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Christheart
Senior Contributor

Struggling to keep going

Hey. I really don't want to just be remembered as a sad story. I just want to live a normal life. 

Mental illness is fighting and struggling to get through every single day. 

It's so exhausting? 

I went to a trivia night Friday night, I live with my mum (I'm 27) and she asked me to go. I was really anxious the whole time, I didn't know how to make charming small talk like all the other people. I saw some of the cool kids from my highschool,  it was like a bad dream? Why am I doomed to be awkward, shy and anxious forever? Why am I so dim ? Why has my medication stopped working? 

When will God put an end to my misery and take my away from this confusing difficult world? I feel like such a failure, I'm worried that soon I won't be able to manage going to work. Why can't I stop thinking, obsessing over my failures?

I don't want to be a sad story, I hate sad stories. I love happiness, and joy, and laughter. It's so hard to keep forcing positive thoughts into your mind manually, because if I let my guard down for a second it becomes completely undone, and I become totally insane, obsessing, obsessing, obsessing. 

The only thing that recently made me feel less alone were reading other people's stories in the forums. 

I hope I feel better soon. I hope my mind is brighter tomorrow. 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Struggling to keep going

Hey @Christheart  I’m sorry you’re struggling so much with your mental health issues at the moment. I too suffer from anxiety and find social situations overwhelming and often think why can’t I just relax and enjoy life like others do. It’s hard work and exhausting. I recently came across Dr Claire Weekes book called Self Help For Your Nerves which is putting a new spin on how to handle anxiety issues for me. You can also find her on YouTube and might be helpful for you too. Know that you’re not alone with your struggles as many suffer the same issues and understand. I wish for you peace of mind 🙏

Re: Struggling to keep going

@Christheart, people we can communicate with and feel comfortable with are rare from my experience. Small talk is uncomfortable when it doesn't lead into a more meaningful conversation. Don't think it's you, it's people. 

 

For what it's worth, I am a reasonably confident person in the right company, but I went to a class several days ago where the 'teacher' completely undermined my confidence. If I hadn't known my abilities, I would have assumed it reflected on me and not the person 'teaching'. I could have allowed him to make me feel inadequate and incompetent. I went home and looked into the subject online and was able to understand that it was all quite simple really, just took time to pull all the pieces together. Just as it does for everyone else.


I hope you find a comfortable place soon. In the meantime, develop
yourself. Find what interests you and develop that interest and others. And take care. Cheers.

Re: Struggling to keep going

@Christheart 

I went somewhere new yesterday and still had all the old feelings of anxiety.  Yep the cool kids from school can put a spanner in our works, but do not let them get to you.  They will recede into your past, and bit by bit find the things that do give you a lift.

Re: Struggling to keep going

@Krishna it's such a comfort knowing I'm not alone, and that there are others like me x

Re: Struggling to keep going

@Historylover 

Thank you for your encouragement. Putting myself down and doubting my intelligence is a huge burden for me at the moment. I hope and pray to feel comfortable soon, thank you

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