14-06-2018 05:34 PM
How do you sit and not react when your whole body is screaming for action? I'm so tired of fighting and trying yet still failing and letting down both myself and the few people who care.
Part of me doesn't want to write this because im in a very negative mind frame at the moment but I'm struggling. Everything is such a mess right now.
14-06-2018 05:54 PM
@24601 Why do you feel you are letting everyone down, yourself also? Mess can only be dealt with piece by piece, small steps. Writing what you have is just that, a small step. Well done.
14-06-2018 08:21 PM
Thanks @Maggie. Things have been getting out of control lately. Ive been really trying to make some changes in how I cope with things and it's really not going well. I self harm. Have been on and off for years but it's getting to the point that it's getting so bad that I've had to get more and more treatment for it. Previously it was something I could hide but I can't now. I'm not proud of the fact I do it and having to get daily treatment and deal with medical staff is extremely difficult. Yet I still do it. I don't care so much about what I'm doing to myself but I care about the effect it has on my daughter. She's aware that I do it although we don't talk about it. My self worth is at zero and if it wasn't for her I'd have given up long ago. I've been working really hard to try to find other ways to manage but it all just seems too much a lot of the time. It's so hard to hold on to self control and everytime I give in and do it again I just spiral further into the darkness.
I don't know if I've said too much in this. I'm sorry if I have.
14-06-2018 11:43 PM
It takes courage to write about self harm and to try and find better ways of managing intensity and stress.
One of the things that made a difference for me was not spending anymore money on fixing it. My physio was aware and it made it seem silly. That was not the end of sh for me, but one major step. I stopped going to him, but at least I did not add to the budget with it. Eventually I changed my marital staus and faced it full on and promised myself in my new home that I would work on different behaviours.
Yes your daughter needs you, and it is hard when kids know, but one of the things you will teach her, by putting sh behind you, is managing adversity and change.
Step by step.
Best of luck Apple
15-06-2018 05:50 AM
@24601 Bringing Sh out into the open is a major step forward. I also hid mine for a long time til I also needed daily treatment and hospitilisation. I found talking to someone was the most helpful. We didn't actually talk about the Sh but so many other things causing the Sh in the first place. It becomes an addiction. With me stressful situations can bring it up again, it's finding releases for the stress.
Your daughter needs you and I'm sure loves you very much as you obviously do her. You can do this, you are doing this. We are here listening. 💛💜
28-07-2018 07:39 PM
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