Running

[avant-garde]

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@avant-garde wrote:

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@avant-garde wrote:

@Jynx every time I disagree with her she would push so so hard to prove why she's right, that even when I didn't want to talk about something she would make me talk about it to prove why she's right. 

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@tyme 

The sessions have been less about what I want to get out of it and more what she wants me to understand... I'm glad I only have one session left... but if I'm honest I don't want to go anyway... She's not open to feedback... It's like in Matilda

I'm smart you're dumb

I'm big you're little

I'm right you're wrong

And there's nothing you can do about it

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I'm a smart and clever person, the panic around seeing him again and that word... it proves that he did something wrong... I have come a long way to recover... to improve... my trauma brain may overreact to interpersonal issues, but but I I think it reacted appropriately to him... and that my SW she was wrong... she was wrong

@Jynx 

[Jynx]

@avant-garde I think you can trust your gut on this one hun. Your gut isn't gonna lie to you about your feelings. 

I can tell how much effort you've put into your healing. I think one of the challenges of recovery can be learning when our gut instinct is right and when it's overtuned to danger that isn't real.

For me the kicker usually comes when I return to window of tolerance - and see how foolish I was behaving, cos I was reacting really big to a trigger and not a real danger.

But if you've come back into your window and you STILL feel like his behaviours were not okay? Then they probably weren't bloody okay were they!

I will have to bid you nighty night here darlin, but we can chat more over the weekend. 

*Delivers one last very gentle, reassuring hug* 

[avant-garde]

hi @rav3n 

[rav3n]

hi lovely! @avant-garde how are you?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

tired, warm, probably a little dehydrated but not sunburnt! went swimming today and I haven't figured out where the water fountain is there yet, so i used the one in the library, skulled 600ml in less than a minute and have refilled it now.

how are you

[rav3n]

@avant-garde oo swimming sounds fun, did you just go for leisure? or do you do lessons? yay for no sunburn!! that water must've tasted crisp, i feel like it always tastes way better after swimming.

i'm a lil sick but surviving! also a bit annoyed that i wasted money on a car diffuser that doesn't fit my air vent, and a pop vinyl that doesn't stick to my car 😅 do you collect pop vinyls?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n

i can't swim in overly chlorinated pools so finding a public salt water pool is difficult at best. Don't suggest the beach, I don't like seaweed unless it's on sushi. or sand for that matter, too many injuries...

I don't collect pop vinyls, but i did get a new deck of playing cards today!

Google wrote:

Car diffusers, beyond their primary use in vehicles, can be used to freshen up smaller spaces like closets, bathrooms, and even storage areas. They are particularly effective in areas that tend to develop musty odors, such as pantries or closets

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[rav3n]

@avant-garde oh i hate seaweed in the beach too! i once tried swimming in what i thought was a lake, and the seaweed got stuck around my leg - felt like i was going to drown. seaweed on sushi is defs most acceptable. 

and i didn't even know there was public pools with salt water! good to know though, i'd assume they're healthier in general to be around. did you have fun though? do you know all those swimming dives and styles?

love new decks of card! does this one have a special design or is it a plain deck? 

i got the car diffuser to help air out the smell of my car seats (i'm not a big fan of a strong leather smell) - i guess i can repurpose it for my bathroom or closet - thanks for that!

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

I just do walking laps, 700m today

The deck today is Turquoise Chronicles - This cover is based on the binding for a book titled Chroniques, published by Salel Binder in Paris in 1514. The exuberance of the design reflects the splendour of the Renaissance approach to decoration. In this green-blue journal cover you may see the intricacies of your own stories.

Putting a box of bicarb in the car door pocket works better than any diffusers i've found

[rav3n]

@avant-garde oh cool, 700m is good as! do you have a goal distance?

i searched up Turquoise Chronicles and the design looks beautiful!! love the colours too. you gonna be playing any card games soon?

interesting! i love learning lil natural hacks, i'm gonna add that to my list.