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Something’s not right

PerthAnxious
Casual Contributor

Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

I have suffered with Anxiety and Depression for as long as I can remember (i'm 36 yo Male). Even as a child I was shy, spent entire School summers in my room playing computer games on my own. I was a semi-talented soccer player, but ultimately I would spend the whole week worrying about the games on the weekend, and in the end I gave it up. I put so much pressure on myself I don't sleep and it affected my school and everything.  

 

I moved across the world from England to Australia after breaking up with my partner after 7 years in 2008, my life was totally detroyed - ultimately because I left a job and moved onto a night shift to get away from having to be around other people... I didn't consult my significant other, and ultimately she left me. 

 

After arriving in 2008 and going cold-turkey on my meds, things started to change for me - my step-brother gave me a job and was fairly aaccepting of my introverted nature, he made jokes of it around other people to make me more comfortable, he understood when i refused to go to training sessions off-site because I would worry so much. I have spent the last 10 years building a reputation as one of the best people in the state at what I do. When my brother left the business we were in, he headhunted me to his new venture - I was paid very well, given all the perks you can think of (Car, fuel, flexible hours and great pay).... 

 

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago, my world comes crashing down. I'm made redundant from my brothers new business. I've been totally devesated. My wife of 10 years is supportive, but doesn't really understand. She's very outgoing (complete opposite to me) and when I try and discuss how I feel she just tries to pep me up, and tells me she supports me and everything will be OK.... 

 

But, I can't even bring myself to look for work. I have spent 4 solid weeks stressing, scrolling through job adverts and just talking myself out of every single one. I need to seek help, but even visiting my GP causes me so much anxiety (i'm sweating right now just thinking about it). The job application process is so stressful for me... the interview process, a new envrionment, new people - who probably won't understand why i'm sweating so much, and why I can't answer a phone call without freezing up. I thought about trying to work from home, but i'm not creative at all! freelance writing etc isn't in my remit (i've worked in Logistics and Problem Solving my whole life - Haulage and Transport, and then automotive stock control, auditing etc). 

 

I feel so lost. so worthless. I have a mortgage and bills to pay and i'm failing at everything. I feel ashamed of my short-comings. I need someone to save me, but no-one seems to understand. Everyone just tells me something will come up... but will it? I think even if someone did offer me a position I would find a way to talk myself out of it... too far away, too different to the things I know. 

 

I don't know why i'm even posting this really, I just needed to tell someone/anyone what i'm thinking. I feel like i'm going insane. 

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

Hey PerthAnxious

i have no answers for you i only want to say im in the same boat as you but i don’t have a partner to help me. I was in the same job for 8 years and lost it because of my depression. I live with a parent who keeps telling me that they can’t stand to live with me anymore because of my depression. Getting a new job at a new place with new people all completely unknown scares me too. I miss my old workplace and co-workers. You’re not alone in feeling how you do.

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

Hey @PerthAnxious,

 

Just wanted to make sure that someone had replied to you. This is my first time on the boards.

 

Seems we might be in a similar time of life, with similar brain issues going on.

 

I'm 41 and I went through a redundancy about 10 years ago. I currently have a job, but now my problem is being here, and being functional. There is so much to do, lots of pressure, I can't get it done. So I'm riddled with anxiety the whole time, can't stop my brain, can't sleep.

 

If it helps you, feel free to check in here. I'm happy to talk to you.

 

What's happening with you today anyway? Been a few days since you posted - how was the weekend?

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

@IamNotMyMind

 

Thank you for the reply. and also @DGoldman too. 

 

Nothing much has changed since my post, I've been in touch with a previous employer and i'm trying to see if there is a chance of a position coming up with them. Beyond that, i'm doing my damnest to not think about. I really hope something comes up because mounting pressure for Bills to be paid is compounding my anxiety - plus the pressure of holiday season, social functions that i'll get dragged to etc. 

 

I booked an appointment to see my Dr. on Wednesday, need some prescriptions and want to try and talk to him about how i'm feeling. Hopefully something positive comes out of it. I might ask for a referal to a Psychiatrist, maybe it's time for that? i'm not sure... 

 

Again, appreciate the replies and checking in. I honestly feel like I need a saviour to come along and just drag me to my feet and get me going again... but in reality, I know it won't happen. 

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

Well, I don't know if I can save you but I can offer what I've got. I could yell like a drill-seargent, but I doubt it helps much. The thing about being saved is you kind of have to do it yourself, because advice and tidbits from other people usually are useless at best (and insulting at worst) in my experience.

 

That said, here's what I got: Just do things one step at a time, and make sure you tell your brain you took a positive step and it needs to lay off for a bit. Do one thing a day, that's all you need to get momentum up.

 

Examples, you just did two positive things:

  • Talked to the former employer about a job.
  • Booked a doctor appointment (btw this is a good idea, ask the GP to give you a mental helath plan, you get quite a few free psychologist appointments under Medicare).

Now tell your brain to STFU for the rest of the day, and pat yourself on the back.

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

Well done on booking an appointment with your gp @PerthAnxious. A great place to start. 

A psychiatrist normally diagnosis and prescribes medication. 

A psychologist does talk therapy and generally teaches techniques to reduce the frequency or severity of your symptoms.

You go can make a referral to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. 

You're already making moves to improve things for you.  Keep reaching out,  and get the best help possible. 

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

Just a little update, went to see my GP yesterday. Had a good, long chat (nearly a full hour - I felt bad for those people with appointments after me!). 

 

We talked through a lot, he's really good - made me feel very comfortable talking about anything/everything. Gave me some very sound advice, but acknowledged that I needed some help. He's prescribed me a few pills for short and longer term, and asked me to go back to him weekly to keep an eye on my progress and to dicsuss a longer term plan for helping me. 

 

What I didn't realise was that he specialised in Mental Health, which makes sense with how calming he is with me. He made me feel normal, explained that I worry so much about what other people think about me, that I forget that the only person's opinion that really matters is my own. He understood that losing my job was a huge blow to me, because in his words "my job, and the recognition I got from being well regarded in my job, was a huge part of my identity and without it it's natural to feel lost". 

 

It's going to be a really long road, step 1 is finding employment. He said the job you get doesn't have to be your dream job, or even your long term job... but it can just be a stepping stone to get me back into a healthy routine. I need to face the fact that I won't find employment without 1st going out of my comfort zone and facing an interview, new employer and new environments/people. But he said taking my time, and trying to break it down into more managable parts will help. He also reassured me that Mental Health is a much more open subject now, a lot more people are aware of it and some of the stigma that existed 10 years ago doesn't exist now... and like above, worrying about how I feel about myself is more important than worrying about what an interviewer thinks of me, and to just be myself. 

 

I'm rambling again, but I just wanted to post a little update - it feels good getting the words out of my head onto this forum post. Somehow it's theraputic... 

Re: Long term Anxiety and Depressive person, lost my job and feel totally overwhelmed and lost. How does someone like me find work?

He made you feel normal @PerthAnxious - because you are normal.  You're just going through a rough time at the moment. 

Glad you had suck a knowledgeable and caring gp to talk to. 

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