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Community Manager

Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

[ Edited ]

From Monday, 11 Sep – Friday, 15 Sep we are opening the floor to you to ask whatever you want about how you can respond when someone tells you they aren't okay.

We all know the importance of asking someone if they are okay - as carers many of us make sure we check in with our loved ones regularly. But sometimes the response can leave us wondering what we can say to 'fix things'.

Throughout the week, you can share your tips and strategies on how you respond to a loved one who shares they aren't okay. What have been the challenges? What has worked and what hasn't?

If you're not quite sure how to have these sometimes difficult conversations, we're also here to offer advice and support.

 

For more tips read our blog 'Five tips for responding to someone who isn't okay'

@Shaz51 - I saw you requested a notification reminder about this discussion, so here it is Smiley Very Happy

Senior Contributor

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

@NikNik
My husband is not OK. I know I cannot fix things. He injured himself in an attempt, he now has a complication at one of the sites and requires further surgery. Mr Darcy has no compassion towards himself in relation to the attempt (Dec 2015) or to having MI. I have not been able to detect hope or any sense of purpose since the attempt. We now know some of his increasing anxiety is because of pain and I now need to tackle his medications with the pdoc. My husband is 100% med and pdoc, therapist + case worker appointment compliant. His present diagnosis is BPii + anxiety + personality disorder NOS. Mr Darcy is not suicidal but he cannot see that he can recover in any way. I know there is a before and after and that things are different; he is not OK with this.

Please don't tell me to engage with mindfulness, it is not my cup of tea. I feel very strongly about this and will not enter into any conversation about it as I know it helps other forum members.

Thank you for listening.
Darcy
Community Manager

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

Hi @Darcy

Thanks for kicking off this week's Q&A session.

What resonated with me was your line about 'don't tell me to engage with mindfulness' - it seems like this is one of the go-to lines for someone who is trying to suggest solutions to someone going through a difficult time. Although mindfulness does show to be effective and people are well intentioned, we hear it a lot as a 'solution' (along with - 'you should get some exercise' and 'you should get out of the house' I hear those quite a bit too).

You haven't asked a question in your post, so I wasn't sure if you were asking a question to us, or sharing your experience and an example of what NOT to suggest to someone.

Please clarify though if you have a question for us or other members.

Senior Contributor

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

Sorry @NikNik

I did want some advice as to how to respond.

I strongly believe that we can live well in spite of my husband's diagnosis, I do not feel that all is hopeless. 

Darcy

 

Community Guide

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

Hi @NikNik, @Darcy

@NikNik, I find timing is the key for me , but it is very very hard at times as things build up and years ago i would ask "are you ok" and get my head bitten off

so if I wait , which is very hard we usually get down to the real problem that is worrying mr Shaz

Community Guide

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep

Hello @Darcy, @NikNik

I did want some advice as to how to respond.--- yes , i find it hard too @Darcy, what have you found that helps or not help when responding

Community Guide

Re: Q&A Info Session // RUOK? Tips for responding to someone who isn't okay // 11 Sep - 15 Sep