Lived Experience Forum

[LolaL]

So to give you some background I’m 21. Mental ill health has been an issue for me since around 15 when I developed ocd (had an episode during primary school and had been diagnosed with anxiety disorders as an 8yo) but I didn’t do much about it because I was terrified until I was 18. Now I’ve had a few years of treatment - 12 medications tried so far for ocd/severe depression and panic disorder. I’ve done TMS. No significant or meaningful success with anything so far. Rather terrified of being stuck this way and there aren’t any options left and I’m not sure what to do. An extended inpatient admission to a private hospital along with ECT and intensive psychotherapy. But I am TERRIFIED of being stuck in a hospital where I can’t leave but also concerned about ect. I would be so happy to do it if I was sure it could help but I’m not sure how to cope with another failed/non response to treatment.

I’m saddened that this is how I’m spending my early 20s - really not what I had envisioned for myself but also concerned about the future (which I can’t really see at the moment but I’ll hold on)

I feel that the severity and length of this, lasting years, trouble with hurting myself and how poorly I am functioning and my lack of any significant response to treatment will mean that this will probably be with me to some extent throughout my whole life and I struggle to think that maybe it’ll get better but it’ll probably come and go forever. 

So I’m not sure what I’m asking. Just had a horrid few years of trying things over and over with no luck. Worried about ect - it seems really scary and drastic but I can’t last much longer. Has anyone had any good experiences with it? My psychiatrists assure me that it’s not portrayed well in the media and something like 80% find it beneficial for severe depression. That cognitive functioning does sometimes decrease immediately after but they’ve found it improves overall given some time. I used to value my studies a lot (and think I would if I didn’t feel this way...) I loved school and study and graduated dux, now half the time I can’t concentrate on even s conversation let alone reading or studying. I feel like I’ve lost my brains but I don’t want ect to make me feel ever slower. Mind you I can’t imagine it getting much worse than it is now so a part of me thinks ‘what have I got to lose at this point?’ 

Also so I want to add that last year I had a rather traumatic admission to pecc. I am so so scared about going to hospital again. I know this time should be different. It will be a planned admission to a private young adult ward but  perhaps even more worried about being inpatient than I am about ect. I’m really terrified after my last experience, it’s affected me quite significantly and although necessary to keep me safe at the time I find it all a really upsetting experience - especially how heartbroken my mum was to see me stuck in there. 

[LolaL]

I’ll add I had a rather traumatic admission to PECC last year, I know this would be an extended stay in a private hospital young adult ward rather than a crisis admission but I’m really really scared. Perhaps more so than about ect.

[cats_pajamas]

Hello, I'm sorry about your admission to PECC last year.

I've had extended stays in public mental health units, and it wasnt THAT bad. Luckily, I was in a ward with private rooms, so that was super beneficial. There were people to talk to (patients, staff), and when you wanted to be alone, it's like everyone knew and just left you alone.


I've never been in a private facility, but I'm planning an extended stay in a private facility for early next year to try TMS. The pyschiatrist who is planning the stay has outpatient rooms at the hospital, and thats where I see him, so I've seen some of the hospital, and it looks nice. Seems a lot more intensive/holistic than the public ward. They have a much nicer outdoor area. And I've been on their website and they have a therapy dog that comes in once a week!
I'm also hoping that as a voluntary patient, and being private too, it will be easier to get gate leave, so I can go for walks, and go home and visit my cat too.

Is there a website for the hospital for you to have a look at? See what different programs and therapies they have?