I can’t cope

[tyme]

Have you ever tried a weighted blanket? @Captain24 

I used to use two at a time. So that was 20 kgs on me. It was amazing. I still have them, but because I have my niece sleep with me, I have to be careful. I can't let her use the weighted blankets. 

The ideal weight should be 10% of your body weight, but I just love the heavier ones.

Anyway, I'm sorry I have to love and leave you now. I'll see you over the weekend.

[Captain24]

No I haven’t. I wouldn’t even know where to start looking @tyme 

I know you have to go but I’m just not ready. 

Have a good night. 

[Captain24]

I’m lying here just crying. I should be asleep. My alarm goes off at 4:30. If I had sick leave I’d just call in sick. I don’t want to do anything. 

[Captain24]

I got up and took extra sleep meds. I’m still not asleep. 

My two babies are lying against my back. It’s some comfort. They love me it’s just a shame they are not people. They can show their love but can’t say it and hold me the way I need to be held right now. I do love them. 

I know no one is reading this but I just need to say it. 

[Captain24]

I’m not ok. 

All I want to do is cry. My pillow was wet from crying last night. 

The way I drive to work was flooded this morning. I finished work and just drove home the same way not thinking and had to turn around and go back another way. 

My dad just told me I was stupid and should have more common sense. 

Just drag me down even further. I’m far enough down that hole as it is that I can’t see a way out. Maybe there is only one way. My parents don’t care at all so why bother. 

[Captain24]

I can’t control my emotions. I spent half the day at work crying. I’m so stupid. I hate myself. I hate my life. I’ve had enough. Contemplating things I shouldn’t. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Today sounds so hard. 

Maybe it's not about trying to control our emotions, but rather, letting them be? I'm not sure if it was you or another person who posted about their emotional weather... maybe this is just your emotional weather and it's about letting it pass rather than controlling? In doing so, it may be easier for you to be kind to yourself.

At this time, are you able to tell the community what support looks like for you here on the forums?

I'm here if you need a chat.

[Captain24]

Never heard of emotional weather @tyme 

Nothing anyone can do. 

I guess you don’t want me around. I know I'm too much for you. 

[tyme]

True that there's nothing we can do with the weather. We've just got to accept it as it is. But we can dress to the weather.

I'm sorry you feel I don't want you here @Captain24 . DId I say something for you to think this way? You are certainly NOT too much for me. I tell you who is? My niece!

I had left some firm mangoes in the sun (I thought they would ripen a bit). When I took them out today, one was off. I told my niece it was off because I put it in the sun. She perks up, "I don't know what's more off - you or the mango!"

Geez.... this kid.

So yeah, you are NOT too much... not at all!

[Captain24]

Sorry @tyme It just felt like it. I felt an edge. 

She comes out with on liners. 

I have a joke for your nephew. 

Why did Santa get a parking fine?

He stopped in a snow parking zone.