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Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

@FigBell0917,

That's a good idea and way to find a doctor.  I'll definitely give it a try.  I'm gald you saw the discussion on BPD and I might make a suggestion about them trying another time for people that can't make 7pm all the time.  

 

My birds name is Buddy/Chooky.. I tried to keep it short so he could learn to say it.  Also if he says hello buddy it sounds good to anyone rather than if he had 'proper name' and said that.  That was my thinking at the time.  

 

Your right about the medication effecting people differently.  It frustrates me that one of the most common side effects of bipolar meds is weight gain, even though there is other meds that don't have this, I wasn't given the option of using it.  I would have paid extra if that wa the issue.  I've never had an issue with my weight untill I had meds for my illness.

 

Thats a good trick with the hoop.  Our cat doesn't need wearing out, she's pretty old and sleeps most of the time, other than that she goes outside for 5 or 10 minutes before coming back in and scrounging for food and drinks.. she usually has at least 3 or 4 bowls with treats for her.  My cousin from England has a similar fear of birds to you. 

 

I think you have every right to be disgusted with your ex, he's lucky you didn't give him some black eyes to remember you by.  What a w-nker to laugh at you about your illness.  It kind of shows his attitude my not learning more about BPD.  Your definitely right about what it says about him after you have been there for him.  You definitely deserve someone better than that. 

 

You have every right to be very disapointed in him.

 

Thats a good idea about Uber Eats.  Well done on getting in some applications 🙂

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Just checking in with you @FigBell0917 , hope you are doing okay.

 

I'm a little unahppy with how a friend here has been treated and may not be around quite as much for a little while.  I have been thinking about you.  Hope you get to see you Gran soon. 

 

I've some new things to learn at work and I think its going to be a bit of a struggle.  I have to cover for someone in November when they go on leave.  

 

Have a good day 🙂 Heart

 

 

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hi Gazza75 – SORRY! I am hopeless. I really need to reply using my phone however I never do it. How are you? How has your week and weekend been?

 

I think that is a great name for your bird! I think your train of thought in naming him was perfect.

 

When I was doing my DBT a lot of those in the group had discussed weight gain from their medication. I am fortunate that this has not happened to me. However they did say it was very much trial and error with their psychiatrist to find the medication which worked for them mentally and physically. I think it is all about time and finding what works for you.

 

I heard from my ex yesterday. I got a bunch of messages with him profusely apologizing and saying that he feels sick to his stomach about the words that he used towards me. He has asked if he can attend some of my psychiatrist appointments, which he has been offered before, as he wants to learn. He said he was pigheaded and thought he could handle it but he says he couldn’t because he didn’t put in the effort. I don’t know what to do. We have been together for a very long time and I don’t have the answer at the moment. I am open to him attending appointments but I definitely won’t be racing back.  Life just has to be complicated doesn’t it? Ugh!

 

What has happened to your friend at work? I am sorry to read that they have not been treated well. It is really disappointing especially in an adult environment. I am glad that they have you as a friend.

 

I think that’s fabulous that you are learning new things at work. Take it in your stride and remember you can do it! This is a real positive. Believe in yourself and know you are capable of whatever you set your mind to do!

 

I have just arrived home with my kids from my Grans. It is a lovely day here in Melbourne so we sat outside and played scrabble and had lunch in the sun. My gran has lost quite a bit of weight but despite this at this time she seems to be managing well. The hospital organised for nurses and a physio to come to the house so this has helped her a great deal. Thank you for checking in. I really appreciate that.

 

I hope you have some sunny weather you way. Heart

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hi @FigBell0917 , Your doing better than Me if you can reply with a phone.  I only ever do short answers when I'm on mine.  My fingers are to big to do anything more than that.  

 

I am happy with the bird name, too late to change it now anyway !  I am glad you haven't had trouble with your weight/meds.. for me its been terrible and more diffucult to deal with than my actual condition.  I can't seem to shake it and its wearing me down.  

 

I don't know what to suggest with the ex, other than don't rush into anything and I wouldn't be forgiving him easily or quickly.  You don't treat someone that you respect and care about like he did.  

 

The work upskilling went better than I anticipated which is good.  I already know most of the processes and things that need to be done.  We will get shown some more stuff this week.  

 

Sounds like a lovely day with your kids and gran in the sunshine.  I used to really enjoy playing scrabble online and another one I think called upwords which is basically the same game, but, you can plonk letters on top of the words already on the board.  I think that's what it was called, I haven't played in so long I could be wrong.  I play a game on my tablet called 'wordscapes' which is like a crossword thing, but, has a zillion levels you can play offline.  Both my parents plug away on it to which keeps them thinking.  My mum actual plays a lot of games, my dad only does that one.

 

I had a fairly good weekend, quite a bit of down and rest time on Sat.  Sunday I managed to do some plumbing work that I'd been plugging away at for some time.  Basically my downpipes fell of my guttering so I wasn't catching any rainwater for my house tank.  Not a good situation as I'm not that far off running out of h2o at my house.  I do have 5-10,000 litres at my machinery shed, but, have no easy way of moving it to my house tank.  I thought I'd have to replace quite a few pipes, but, I managed to get away with putting most of it back how it was. 

 

Not sure where I saw someone cutting pvc pipes with a grinder, but, that made the job easier, hardest part was securing it all to the house.

 

Have you started doing deliveries with Uber or do you have to wait for clearance?  I'm not exactly sure how all that works.  I did look at signing up with Uber, but, my car was to old and they don't like utes!  lol 🙂

 

The weather is really nice today, its been a very pleasant start to spring here on the coast.  I have zero excuses for not exercising and walking today.  I'm going to wander into town to pickup a few bits and pieces at lunch.  I usually try and get in at least 2 or 3 outings through the day.  I hate been stuckled to a computer all day and I'm lucky enough to be able to sneak out without to much bother.

 

Have you had your blood test yet or still pumping yourself up for it? 🙂

 

Have a wonderful day/week FigBella 🙂 Heart

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hi @Gazza75 – How are you today?

It would be difficult with the medication and I can understand how it could be wearing you down, hopefully if you ever do go back on them that they can find ones, which are suitable for you.

 

The ex well, he won’t be in the picture anymore. He turned up yesterday apologizing profusely, saying he wanted to be committed and learn more about my BPD etc and then today he has flipped again and I am in tears. I know you are right when you say you don’t treat someone you respect and care about how he did. I agree and it is the same thing I would say to someone else too. I just think I hoped that he would really try this time as we have been together for six years. Unfortunately he hasn’t and somehow I have to try and find a way to move forward.

 

I like to play scrabble online too and I have the scrabble app on my phone so I play sometimes when I am on the train or sitting outside. I find it relaxes me and I enjoy the challenge of thinking of words. I will look up the other games which you have mentioned as I am always looking for new games. Thank you for this!

 

That is great you were able to fix your downpipes and hopefully you get some rain too, if I could give you some water out of my water tank I would.

 

I haven’t started doing the deliveries yet, that reminds me that I need to give them a call as it looks like it has all gone through. Could you not do the deliveries with the ute? Just not drive people? Shame about the ute. I have always wanted a ute or a landcruiser. My gran always laughs at me, as I am so little I would need a step to get up in the drivers seat.

 

It is a lovely day here today; I had to take my dog out early this morning, as now that she is older she doesn’t do too well walking in the heat. Hopefully you get a walk today, its never fun sitting behind a computer all day.

 

I have an interview on Friday with a mental health organisation for a position and also a video interview for another role.

 

Definitely no blood test. I will avoid that at all costs ha ha.

 

I hope you have a great day! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hey @FigBell0917 ,

I'm doing pretty good today.  Managed to finish off the diamond painting I've been working on for nearly 2 week.  Kicked off another one last night and this moring.  The new one is probably going to take a few months to do as its the biggest I've attempted so far.  At least it's not a square one.

 

I am sorry that your ex has upset you again.  I can only imagine how frustrated, disapointed and angry you are about things with him.  6 years is a lot of time to invest in a relationship to have it end this way is terribly sad.  I'm sure he will regret what he has done in the short and long term.  It can be hard to move forward, but, all you can do is take it a day at a time and even a minute at a time.  It does eventually get easier, although it might not feel like it very often.

 

I'm not sure if the 'wordscape' game is on apple, but, its definitely a really good one for android devices.  You have a daily puzzle each day where you earn bonus pictures and points each month.  Its actually a fair bit harder than it  used t be as now 'hints' cost 100 coins instead of 50.  You get other little daily prizes that you will find as you go along.  There are quite a few games that have copied wordscape that are pertty good to, but, the original is still great.  

 

I'm not sure about Uber eats with the ute, it was definitely not allowed with regular Uber so I assumed it would be the same with Uber Eats, I might have to double check that.  I'm glad you have been approved 🙂  

 

A lot of utes actually come with 'side' steps to help you clamber in and out.  Mine has a pretty tall lift kit in it and both my parents need to stand on the kerb or gutter to get in an out of it.  My current ute doesn't have the side steps.  

 

I'll definitely get out for a walk soon and listen to some music.  Do you listen to much music?  I've pretty much always listened to it, I grew up loving Grunge.. bands like pearl jam, smashing pumpkins, stone temple pilots, alice in chains, radiohead.. more recently i have been into Jack Johnson, john butler, Laura Shay, norah jones.. lots more variety than when I was younger.

 

Fingers crossed about your upcoming interviews.  Thats really positive you are getting them already!  I reckon you will pick something up pretty quickly.  🙂

 

Sounds like your Gran might have find another lolipop and a lassoo to get you in for that blood test!   lol 🙂

 

Have a nice day and thanks for checking in with Me.  It's really great to hear how you are going, even if the new's isn't all good.  Have a great afternoon FB.  Attached is my completed latest creation.  Really pleased with how it ended up 🙂

 

 

planets final.jpg

 

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hope your doing alright Fig 🙂

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hey there. I'm 19 and I was diagnosed about a year ago with BPD. At first I was like, uhh, she's VERY wrong, that couldn't be me, I'm just depresssed!. But as I'd react to things, I'd find it completely expains my experience. Atleast having a diagnosis helped me calm down and understand why.

 

This is the first post I've ever read that is of the perspective of someone who has BPD rather than someones perception of it. Your part of heavily empathising is something I thought was just me. My sisters car properly stuffed itself today and even though she didnt show it, she needs it for her jobs, and is devastated. I felt that and was crying WAY too much for just a broken car.

Yet empathy is my superpower. I can make anyone feel safe and cpmfortable by connecting with them.

 

My biggest personal issue is I have a twin. A stunning, incredibly gracious athlete who infatuates everyone she knows with her beauty and character. I am named throughout her friends and community as 'the twin that doesn't exist'. No joke. They say it to my face when they meet me. It just crushes. Me watching her flourish and I cant help but feel like a complete failure. BPD adds to that pressure, with the fluxiating emotions. As well, I have no perception of myself and my identity. Its non existant I dont know who I am. I guess I'm asking, how do I find myself, find my identity through all of this? 

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hi @Ebe ,

 

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum.  I've read your post a few times and am not really sure how to respond.  We are all different and I think you just need to be patient and be yourself.  It's hard not compare ourselves to others and probably more so with you having a twin. 

 

I used to compare myself to my brother when i was growing up as he was as much a father fiture to Me as anything.  I eventually figured out that I had to forge my own path and do things for my own happyness rather than worry what other people thought.  They have the right to an opinion, but, at the end of the day we have to live with ourselves and be comfortable with the decisions we make.

 

I think its rather cruel of people to say that you don't exist, they may say it light heartedly or whatever, but, it's still not right and its really belittling you and even bullying.  What does your twin say to this?

 

What kind of things do you like to do?  I am sure you can flourish to, it might just be in your own way.  As long as you are happy and enjoy what you are striving for, I think that is the most important thing.

 

You seem to have handled your diagnosis very well.. I was kind of the opposite in being diagnosed with bipolar 2.  Anyways its nice to 'meet' you and I hope to hear from you again. 🙂

Re: Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Have a safe and merry Xmas @FigBell0917 

 

 

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