Lived Experience Forum

[Julia2019]

Hi @Teej 

Wow, three kids under 3, that would of been challenging to find any time for your self.

When I become a mum, I felt invisible, as everything became about the baby, It felt that there was no space for me.

Self care became a really important part of parenting for me and it was the simple things that I did that often left me feeling recharched.  Going to a cafe on my own, reading the paper and drinking a coffee while it was still hot, this made my heart smile again.

[Owlunar]

I was completely lost when I became a mum too and it last for years @eth @Jane06 

A premmie is one big deal - she didn't thrive until she was 5 and had her tonsils out - she could get sick in a hour and would be really ill

I guess you know about all this

My son though - never found a happy place unless he was playing with his lego - most people know he died - 

It puts things into perspective to realise we are not alone although being a young mum and losing our working identity is really hard - 

I went back to school when my kids started school - that was how I found myself - it wasn't easy though worth every minute

Dec

[cutiepiekitty]

@Julia2019 that is exactly why I help when we have our MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) group at the church. The mums get 2 hours to be with other mums while we look after the kids. They get to talk with the mums and have coffee without being interrupted or having to worry about the kids. It also helps when they are nervous about leaving bub because we are in t he same room and they can come and look through the window to check they are ok. The only time the mums are called are if they need a nappy change or are upset and will not settle. So often the mums tell us just how grateful they are to have that opportunity to be with adults away from littlies without actually being far from them. It is only 2 hours a fortnight, but many of them say how much they get out of that

[Julia2019]

Thanks everyone for sharing. We have one closing question to consider.

A lot of parents that we talk to at PANDA find being a new parent can be quite isolating – can anyone relate? What are the things you do to help maintain connections? 

[Owlunar]

Getting a break when our kids are babies is really important

When my daughter was born she needed a lot of time and so I put my son into day-care for a few hours each week - he loved it and although I still had the care of the baby she was really easy to get along with

My Dad paid for this which was a great help and it made a huge difference

Dec

[Sarzie]

That realisation that we aren’t alone in our struggles can be so helpful @Owlunar. How wonderful to be helping mums connect with each other so they too realise they’re not alone @cutiepiekitty

[eth]

@Julia2019  I've already mentioned a few things that helped me, but I'll add that social media wasn't around then and I think, if it's used in a healthy way, it can make a huge difference now.  People can find local groups, or even start them, much more easily these days.  For example my child, who is now transgender, has started a playgroup for 'rainbow families' - LGBQTIA+ parents and their children of any age are welcome and by doing this on fb have now connected with a few people in their local area and meet up face to face every fortnight for a couple of hours.  They also stay in touch by phone in between get togethers.  They also are part of a fb group where people help each other with all sorts of feeding issues where they made some really close friends over time.  So they truly have an online community that is very real in their lives.

[Teej]

I think to break the isolation it helps to join a new parent group as long as it’s the right fit for you. I had a group for the first three but had the fourth in a different city. That was really isolating. The only friend I had was my much younger neighbour but it still helped having someone there. 

@Julia2019 I think that having the three so close together meant that many of my mental health issues were masked by everyone just assuming life was too busy. It’s a difficult line as to someone struggling/coming to terms with motherhood which many do and what is mental health issues that would be helpful to be addressed. For me personally that was struggling with undiagnosed adhd (inattentive type) and depression. I very much wish I’d been diagnosed when my kids were little. 

[eth]

I have to go now.  Thanks a lot everyone who is here tonight.  It's been a great discussion, could easily have been much longer.  Take care all and thanks @Lauz @Sarzie @Julia2019 

[Owlunar]

Social media has made a huge difference to the world and for new mothers and young mothers this must make a huge difference

When we adopted our son I didn't even have the phone on - it made a big difference to have that connected but still I didn't have regular contact with anyone as I have done since I got onto the internet - 

It is so isolating when we have small children and babies and they can get sick so often and the Dad isn't always around which can be problematic - my ex lost interest in our son though he was a good father to our daughter - this was really hard to deal with and has left a sore spot in my heart to this day though it has ceased to be a subject for blame - it just was,

It's hard work and although I knew it would be hard work because my mother had no labour savig devices when my sister was born and I saw all this being alone with a baby was so unexpected and such a blast - when I was a child our grandmother lived with us and this must have made a huge difference which was support I didn't have

Dec