Running

[avant-garde]

@Jynx waiting patiently for you to reply didn't exactly help

I feel broken and worthless and as if I'm still pregnant, like something is missing

[Jynx]

Yeah I bet it didn't @avant-garde and I am very sorry that it resulted in you feeling forgotten and left behind. Oh and to be thinking you'd upset me too? I know that feeling, it's highly unpleasant. I hope it has eased off now. I truly am sorry hun. 

I can imagine that filling out that form brought up soooo much, it could potentially be like a body flashback? I dunno if this is helpful or not but we got some tips for coping with flashbacks here. Reminding yourself of the fact that you're safe, and far away from those moments in time, can also help. 

Do you have anyone you can call or reach out to if things get really heavy tonight? I'm about to log off so I can't keep chatting but I want you to feel safe and supported!! Even if it's just a way to pass the time, buzzing Lifeline or SCBS is always an option 💜

Maybe we can chat more tomorrow if you're about? Sending you soooo many hugs!! 

🫂🫂🫂🫂

[avant-garde]

*screams*

[avant-garde]

@Ru-bee ?

[Ru-bee]

I'm here @avant-garde 

It sounds like you had some very intense emotions triggered yesterday. How is that all sitting for you this morning?

[avant-garde]

@Ru-bee 

I can't say they're any easier right now, stupid new memories, more grief, more loss, more pain

Content/trigger warning

i keep wondering how many more he killed... how many times I was "given" the special pill

It hurts so much

[Ru-bee]

Those are really heavy memories to relive and wonder about @avant-garde I wish that I could take away some of that pain for you, but I can sit here with you 💜

[avant-garde]

@Ru-bee 

I feel like atlas sometimes... the weight of the world on my shoulders...

I named them all...

[Ru-bee]

I hope that sharing here lets you feel like you're able to share that weight a little @avant-garde I'm always here to carry what I can for you 

[avant-garde]

@Ru-bee 

I've had so so many people say that I'm too much for them and I get so scared to share this weight because I don't want to lose them too...