Lived Experience Forum

[Teej]

I think I’m the same with hitting rock bottom way more than once @Former-Member . There have been many points of what felt like the very bottom. I experience the same extremely overwhelmed = si. I’m not so good with the plan on a thought though. I then want the plan not the thought. I’m doing better with the overwhelm just lately. There have been many moments of the extremely overwhelmed = suicidal thoughts but the urge to act on them is less than the urge to work through it if that makes sense. It has taken a very long time to get to this point. 

I think in its its essence a thought is just a thought, we just have to know the limits of knowing that it’s a thought 💜🤗

i hope you are doing ok. 

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey @Former-Member,

It sounds like today was incredibly tough. I can hear that what you read about chronic suicidal thoughts really resonated with you, and how your overwhelm might take you to suicidal thoughts. It sounds like you're thinking about what this means for you, which is so valuable.

It sounds like you want to discuss this with forum members, but I also wanted to send you an email to check in. Keep an eye on your inbox 

Tortoiseshell  

[Ali11]

Sending love @Former-Member  Sorry to hear you're feeling low. Every time we hit rock bottom is a chance to propel ourselves back up. Talking will help, it's in sharing our story that we get to examine it ourselves and sometimes we realise things have more weight in our thoughts than they should. Hope you're feeling better, and tomorrow is a new day. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ali11  @Teej  @MDT  @Gazza75 

thanks for your messages last night.

i had a remarkable day, a very unusual unique day. it will either be a turning point in my recovery, or not. Time will tell. I might stay off the forum for a bit because I’m in a peculiar mood and think it will be best. 

Take care my friends

[Ali11]

Take care @Former-Member, we will be here if you decide to return. 

[MDT]

All the best @Former-Member
Do what you gotta do. We are here 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hello @MDT  @Ali11  @Teej  @Gazza75 

How are you all doing?

when I wrote my last post I had contemplated suicide and had everything ready, but didn’t attempt. I lived in shock and denial for a week or so and have talked to my care team since. My psychiatrist said I dissociated as I have little recollection of the day until I decided not to go ahead. Like I said a very weird day.

im distracting a lot since then and am feeling numb almost every day. I try to do things that are good for me. I’ve had some angry phases. I struggle a lot with flashbacks about the abuse. But mainly I try to distract and deflect. I’m being told I have to accept that it happened to me but it is as if I don’t belong to that person. And I don’t want to feel the feelings. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared to fall into pieces if I stop distracting. It’s tough. 

[Gazza75]

Hi @Former-Member , thanks for letting us know how you are going.  It sounds like your batlting through this as best you can.  What kind of things have you been doing to distract yourself?  Maybe we can help a little there.  🙂

Given what you've been through, I can only imagine how tough it would be.  Wish I could be more helpful, but, your not alone and can talk about how you feel.  It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest and you should be proud of yourself for that.

I am living through another day of drudgery at work.  I've been contemplating trying to get some down time from work, I feel like I need a week or two off, but, I don't have the holidays left to take them.  I could take leave without pay but they make you use all your holidays up first.  Feel like I can't win on that front as I'd like to have some holidays up my sleave.  I used nearly all my sick and annual leave over the last year due to my mental health issues.  I should of taken more time off.

Wishing you well.

[MDT]

Hey @Former-Member
Tha jd for the tag and the update
It sounds like you are battling like @Gazza75 just said.
I think it sounds like you've improved since where you were before. That is definitely something I think.

[Ali11]

Hi @Former-Member, doing okay here. We're glad you didn't attempt, and sending love for how you're feeling at the moment. Glad your care team are there for you as well