Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

Also agree about the mindfulness, have had councillors bang on and on and on about mindfulness when what I needed was to talk through my darlings issues and try to understand her pain and how to help her.  

[Shaz51]

Finding it hard to put my thoughts/ feelings into words ,, Me too @Determined 

sometimes I miss a clue

[NikNik]

@Determined & @Former-Member

I wonder if you feel comfortable challenging your thoughts around 'loving someone back to mental health'. I'm hearing that you both feel quite helpless in what support you feel you can provide and that you're not equipped.

If you think of it in a physical sense, if you were nursing someone back to physical health, we can only be responsible for so much. You can't stitch the person back together (okay.. unless you're a nurse / Dr), but you can be there to provide the supportive environment for that wound to heal. I know this may seem like I've over simplified, but what I'm saying is that you don't have to have all the answers.

In talking with people with lived experience, I always hear that the unconditional support of their loved one was what they needed. 

When our loved ones are in pain (physical or mental) all we want to do is take that pain away - so it can be challenging to feel like we're doing enough. 

[Former-Member]

@NikNik

I am hearing what you are saying.

I provide Mr Darcy with unconditional love to the best of my ability, I know that providing a loving supportive relationship leads to a better outcome. However, he will never be cured from bipolar.

One must have knowledge, if someone has a wound there are protocols such as keeping area dry, applying medication or dressings. In mental health there are also protocols, medications, sleep hygiene, therapy etc.

I do not understand many things and my knowledge is the barest tip of an iceberg but when Mr Darcy is not OK (ie the wound has developed an infection), expert help is necessary; it is so often feels like a fight to get appropriate help, sometimes that help is not forthcoming, this is why I feel helpless.

I know that even with treatment, those with serious wounds and infections sometimes do not make it. Early intervention is the key for the best outcome in mental health which is the whole point of RUOK.

Darcy

[NikNik]

I agree @Former-Member

Keep on educating yourself and fight to find the people / services that will step up. Sometimes it just takes stumbling across one individual who can make all the difference - which is unfortunate, but in my experience it's been one case worker, one psychologist or one GP that makes an amazing amount of difference.

[Former-Member]

@NikNik
You can be assured that this old chook will keep fighting, I will be the most unpopular person at Mr Darcy's community mental health service, no one wants to be stuck with the complainer BUT I will show appreciation when warranted.
Darcy

[Determined]

The biggest question I have @NikNik is what to do when the answer is 'I'm fine'  when you know they are not? I usually become hyper-vigilant this is so draining and not sustainable. 

So many times I have been in a state of panic because I knew things were not right but was being shut out. How do you remain calm and show your support when you can see the one you love falling apart before you and there is nothing you can do about it?

I am most thankful that my darling is opening up and discussing her thoughts and feelings more over the past couple of months, even when that meant going back to hospital when she didn't want to but so many times when I have contacted the dr with concerns and she hasn't  agreed with me I have been labeled as over reacting and out of line....

[Determined]

Like what @Former-Member mentioned, my darling uses a lot of energy to appear 'normal' when in public or with people, including pdoc, then I have to deal with the fallout when we get home. Because people mostly only ever see the the happy and content version I am seen as making things up (by my perception) 😕

One of her attempts was only hours after meeting with our church pastor and convincing him she was ok and I was just being unnecessarily paranoid. 

[Tinkerbell350]

I went and completed the Mental Health First course and did the ASISST training to help support my loved ones when they are not OK. 

I have found this to be a benefit, but can struggle sometimes due to the emotional attachement and hearing responses which I don't really want to hear but are very vailid for my loved ones.

I practice alot of self care to protect my and support myself. 

I think it is important for me to also look after me otherwise I am not going to be much help to my loved ones when they need my support.

[Determined]

I have also done the mental health first aid training @Tinkerbell350 a couple of years ago now. I did it for free through the university I attend and found it very useful. I also learned a lot about myself in the process.

Now they offer a different course that is not nealy as good.  I have the opportunity next week to do some staff training around responding to (how to respond to) disclosures of troubles. While that relates to my role as a student rep in a university setting I will be interested to see how I can apply it at home.