Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Lillith]

Ok, so here goes, thank you if you make it through and hopefully I make sense.....Ill try to keep it as short as possible and if anyone happens to reply, even just to share in the confusion of parenthood, it will be greatly appreciated.

Here we go.

Background on me: (diagnosed so far but not complete as yet) manic bi polar, depression, anxiety, regular panic attacks, various random health issues.

Live with partner and 15yr old daughter.

2 sons- both live with their dads. Youngest by mutual agreement as he needs 1 on 1 attention and 2nd: MAJOR issues with his dad.

But this post is about my youngest son who is 8. Even as a baby he was very 'full on'., so when his dad and I split we agreed that it would be best to live with dad. As he has gotten older, his behaviour has gone downhill. Its honedtly like dealing with 3 different kids in one. He is either super focused, off the charts hyper or in what I can only describe as a depression. And he can switch so quick. Small things can trigger a total change. Focused- you cant get his attention Hyper- extremely difficult to get him to calm Depressed- will lock himself in a cupboard/hide and will not communicate, he just shuts off completely.

Now his 'depressed stage' has got to saying he wants to die, he is useless, noone needs him around, he hates everyone....the list goes on. I honestly don't know what to do. His dad is well and truely against therapy etc and beyond stubborn. 

He is also difficult at school, if he decides he doesnt want to do something and the teacher insists-as they should-he has a meltdown. Which usually consists of running away, throwing things, hiding etc. Even at home, telling him to go to bed or trying to get him to eat or anything really, if he doesnt want to can lead to a 3hr meltdown of I hate you and I wish I was dead or as he worked out tonight, locking himself in my wardrobe- handle is now removed.

I am so lost.....I dont know how to help him

[Wenna]

Welcome to the forum @Lillith, it sounds like things have been difficult for you. Many people find this forum a very supportive place. Wenna weekend moderator.

[BPDSurvivor]

Welcome @Lillith ,

How are you going? Just wanted to check-in to see how things have been.

Does your son, or has your son, seen the school counsellor or welfare officer? This is not so much "therapy" but could be a way he can learn to connect with someone and in time, communicate his feelings. 

Children spend much of their waking hours at school, and this means getting the school on board is a must in supporting your son. Most schools promote inclusivity and can work with your son and caregivers to come up with an Individual Learning Plan (ILP), particularly as his behaviour is affecting his schooling.

Early intervention is key to supporting children. It seems like the work must first be done in dad so that he sees that there is an issue which needs to be adddressed. Do you think the school could discuss this with him?

I really don't know much about your situation, so please forgive me if I have misunderstood anything.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

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[ShiningStar]

Hi @Lillith

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and thank you for sharing some of your story with

us 😊

The experiences that you describe sound complex and incredibly challenging. I can only imagine the distress that you; your son and family are experiencing at this time.

It’s really understandable that you would feel overwhelmed and concerned about what’s happening and confused about how best to support your son and identity a way forward. I think that many parents in your position would share similar thoughts and feelings.

Your son sounds as though he is experiencing a great deal of distress and emotional pain and that (in addition to the care and support that you are providing for him) he urgently needs some professional support; particularly as he is expressing thoughts about suicide.

You mentioned that your son’s dad is ‘truly against therapy’ and I just wondered if you knew what his concerns were about this?

I’ve shared a few thoughts about some points of contact / services that may be helpful for you:

Do you have a GP that you feel comfortable talking to about what’s happening for your son? They may be able to complete an initial assessment and arrange any necessary referrals so that your son and your family can access some support.

You mentioned that your son is experiencing difficulties during school and I just wondered if there was a Guidance Counsellor / Teacher that could offer some support. If you felt comfortable, perhaps you could contact them and schedule an appointment so that you could share your concerns? They may be able to provide some support for your son and / or make some referrals to other appropriate services.

Here in Queensland, we have a Child Youth Mental Health Service (CYMHS) which is a part of Queensland Health. They specialise in helping infants, children and young people up to the age of 18 years who have complex mental health needs. If you did live in Queensland, you could google CYMHS to find out which office provides services to the area where you live and if you felt comfortable, you could always contact them to discuss your concerns. They may be able to provide some guidance and / or direction.

Also, if you live in Queensland, CYMHS have a 24 hour helpline service known as the CYMHS Acute Response Team. They can be contacted on 3068 2555. 

If you don’t live in Queensland, I believe that most states have a similar service - it’s just known by a different name. For example: South Australia, New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania provide a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service which is known as CAMHS. If you felt comfortable, maybe you could contact them.

Finally, I just wondered if your son felt comfortable to talk with someone himself. If he did, Kids Helpline (run by Yourtown) provide a telephone counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25 years of age in relation to any problems that they are experiencing.The service is provided by qualified counsellors and it operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They also provide webchat as well. Their telephone number is 1800 55 1800. Their website is: kidshelpline.com.au

I hope this helps you.

Thinking of you and your son at this difficult time.

ShiningStar 😊