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Something’s not right

Not Coping

Re: Not Coping

Just had dinner and now watching " bargain hunt " @Birdofparadise8  @Jynx , @creative_writer 

Re: Not Coping

Cool, I'm beginning my next book @Shaz51 

Re: Not Coping

@Birdofparadise8 no it is definitely odd, especially being that it's your mum. 

I know you've been working on boundaries for a while but it can take some time. I spent 8 years with my ex friend setting boundaries and she finally learned but was still pretty bad at overstepping in some instances.

Consider this behaviour she has, she's had it for 20 years of your life. 1 year to try and change it isn't long.

Not the answer you want to hear sorry, but anything worthwhile takes time and strength. It will also prevent you from becoming a doormat in future relationships.

 

Apologies if I  take time answering, I'm playing an online game 🙂

Re: Not Coping

Very good @Birdofparadise8 👍

Re: Not Coping

Well I like your letters  @ENKELI   Their is substance in them.   There are times I can see you used to write because you tease topics out.  Get the paint brushes out.   with musical pause in there..

 

I  never went to school till I was past 30.  About the same time as I bought some decent shoes.

Grew up on a farm.  We were poor.  Then the streets,  and then back to working farms.

Got my education on the street and on the run. Not much time for an education.   But,

I get what I need,  where I can.  So , I think you are younger than me,  But where I grew up,

I think people were born old.  I can tell you have a good education.  Stands out and I love.

 

Well ,  one rainy night the words will come in a flood and I hope I get to read them..         tonys.

 

Hey  @Birdofparadise8   Thankyou for throwing me a wave.  Hope you are OK..

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: Not Coping


@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

Yeah, I guess so. I don't understand why she even does it. Have you ever had someone talk to you on the toilet @Jynx 


Haha actually yes, all the time - and I do it to my friends too. But I don't actually care overly much, and plus I always check in with my friends first to make sure it's okay with them, otherwise I just pop em on hold. The main thing is that I check in first, which your mum isn't doing. So it's not okay for you, and that is fine! I reckon I'm probably a outlier. 

 

Like @ENKELI said, setting boundaries and being firm on them is quite challenging to start off with. Especially since folks aren't used to you doing so, and may try to brush it off or ignore it. This is why it is incredibly important to be consistent! If you set a boundary, and then next time you are in that situation, you don't enforce it, then you're sending the message that your boundary is flexible or can be ignored. 

 

Something that helped me is to conceptualise boundaries not as something that is aiming to restrict another person's behaviours (we can't control what others do, after all, only how we respond to it), but as a communication about what you're willing to tolerate. That's why I suggested you hang up on your mother - not to be rude to her, but because you aren't willing to tolerate her keeping you on the phone whilst she is on the loo.

 

We communicate our boundaries to others so that they're aware, and then they can choose to alter their behaviour in order to be respectful of our needs. If they don't alter their behaviour, we can alter ours instead, to ensure our needs are met. Conceptualising it this way has made a world of difference for me, because it means I no longer go out of my way to try to force someone to change, which can create a lot of conflict. It can also alert us to which people are unwilling to be respectful of our boundaries and our needs, and thus we can choose to reduce our interactions with those particular people where possible. 

 

Just my two cents 😉

Re: Not Coping

That's okay @ENKELI 

What are you playing?

Hey @tonys 

I'm alright how are you?

Re: Not Coping

It might be a bit different if she asks first @Jynx 

I'll just have to keep trying. 

Re: Not Coping

@Shaz51, sounds like a lovely way to spend the evening 🥰

Re: Not Coping

I'm just getting a good tending too by the nurse here.  They work so hard @Birdofparadise8 .

Had a scan so there bringing me a late supper which thankfully has just arrived.   Hope you are making the best of your evening mate and the heat is on the right side of your walls.  Take care @Birdofparadise8     tns.   Back later tonight when not so busy..                   tns.

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