD to be misdiagnosed and thus ineffective medication applied. It is also quite common for BPD to be misdiagnosed when actually being schizophrenia, as they share similarities in psychopathy and psychiatry. Suicidal thoughts with effective medication in BPD is extremely unusual and weed certainly does not cause such thoughts. Maybe paranoia, when used by people with other conditions, but no, not suicide.

I'd suggest re-evaluation. Perhaps a reputable doctor. It will cost a touch more than the local blokes, but serenity on the home front and a happy life perhaps saved I believe is an absolute. 🙂

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Eniac Thank you for your posts this morning, I am hearing your concern and I feel you are being supportive. I am just going to send you a brief email about the Sane guidelines. Please look out for that, thank you!

[Eniac]

Yes. I'm well aware that refraining from advising medications and naming therapists is an issue, which I have avoided. But, I refuse to support a dark well of basic control when people request real and serious help. I fail to decipher any difference between my honesty and empathy with that of others whom suggest potentially life threatening issues are normal and your  own submissions of which directions to take, off the site. How is that any different? Should we all be banned? So, our position is to tame and redirect.. not to actually assist with resolution and suggest possibilities of such? Is that where we're going..?  😎

[PeppyPatti]

@Eniac 

How are you today ?