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Something’s not right

Re: Neurodiversity is only for Rain Man

Hi again beautiful @Corny)

 

When I saw you'd replied, I didn't expect you'd relay this example of dealing with someone you know on that forum. I'm sorry you went through it. But you know what? You handled it with just as much honesty, humility and forethought as I thought you would.

 

When our minds break, clawing our way back to reality is painstakingly long, arduous and bloody hard work. Unlearning old habits and creating new ones (while we go in and out of hospital mind you) is totally alone. It has to be because the ones who we rely on for love and safety can't be there for us.

 

So we read, and read, and read until our eyes look like roadmaps. Then apply it the best way we can to our lives, trial it, practice this new dynamic, fail, fall down, pick ourselves up and keep going until we get it right. And that's just one lesson! If you think of how many things you've learned since deciding to heal, the list is mind boggling. Anyone who hasn't done it has no idea of the introspection, sacrifice, gut wrenching fear, dissociation, yrs of facing the unthinkable over and over, sleepless nights, medication f'ups, crying until the rims of your eyes turn out while begging God for peace. You're the true meaning of Warrior Woman!

 

I congratulate you for this Sista' just as I do for myself because I truly know what it takes to change. It aint for the faint hearted. You consistently give me kudos for the way I've approached recovery, (very grateful too) so let me tell you with complete confidence, it's true! So look in the mirror gurrrl! You're lookin' at one of my greatest inspirations.

 

What you've achieved despite your past is miraculous ok. Those bastards who put shizen on you don't have a clue; they're, as you say, just one of many nut jobs out there.

 

I want to laugh when I say this, but it's true; only sane people know this much about themselves and can cope with it! 🤓🤡🤪😬

 

Sigh, so I've had my rant for the day. I love you my dear Corny. We are Sane sista's for sure. Keep on keepin' on gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl 🌈💌 You're a gift! 🎁

 

Mwah!!!!

Heart👵 Hope xoxoxox

Re: Neurodiversity is only for Rain Man

Thanks Hope, for your understanding and encouragement. It was horrible to realise that even when I was breaking & my most vulnerable, people in positions of power were continuing to do wrong by me. The echo’s and parallels from my past continued to be played out in bizarre, symbolic ways.

 

At the end of the day, I was raised inside a soup of aggression and seasoned with threat, that was very real. I could tell what mood my father was in, simply by the way he touched the front door handle, coming home from work. I didn’t even have to lay eyes on him.

 

Possessing a ‘sixth sense’ or being ‘intuitive’, doesn’t quite describe the adaptive perceptions you have to perfect, just to survive in a house like that. When someone launches at you, and their reaction doesn’t add up to be the sort of reaction you’d expect from a complete stranger, you start to very quickly join dots and ask questions when the aggression is so similar to what you experienced when you were little.

 

That’s on them. They shouldn’t have judged a book by its cover, thought that I was a stupid imbecile, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s about arrogance and superiority that they could do that, and not consider what that means to a person.

 

It’s been a really tough 2 and a half years, but I don’t have to preach to you how hard it’s been. You’ve lived it Button. Some days I can't believe I'm here.  Like you, the losses are hard to count, and I'm still sitting amongst them. It was my 3rd breakdown, and the biggest. Explosive memories went off. Neurons mis-fired or didn’t connect at all. I have also read a lot. Probably van der Kolk, J. Herman, P. Levine and Bruce Perry validated me the most.

 

Out of all this hardship though Hope, I have also been very lucky along the way and have to say that I have won the 100 Million lottery with my shrink. Kind of sad really. That my biggest and most steadfast supports have been the people that I have to pay $$$$$$, and the bloodline……well……the bloodline……….a little disappointing!

 

Time for a movie eh?!!!!

 

Love Cornucopia xxxx

 

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