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Something’s not right

Senior Contributor

back to school nightmare


I just feel so sick- I am shaking & I can't breathe & I am drowning in nausea & anxiety, I can't stop crying.

I just dropped my daughter off the first day of school & she has so much separation anxiety-

she did not cope- she would not let go of my hand, was crying & looked physically ill -colour drained from her face.this gave me massive ongoing panic attack- everybody else appeared to be coping perfectly OK.

the two girls who have bullied her in the previous two years were both sitting next to her - I managed to change her seat but honestly out of a whole classroom they choose to sit next to her- she got understandably upset- I tell the teacher there is tension between the girls- the teacher says we need to work on friendship this Year!- I don't think everyone should be forced to be friends especially if there is bullying or physically harm involved- the girl that physically assaulted my daughter last year & lied about it- apparently, physically assaulted her again,  this morning my daughter took me outside to tell me!!I didn't see this but if this is the case- it is ridiculous-we told the teacher & the teacher said maybe it was an accident- upsetting my daughter because she didn't feel believed- ( I can totally see both sides)-

on top of that majority of parents refused to make eye contact with me- when I was deliberately going out of my way to make eye contact with them & with a smile on my face- they just act as if I am non- existant- even the mother who had my child at her house for a play date for three hours on the holidays- completely blanked me- even though she was standing right next to me & I was obviously trying to catch her eyes for what seemed like an eternity- she just looks straight past/ through me- why do people act like this? Why does this shit show happen every single time I venture into the outside ducking world. No wonder I have agrophobia!! I don't know how I can do this every day & manage my anxiety & stress & my childs anxiety & stress & deal with duckwits in my energy field throwing me off balance- duck-I wish I was not so sensitive! just exhausted before the year has even started.

16 REPLIES 16

Re: back to school nightmare

@Jojo7  Hi Jojo7 sorry today has been so awful for you and your daughter Smiley Sad. I remember my three kidults coming home at various stages and saying that they were bullied. Not badly as they dealt with it (made me as mad as hell though particularly with my disabled son2). Anyway what can one do but do exactly what you have done. Hopefully the teacher will get more switched on and observe the situation for what it is and keep these girls away from your daughter in class would be a start.

 

Ahhh don't worry about these mums ignoring you. I figure not everyone can like you and you don't have to like everyone either. I tell that to my children all the time - and myself when I am feeling rejected.Then again it could be a variety of reasons why people were non-communicardo this morning eg: Monday morning, husband troubles etc. Don't take it to heart. Just smile at them and if they don't respond it is their loss not yours.  greenpea xxx

Re: back to school nightmare

Thanks @greenpea & sorry to hear about your kids being bullied also- it is a horrible thing to happen to your children - I have a meeting w teacher to fill her in- but she wanted me to have the meeting w her & another teacher ( male ) also & I agreed & then had to ask for just a meeting w her as I have anxiety(which I told her) & don't think I could handle two teachers at once- particularly a male- as I have anxiety towards men from abuse-(didn't tell her) I felt like a complete idiot--
Also the teachers aid gave me a hug bcos she said I look like I needed one- which was lovely of her- but made me feel like a complete idiot also. Like its visible to people how much pain & trauma I am feeling.
I just feel so alone and like I can't cope & that is scary.
As for the mums/dads it is just a continuation from last year when we were new to the school & they were excluding & completely ignoring me- but saying hello & including others directly next to me-& i went into myself/ shutdown/dissociated I geuss just to make it through each day & the obvious to everyone including myself passive aggressive bullying-I didn't want it to be like that again- so was really trying to engage w ppl & just got the same being ignored which is so hurtful-
& the mum who had my child over did the same exact ignoring of me after school today- then when I was talking to a "popular" / outgoing mum she came up & was acknowledging me- then when that mum left completely blanked me again- I am so confused as she was ONE of the only genuinely nice mums who did say hello to me last year & I don't know if the play date went badly or my daughter has done something she didn't like at her house- but it went from play date & xxxx in messages on her behalf to complete ignoring.
I know I have abandonedment issues & that is a real trigger for me- it's just unbearable with my dad situation & the things my son said to me I am trying to block out but can't seem to get past the hurt.
My heart is broken, I feel so alone & my daughter is depending on me- but I feel I am going to breakdown in a heap & don't know what to do about it & don't have anyone to rely on for help if I breakdown so I can't. I also have insomnia which isn't helping- thankyou for your kind support 💖

Re: back to school nightmare

@Jojo7  Oh Jojo7 I don't know why people cannot be kinder to each other .... it is so much easier to be kind than to be mean. Reading your words made me shed tears (which is hard for me to do because of the medication I am on).  Keep us all updated with your daughter and you are definitely not an idiot. YOU are a caring, lovely mum who just wants what is best for her daughter and herself. Love greenpea xxx

Re: back to school nightmare

Hi @Jojo7. That does sound like a nightmare 😏 It's so hard when our kids are struggling and all we want to do is make it better but it doesn't seem we can. I think it's extra hard when we are struggling too.

Schools can be horrible for cliquey stuff, and not just for the kids! I'm now at the point where it seems @greenpea is/was where I don't really care too much abijt other parents if they're not friendly, though it took a bit for me to get there. I've found that in not caring too much I'm less anxious and maybe even more able to join in which in turn makes me less anxious etc. It was difficult for a while though especially when my kids just started and I too feel for you.

Are there opportunities to get involved in the school and/or your daughters class? It can be a great way to become part of a school community and to keep an eye on things. I found that kids tend not to stuff around with kids who have parents at the school a bit too, plus your daughter might feel more comfortable and secure having you around in class.

Really hope the meeting is helpful and not too hard for you.

Re: back to school nightmare

@CheerBear  Hi CheerBear yes if I cared about what people thought about me I would be a nervous wreck.  Personally I don't give a rat's *rse and that is the truth. I have learned to be mentally tough over time but none the less it does take practise and a belief in yourself.

Re: back to school nightmare

Hi @Jojo7 ,

 

You are not alone. Please don’t think that. There are a lot of us who care, and I actually understand what it is like, to be shunned, to have the world against you and still have others dependent on you to protect them. It can be overwhelming, but that is a mental state, not all of reality.

 

If you can find a moment to meditate a bit, then mentally step back and identify your feelings in your situation (or a scenario), it can help you to separate your feelings from the situation, and you will be better able to come up with a strategy to deal with it.

 

I don’t know if what I learned from my own situation would help you, or whether my case could apply to yours. I am just going to share it anyway. Hope it helps. In the past when I had to aggressively cope with my situations, people seemed to be afraid of me or offended by me. In retrospect, I think my feelings flowed out on to my facial expression, demeanor and tone of voice, and so people were seeing aggressiveness and franticness. Most of the time nowadays, my low self-esteem affects my countenance. I think I look worried and unsure, and people look like they think I am odd and tend to avoid me. On rare occasions when I felt at ease with myself in the past, people were generally at ease around me.

 

If people shun you for shallow reasons (materialistic or popularity), they are not worth your attention anyway.

 

It helps us cope, to keep in mind the positive things. I am glad that the teacher listened to you. I hope your daughter is having a better time now. And, a popular mom would talk to you, so you can just focus on the people who are nice to you.

Re: back to school nightmare

Thankyou so much for your support 😘 @greenpea
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Re: back to school nightmare

Thanks for your support- I understand what you mean with volunteering & i like to volunteer in her class to help- it is Really hard w my anxiety / agoraphobia tho 😘

Re: back to school nightmare

Aw thanks so much for your support @Dory 😘

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