I can’t cope

[tyme]

Thanks for the photo! Those steps look awesome! And yes, I can see it's easier to get up than down. So if you keep ignoring her, she'll just whinge at you rather than go up the stairs??? She IS stubborn! @Captain24 

Any yes, you do sound better tonight. Who knows? Maybe it is the meds.

Oh, I don't think I answered you. I don't dissociate nowadays. I reckon I did in the past when I was in a really bad place. The only thing I struggle most with is the ADHD ro ADD.... I completely tune out of things. Someone can be talking right at me and I'm not listening. 

Lately, I've also found that I'm stumbling over my own words a lot. I can't get words out properly in that I can't think of the right word to use... 

So, long story short, no, I don't dissociate nowadays. 

So are you saying dissociation is a med withdrawal symptom?

[tyme]

Oh, and getting takeway? It's not ubereats or anything, right? I vaguely remember you saying you don't have food delievery services in your area @Captain24 

How sweet that she was going to order it for you.

[Captain24]

She has always been stubborn. @tyme Even as a puppy. She certainly has her own mind! 

I was after some tips if you had any but I guess not 😜 

I think I’ve been doing it for a long time it’s just come to a head now with so much going on. Like.. I don’t remember running off the road. But as my psych is asking more questions around it it seems to be happening a lot. It did happen to me while I was in hospital but I didn’t know what it was, it happened the time before too. 

I do that too. I actually said to my psych yesterday that I need to find better words. She laughed and said they she did too. Maybe it’s an ADHD thing. I tune out a lot. Sometimes I have no idea what people have said. I use a squishy when I have Telehealth appointments to try and maintain focus! 

We have Uber eats now. But mum is just getting it. I didn’t expect her to as they paid for dinner last night. She wanted to give me a treat for my birthday. 

[tyme]

Awww @Captain24 . That's so sweet of your mum. Another big birthday already! How exciting for you... but you're working on your bday?

Lol, that's funny you have ubereats now. I didn't even think twice that a place may not have ubereats... I'm too privileged..

And yes, dissociation sounds scary and dangerous too. But I have to say, it has it place. When people experience intense mental pain, dissociation is a way of coping. I hope this is something you can work on with your psych - please don't beat yourself up over it. You are managing and coping as much as you can.

[Captain24]

Yeah I have to work. @tyme. I don’t want to but that is life. 

There is only about 5 places that are in it. It started 2 weeks ago! As far as I know there is only one driver. 

I get it’s a way of coping through turmoil. But it is scaring me quite a bit. I even have to rehash our last appointment to make sure I was present! She is pretty awesome. I couldn’t ask for a better psych. She watched the wave come over me yesterday so she has now seen how quick it can happen. 

I just seen the time. 

Have a good night and maybe we can catch up Sunday night? 

[Captain24]

I’m home from work. I’m really tired and I'm not feeling great. I feel pretty low tonight. I lost half the day today. But at least I drove home safely. 

[tyme]

Dissociation is a way of coping @Captain24 . It has it's place when things are tough. But I can hear why your psych is concerned in terms of your safety.

I'm glad to hear you have made it home safe. 

What are you up to now?

[Captain24]

I’m scaring her @tyme. The dissociation is scaring me. I feel really defeated, sad and despair. It’s mood not withdrawal, it feels different but I’m not ok. 

I’m just sitting on the lounge watching MasterChef. Pix is asking for a treat. I’m not sure what to give her that won’t cause her to have runny bums. She’s on mums watch tomorrow. Jett is sitting on my shoulder. 

[tyme]

Is it possibel to have an earlier admission into hospital @Captain24 ? Is the dossociation bipolar related?

[Captain24]

No, I don’t have enough leave until then. I’m already taking 3 days sick leave in there too. @tyme I just have to work really hard. Tonight I don’t have it in me though. 

I don’t know if it’s bipolar related or not but it’s a lot to take on board.

How did your niece go with you being away? Did you get to do sightseeing?