Lived Experience Forum

[Bluetoo]

I hope all of you are having a reasonably nice day. I am not. I feel overtaken by the knowledge of BPD and that I may have it. I’m still waiting for my couples therapist to refer me to another therapist for it. No word yet. I may have to find one on my own. I don’t trust my own judgment right now though. I feel so helpless. I don’t understand it. I feel so lost. 

I thought I was coming on this forum becas E of my cheating husband but that’s what led me to the discovery I have MI. 

I know that’s a good thing because knowledge is power. But I feel so much worse and I am incapacitated. I had to force myself to dust and it got to the point it was too dusty in some places and I didn’t know how to clean it. Seriously?

So I told myself I just need a break. So here I lay in my bed again and writing this. 

I just want to understand myself. I can’t believe I’m writing this because I feel so vulnerable. But I’m going to post it anyway. 

[outlander]

Hi @Bluetoo

I have BPD too and while its a hard slog its manageable. Is there anything in particular concenring you about this diagnosis?

There is some information on the internet about BPD and also a few threads here ( that i can tag you into if you like)

We have a few members here who also have BPD @BlueBay @Sans911 are 2 that i can think of atm and they might be able to offer some more insight too

[Bluetoo]

Thanks @outlander. I’d like to be tagged. 

I think I’m just really sad and feeling guilty for some of my episodes that caused pain to other people in my life. I’m sort of having flashbacks of the tantrums I’ve had that I legitimately believed I had a reason to have. But they were so overboard. 

Ive never wanted to hurt anyone or anything in my life but I did anyway. 

I’m also anxious to get a therapist to help me with it to learn tools so it doesn’t happen anymore but not sure I’ll be successful. 

[outlander]

Sure ill be happy to tag you @Bluetoo
Will find them for you and perhaps a few threads too.

I think getting a therapist to help you would be good and a speaking to your gp is the best place to start. It is really nerve wracking asking for help and the uncertainty behind knowing what happens or what might happen.
DBT therapy is suppose to be really good for emotional outbursts so perhaps having a look into that as well...
Feel free to ask is questions here too ok

I wonder if @Teej could help

Will go find those threads for you now

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @Bluetoo

You may have already found these threads on BPD, if not they may interest you here and here.

There is a wealth of knowledge on the forum and please if you need call the Helpline on 1800 18 7263. 

Take care.

SleepyPanda

[Bluetoo]

So it looks like my couples therapist can’t refer me to anyone for whatever reason. So when I call one, do I tell them I think I have BPD or just depression?  I really really really wish I wasn’t dealing with this at my age. Why couldn’t it have come to me when I was young and strong. 

I am feeling so debilitated. Haven’t left the house I’m a week and barely left my bed. I am normally off doing something or working on a project. My gf wanted to come visit but I don’t feel like seeing anyone. 

I feel like my life has been a fraud. I thought I was normal. I’m not looking down others with this disorder. I just can’t believe I have mi and probably even a Pd. I thought I knew what I was doing with this life. 

[Mazarita]

Hi @Bluetoo, the only thing I might suggest is holding off on making the diagnosis yourself until you've seen a psych professional you can discuss it with. I would tell them your symptoms and that you think you might have bpd but that you haven't yet been diagnosed that way. Then see what they think of that from what you tell them of your life. Ignore this if it's not useful to you. That's just the way I might approach it. Well wishes to you.

[Bluetoo]

Thank you @Mazarita. Why is it so scary to admit to mi?  I’ve read some of the stories in here and it seems most can’t bleieve it at first. And I know I’m the same person as I’ve always been whether I’m diagnosed or not. But it makes me question my whole life and the things that have happened. 

[Mazarita]

@Bluetoo, in some ways it can be a relief too, when we do get an accurate diagnosis from a professional. It can help explain things that have really troubled us in our lives. Also, when we have a diagnosis, there's a better chance of improvements to our lives, in ourselves, with help from outside. Take it easy with the processing of this. One step at a time. First get the diagnosis and then there may be the help you want. I relate to being unable to get out of bed. Have had long periods of that. Not so much these days thanks to help I've received, with medication and with psych counselling. Bear in mind too that you are under stress from troubles in your marriage. This will be a 'situational' factor in your depression and general emotional state. It's very understandable. It doesn't mean you always have to feel and be like this.

[Bluetoo]

I wish I could give you a hug @Mazarita. Those were words I needed to hear. 

My therapist just texted me and said she found one in my area. That gave me a lot of hope. 

Thank you everyone!  You guys are a life line for sure.