Not Coping

[Jynx]

Aww thanks @creative_writer - not quite relaxing, in how long a hike I went on, but definitely very nourishing!! 

@Birdofparadise8 hmm I like hokey pokey!! The crunchy toffee bits are just soooo good! 

Daww thanks @PizzaMondo yay balloon! Reminds me of this meme haha:

[Birdofparadise8]

Sounds nice @Jynx 

[ENKELI]

@PizzaMondo thank you for your lovely words. My community consists of everyone I interact with on these forums. My brother is really good when I need him. He is a 6ft bear and never hugged anyone until I was diagnosed. Now he'll come and hug if he feels I need one.

The only complaint I have with my brother is that he is a male! Lol, what I mean is that men always try to fix things and I've had to tell him sometimes I just want someone to listen to me. He's getting better though.

I was stupid and gave up my life for my ex friend and Godchildren and lost many friends because I put her and the kids before anyone else except my mum and brother. Now the friends I did have are too busy, have moved on or basically told me "you reap what you sow" meaning you gave up us now we are giving up you.

The only true friend I have is the one I've known since I was 5. She is also great at listening.   (@Birdofparadise8 she's my crazy cat lady friend) And because she is an amateur actress she always laughs and says "I'm an actress, of course it's all about me so there is no way I'd spread what you told me!" She says it as a joke but I trust her with my life.

So I am usually alone, especially while I am looking for a job. My brother works also so aside from my cat (and he only talks to me when he's hungry!) I usually go the whole day without seeing or talking to anyone.

I tried a couple of friend groups with similar interests but one didn't work out and the other one I am too self conscious to go to one of their meet ups.

I just want to find a job and maybe make a friend or 2 in the meantime 😔

[Birdofparadise8]

At least you have one friend @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

Don't ever push yourself if you don't feel ready @Birdofparadise8.

The weather here has cooled down but the humidity is high. I've changed my shirt twice already because the first one was too hot.

Talking about chocolate has made me want something sweet too, and I'm doing my shopping list at the moment so not a good idea to think of ice cream lol!

[creative_writer]

@ENKELI, it is hard finding good friends. I also grew up feeling like I had nobody to talk to. I do have closer friends, but they all live too far away. I feel like I can’t be authentic with my family, I’ve gotten used to holding back tears that I have forgotten how to cry properly. I am happy to hear that you have your brother who is supportive of you. It is true men’s brains work different. My dad is a problem solver himself. He may react less emotionally towards my MH than mum, but it doesn’t really help. My mum has her own MH so I don’t want to put too much on her.

@Jynx, hikes are refreshing. Connecting to nature is good for the soul and allows you to be present. Did you go by yourself or with others?

[Birdofparadise8]

Did you bake anything today @ENKELI?

[Birdofparadise8]

Looks like it will be another night trying not to cry. At least I'll be speaking to my regular at KHL. I need it tonight. I'm so sad now. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I hope I didn't say anything to make you sad. Are you able to read or watch a movie to take your mind off it for a little while? 

Sorry you're not feeling good, sending virtual hugs to you 🤗

[Birdofparadise8]

No, you've been great @ENKELI

It's just me and my awful brain. 

I'm just cooking dinner, but after that, I will, and then it will be 7 pm and regular at KHL will call me. 

I'm sorry, it's definitely not you. This just happens all the time, and I start getting sad, and then I cry like I am now ahh.