Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

What isn't @Jynx 

Just the same as every other night this week. Crying and lots of feelings. 

[Jynx]

Take some slow, deep breaths @Birdofparadise8 - it won't last forever. Could you give KHL a buzz just to chat with someone?

[Birdofparadise8]

I already had a session with my psych today @Jynx 

I already spoke with my regular on Sunday. 

I'm not trying to push the sadness away. I just hate having intense feelings every night. I also really want a hug, but I'm so alone no one can give me one. I can just picture myself in the arms of someone and feeling validated and being able to cry would feel so nice, which I highly doubt will ever happen, but it's nice to imagine, I guess. 

[Jynx]

Just cos you already had appts today @Birdofparadise8 doesn't mean you can't access more support when you're struggling! 

I totally feel you hun - and touch-starvation is a thing! Are your parents huggers? When do you next catch up with your aunt or uncle? I know maybe it doesn't help right now, but you could always reach out to them and organise something casual, and let them know you're in need of a firm hug. 

I also find it helpful to place my hand flat on my chest, just near the heart. It's like a self-hug, and I vaguely recall there being science behind it but would have to look it up. 

Something I've found as well is that our minds are more powerful than we give them credit. If you tell yourself that you doubt you'll ever find someone to hold you and provide comfort for you, then it's far less likely it'll ever happen. I believe that you will find your people hun, you just gotta believe that it's possible, that it could be just around the corner! 🤞💜

[Birdofparadise8]

I guess so. Mmm, in a way, but to be honest, I don't hold much emotional connection with them for emotional stuff. Other than saying goodbye because I won't see them for a while, a nice long hug then. And other times. But I don't like hugs of comfort from them. I just don't like all that emotional stuff. 

Hey, if my friend would give me a hug, I really like that. Maybe I'll ask him if we can have a longer hug. 

I'm actually cooking for my aunt and uncle on Saturday. They give hugs, but it's never a long one. I've never asked either. 

Hmm okay. I'm not sure if you saw my post about my psych session today, but he also got me to give myself a hug, and it was really weird. I tried again when I got home, and it just felt like I was squishing my boobs. 

That's true. Well, I am on the hunt for a boyfriend. I have many dating apps, but all of them are just wanting sex and not a relationship. Btw I'm a virgin, so a one-night stand is not what I'm looking for. I want a genuine connection and to create a relationship. I'm just waiting for the right guy to come along. @Jynx 

[Birdofparadise8]

oh one thing I forgot to mention would it be weird if I asked my psych for a hug or is that a boundary too far to cross @Jynx 

You're probably done for the night, so I hope you have a good night and day tomorrow, whether that's here or your day off. 

[Jynx]

Yeah I'm off, sorry I would respond in more detail otherwise @Birdofparadise8! 

But re: your psych, it may be crossing a professional boundary but the only way to know is to ask. My current psych is cool with hugs, but previous ones not so much. Depends on the person, and on the purpose too. 

You'll find your person, I know you will 😊💜

Nighty night!

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I wondered that @Jynx 

Thank you, though. I'll ask him anyway.

[Zoe7]

@Jynx @Birdofparadise8 Placing your hand on your chest (over your heart) can be used to help identify and regulate breathing. It is a great way to help those in emotional distress (even anger) to be able to ground themselves by feeling their heart race and then slow down. Often the emotions (and anger) lessen as they feel their own heart rate and can physically feel it slowing. Being able to feel one's own heart beat (or at least placing our hand near our heart) subconsciously brings the physical and emotional sides of our systems together.

[Birdofparadise8]

Thanks @Zoe7 

I'll have to give it a go and forget about the weirdness.