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Something’s not right

WaytooHard
Casual Contributor

Partner with Psychosis

I'm sure there's heaps of discussion here about people discovering that their partners suffer from psychosis. So I'm guessing it's nothing new to mention it but very alarming to come to terms with all the wierdness you have encountered in your relationship with your partner over the years turning out to be this condition.

My partner of 16 years has always been a bit unusual. Always the square peg in the round hole. Never able to really hold down permanent work. Employed but not in team environments. And if this has happened, not for long.

I use to say she was pensive when I first knew her and at times quite dismissive. When I lived by myself and she stayed the night, sometimes she would just get up at 3am and go home. Always thought it was something I did wrong. She would spend every night in the bath for half an hour and still does (showers are bad). Never really loving in the true sense of the word. Quite aloof. None commital. A bit kinky. Didn't want to get married. Didn't like families accept her own. Couldn't handle people all itimately chatting and having fun. Always on a conspiracy thing etc etc.

I'm touching the surface here with the out of the ordinary stuff. So much more... But I always just accepted the difference as just different.

About 6 years ago things really changed...for the worse. Suddenly I became the centre of this plight that she was on to prove that I was a whole bunch of terrible things that I'm not. From.....having affairs. Wanting to harm her in some very creative ways. Having girls come to the house. Planting sharps in her bag when we travelled so that she would be arrested. Having sex with men which is why I had a urinary tract infection. Wanting to work out a way of stealing our house from her part ownership. Trying to find a way to steal her money. Thwarting her from having children even though she didn't want children. Contacting my work staff to investigate me. Breaking in to my email and Facebook chat to try to learn more about me. And so on and so on... Endless amounts of crazy stuff.

I tried to get her to therapy but always ended up being the victim of her concoctions in sessions. Amazing stories she would put together to convince a therapist that I am a monster. Quite alarming when you experience this stuff.

I ended up getting my own Psychologist because I started to believe I was going nuts. Fortunately my mind was put at ease after spending 'some' time trying to understand my circumstances.

It has taken a alot of understanding and many occurances over the past years of my partner having psychotic epsiodes and she is also currently having one for me to get my head really around her illness

It is very alarming to be told suddenly (although I do see the signs of approaching doom) that you are a monster and she won't have anything to do with you. And you are now just a flat mate (again). This time she has found more evidence of something bad that you are going to do. 

I guess the hardest thing is seeing all of this stuff going on in someone you truly love. 

They have long forgotten what love is. At times really don't know who you are because they believe false things about you that are untrue so behave differently toward you in an instant. You have to just cope and be banished from their normal persona (which has gone on holidays) in the hope that the epsiode will end and you can get on with normal life again.

I have to say having been through these episodes so many times has made me jaded.

Trying to get her to see a doctor and get some psychiatric help seems impossible as she thinks I am the bad one of course as she does with the 'players' in all the conspiracies that she concocts.

I have talked to my GP and her GP and a pyschologist I know but noone will touch this without her accepting her condition. A tragic situation in our society that we are more worried about litigation than helping someone with a mental health condition.

40 years ago someone acting as strangely as my partner does would have been put in an institution. Today noone wants to know.

As I said to my sister just the other day..There seem to be so many lost people around these days.  Noone seems to care.'

From my position - do I stay or do I go. How much more can anyone care and bear.

Leading up to Christmas I am quite mindful of the idea that this is a time for families to be together and when I see my own family (partner) not really knowing me or knowing herself due to mental illness, I am deeply saddened.

 

 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Partner with Psychosis

Hello @WaytooHard  thank you so much for sharing and I am so sorry to hear of the pain in watching your partner's psychosis constantly looping like this. I am also sorry to hear of the pain it is causing you being her main support person. I was really relieved to hear you have a psychologist of your own - that's really positive and a great support to ensure you don't start to second guess yourself. It is a really hard one when a loved one is recovering from complex mental health such as psychosis because it's a fine line sometimes between supporting them and keeping our own mental health in check. Have you thought about what life looks like 1,2,3 years if this carries on? Is there any potential scope for improvement or some kind of positive shift for her? Keen to hear back from you, let us know how you get on - and if you need it there's a couple of helplines below.

 

SANE Aus (open 10am-10pm today): 1800 18 7263

Blueknot Foundation: 1300 657 380

Re: Partner with Psychosis

Hi Nashy,

Yes watching the never ending loop of blame and then the pain for me that goes with it is really tough. Worse thing is that she knows I know what is really wrong so tries to play down the illness and pretend that all the stuff that she thinks is beside the point to what she thinks which is curious in itself. I wish she would get some repair for her mind. I've tried explaining in many different and quite logical ways why she should seek help but it's very much on deaf ears. It's a real tragedy for her old age I think. I'm quite clear in myself that I may have to leave and sell up which is an awful terrible not me thing to do to someone I care for greatly but probably the only way in the end.

I stopped seeing a psych some years ago because I knew I was doing fine but had a bit to handle. The handling has now gone on that bit too long in reality. I'd like to be the person that doesn't get the blame anymore for someone else's unsolved issues. I wish I could say that she will find her way but I think she may come out of the episode and then into a period of okay and then something else will crop up. Her mental state to never be resolved or helped in any way.

Re: Partner with Psychosis

Hello @WaytooHard 

I landed across your post when I searched the "something's not right" section on the carers forum.

 

It has certainly been an extremely difficult journey for you "both".

Please do not think that I diminish the effect on you in anyway by expressing myself in this manner.

I have a "family member" who has experienced "unique experiences to what myself and others in that person's world have encountered most definitely...alarming and terrifying at times..

In your situation there was at one stage dreams and excitement of a relationship and where that will lead..

You have described your experiences and yes you do have choices...

you can weigh up your feelings....experiences to date...current efforts or assistance in your loved one's attaining a better quality of life for self let alone as a couple...

One of the downsides of psychosis is total oblivion in regard to their actions...words...responses...and so on..

You are entitled to a quality of life yourself...

I am not suggesting that you should stay or leave...

 

The symptoms of psychosis are often not friendly...

 

I have a family member (I can only use this description due to the necessity of anonymity as said person is extremely clever and yes has been on this forum)

The psychosis has worsened over a period of time and is now of concern.

I on my part will never stop loving my family member ..

I have put personal boundaries in place..

This person does not live with me due to reaching a certain age and life...

Along with being out of control and too aggressive for me to deal with at times...even though has a gentle soul..

 

Yes they are frightening...draining...challenging...dangerous at times some of them..

We are not bound by them though...

We choose the extent we want to be involved in their lives..

I will never give up on my person....I gave birth to my person...

I am not responsible for that person though regardless...that person is an adult who has to have a journey through life that is their own...I cannot take that journey for them..

I so wish that I could take away some of their pain...I cannot...that is their pain...their life experience.

as I have my pain...my own life experiences...

I am currently trying to cope with and adjust to this person's psychosis which as you know is so unpredictable...

I am expected to move mountains at the drop of a pin...only being given an ounce of information due to all of the corrupt and untrustworthy waiting to take over in their mind...

Look into your heart and trust your deepest feelings...be kind to yourself as well as kind to the one you love...

you will know the path to take...

all the best...it is not an easy journey..

words from a humble parent..

Re: Partner with Psychosis

I understand how you are feeling. My husband of 9 months and partner of almost 4 years suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. He is stable now, but had major psychotic episodes couple of months ago.

In my case, I will never give up on my husband. We rely so much on each other, and while it is a VERY difficult journey, I want to be there for him and support him as much as I can. 

I can also understand how frightening and disorienting this is for you. I cannot advise you on whether to stay or not, but be mindful that if you feel like your own mental health is declining and that her symptoms are not getting better, you will not be able to help her if you are unable to cope. And it wont be your fault AT ALL if you are unable to. 

Good luck. I hope things work out for the best for both of you ❤️ 

Re: Partner with Psychosis

Hi @WaytooHard 

What you have described is very similar to my situation. I also struggle with similar thoughts and often ask myself why I’m doing it, how much more can I handle etc etc

 

I also wish to have my partner understand and accept her illness, currently it’s the opposite and her medication is evil (sadly I agree it is but, at the same time it keeps her sane) 

I often feel lonely in this, I don’t tell friends out of respect for my partner and family are supportive but don’t really understand. Its great to connect with someone supporting their partner through it. 

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