Hey there..... I'm just going to jump straight in.
I am in my mid 50s and was diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, CPTSD 15ish years ago.
I am desperately seeking advice about relationship with my adult son, and whether I am thinking clearly or being paranoid. He is about to become a Dad for the first time and although it started out fine,
I'm sensing strongly that he's distancing me.
I live 3 hours away from him and his partner, but try to visit once every few weeks when convenient with them and text and call weekly. I have been respectful of boundaries, generous financially and done my utmost to be emotionally, socially acceptable. I don't want to make it all about me.....my focus is about them and my first grand baby.
Anyway.....the last message I got from my son about a week ago was all ok, but the final sentence was ....next time I see you, I'll be a Dad (Bub's due 3wks).
It seems like a passive aggressive way of saying don't visit again until baby's born, but I can't ask him what's wrong cos I don't know if I'm reading it right.
Although I replied with love and joy, I have been tearing myself apart since. I hate myself so much...for so many reasons. I wouldn't blame them if they don't want me in their lives. But I might be wrong, and even asking about it is going to make it worse either way.
On the other hand.....I am a smart, interesting, open woman who has overcome unbelievable traumas and offers unconditional love and support to my son and his new family.....I should stand proudly up for myself.
Aaaargh.....waffling.....sorry.
Please tell me....should I just back right off?
