I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , sorry to hear that it's dark at the moment for you.

Are you able to quickly go back and edit that last post to add what support you are looking for from the community?

I'm around if you need some company, unless you feel you need support from a crisis line?

Hope you are not in too much pain... 3rd day, right?

[Captain24]

I just deleted it @tyme. 

Im useless. Sorry. 

The pain isn’t too bad just feels like bad period pain that won’t go away. 

I’ve been working through my SP but it’s not helping. 

[tyme]

I'm hearing that the pain is exacerbating how you are feeling? 

Do you have pain killers? I know you mentioned that you'll see the doc on Friday. Are you still able to go? Do you think you need to call your mum to stay with you?

I'm worried about your pain @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I just have to accept the pain. If you think k about what was done then I guess it’s probably understandable. They cut 3 polyps out of my uterus and scraped all the walls. I just need to get over myself @tyme. I can stand up stray now though. I’m not doubled over anymore. 

I probably shouldn’t be alone but that’s my life. I’m alone. Everything is irritating me. 

[tyme]

Yikes. No wonder you are in so much pain. How about your call your mum?

Remember, if the pain is too much, contact 000.

Allow yourself to be kind to yourself - as you said, someone's just gone in and scraped the walls of your uterus! I'd be crying!

You deserve compassion and kindness hun, but I know pain sucks. I know it makes everything seem worse! The lights are annoying, the wind is annoying, sounds are annoying and even this message would be annoying.

And you know what? It's OKAY that everything is annoying. @Captain24 

Hugs

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme for caring and understanding. I feel cared for. It’s not hospital pain. I just have to remember what has just happened and get that it is getting better. Just slowly. The blood is really annoying too, but that’s going to happen for a long time. 

Thanks so much for caring for me. 

The dogs are chewing on a treat stick and that’s annoying me too! I gave it to them so they would leave me alone and stop annoying me. Didn’t work. 

Maybe after a good nights sleep I might wake up feeling a little better mentally which hopefully makes everything else easier. 

[tyme]

Agreed. Remember what I mentioned yesterday? Each day you expect pain pain pain, then one day you wake up and you think, "Wow! There's no pain!" Just look forward to that day. 

Remember, not only the physical procedure, but consider the effort you made in psyching yourself up to even enter the hospital! Now if that's not BRAVE, what is???

I'm proud of you Cap. You have achieved much more than people imagine @Captain24 

I'll tuck you into bed now. Rest up, and hope to see you tomorrow.

[Captain24]

Thank you @tyme 

I didn’t really think of the mental toll it took out of me. That makes a bit of sense. 

I feel you tucking me in. 

Thank you for caring. It means a lot

[Captain24]

I was someone that could get up and out of bed early. 

I was someone that had a job list ready everyday. 

I was someone that was able to do that job list. 

I was someone that had a clean home. 

I was someone that was making forward steps in their recovery. 

I was someone that was proud at the effort I was putting in. 

Now… I’m still in bed. 

Now I have no job list. 

Now I can’t seem to do anything 

Now my house isn’t clean

Now I’m going backwards. 

Now there seems to be no effort. I’m to tired

Now it’s all dark and stormy. 

Now it all feels impossible. 

Now I’m just miserable. 

Now it all feels too hard. 

Just saying.