Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 yes the kids still go to private school. She's the type of person that no matter how awful she is to others she lands on her feet and always gets what she wants. The principal gave her a massive discount, never bothered to give me a discount, especially during Covid and I was unable to work. I really despise the principal, he made my life difficult while I was secretary for the school P&F.

My Godson was expelled from that school (after I had moved out......) and is attending an alternative school which I'm sure she would have cried how poor she was and she's a single mother with no support and is getting a discount. I am trying to find out which campus he's at so I can send him a letter to the school. At least I know he'll get it that way.

It's really hard to change your mindset after going through something for so long. Did you end up writing words of affirmation on post it notes? No dramas if you didn't, I was just wondering if you did and whether it was helping even just a little.

How many classes do you have on campus?

[creative_writer]

@ENKELI and @Birdofparadise8, be bullied is awful. I was bullied too when I was a kid, during primary and high school. I don’t even remember all of it, maybe my brain blocked it out. I remember being young and disassociating. The nothingness felt comfortable because it meant I wasn’t in pain. I also once saw a very toxic therapist too as an adult, which completely shattered my self worth. She accused me of “playing games” and “making up symptoms”. Essentially medical gaslighting. I have been harassed and SA as an adult too.

I feel like our life experiences can shatter us. Leave us feeling broken. But we have the choice to write our own stories, we can explore alternative narratives. We can choice to become more valuable like Kintsugi from all the heartbreak. I can hear how both of you have struggled in your life, I hear and see you. The pain is completely valid. We can hold each others hands and strive for a brighter future. We can make meaning from the pain 💖🫂

[ENKELI]

thank you @creative_writer. I love your Kintsugi metaphor. I had to google it but I'm so glad I did!

My biggest struggle is rejection so while the bullying is painful and upsets me I get more upset that I have in my mind been rejected again.

Prior to my bipolar2 diagnosis I was a nightmare ex girlfriend. I would call my ex at odd times and then hang up on him, told his ex wife he was bringing girls back to his place while he had his son with him. I was terrible. I am really quite glad I was diagnosed and put on meds because now I share with my brother what I'd like to do or write really harsh letters and burn them.

For the most part it works but as we know triggers can happen at anytime and when they do we spiral.

I am just so grateful for everyone who has taken the time to chat with me here, even my brother who lives with me has noticed I'm not so sad all the time anymore.

[Birdofparadise8]

Ah okay. Very tricky @ENKELI 

Um, actually, sorry, I forgot to do it. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Aww @creative_writer 

That is so sweet.

Yeah, you mentioned yesterday what happened. People really are the worst. 

Wow, how could they say that to you? 

[ENKELI]

no apology necessary @Birdofparadise8 you did nothing wrong. What works for me may not work for you and that's fine.

It could also make you feel worse so if you don't feel comfortable doing it, then there's a reason you didn't do it.

I'm still trying my CBT techniques that one of my psychs taught me. I can't find the worksheet she gave me unfortunately otherwise I'd upload it for you. Again, these are only suggestions lovely, you need to do what's best for you and what makes you feel comfortable.

[creative_writer]

@ENKELI, I would argue bullying is a form of rejection. Rejection is tough. I know I often avoid social connection because I fear rejection. We all crave to belong and be cared for but not all of us get it. I can’t say I’ve most past the mentality of “better off alone” because in this little bubble I am safer. Nobody can reject me, judge me or do anything hurtful. Nor can I burden anyone and be “too needy” when on my own. Maybe I do fear being a burden or being needy, I feel the need to be independent and struggle to reach out for support. It’s also a lonely bubble. I am constantly torn between protection and connection.

I think we do need to learn to forgive ourselves, hun. Bipolar emotions can easily cloud of minds, only with skills and obtaining stability we are better able to manage it

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @ENKELI and @creative_writer 🙂

Just want to chime in and also agree that the Kintsugi metaphor truly is beautiful and what a powerful way to reflect on ourselves.

@ENKELI - I am glad you have this strategy of writing and then burning letters, as well as having your brother as a source of support and someone who can hear out your thoughts. It sounds like you have really felt safe and secure identifying your community and loved ones around you 🙂

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, a red flag is texting during an appointment with a client. My ex psychiatrist used to text, that’s a red flag in itself. Doesn’t make sense to listen to someone who texts and doesn’t pay attention to what you’re saying

[creative_writer]

@PizzaMondo, I feel like one of the counsellors I spoke to used the metaphor. I can’t remember which one, might have been a counsellor from 1800 respect. It stuck with me ever since