Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@Teej

Your colours - weave it your way

[outlander]

@Teej 💜 💜 

[CheerBear]

@Teej

Found this yesterday when I was out with the little crew. I was feeling very lots 😢 at the time too. It gave me a tiny teeny smile and made me think of you. 💗 to you. Here too if you'd like a listening ear (eye) sometime.

[Teej]

Thanks @CheerBear, @outlander, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @Mazarita, @Sans911

last night I had to write this as a way of being accountable. I was quite wound up and very negative and wanted to keep going. It’s much harder for me these days to keep going with it if I write it here. 

Im better today for the deep 10 hr sleep as a result. I know it’s not healthy and my psych would have a fit but as least I don’t tip over as much. 

I was hurt deeply yesterday by one of mine who let all his frustrations out with me and it left me with much si and feeling like a burden. I’ve tried to keep it in perspective but it’s hard and he was right for much of it. Today we are back to normal although he has a whip in hand still :face_with_rolling_eyes:. 

Thank you you all for your responses and caring. Many hugs 💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Great to see you this morning @Teej. Hope your day is a better one today 💗

[Sans911]

@Teej- Good morning hun. I am sorry that you feeling a low after that interaction. Hoping your SI reduces soon , and you are feeling a little better about yourself soon.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Big hugs back again @Teej 💜💐💕

Please remember that the young ‘uns are in the age-of-no-filter and will communicate with you very differently about the same things as they age and mature ......

My D1 let loose at me the other day and I just couldn’t get through to her that she was over-riding boundaries and this being abusive ..... and was even having a go at me for withdrawing, over-riding my explanation of my responses and presuming to tell me what my motivations were, and even what I was feeling, which were both wrong by the way ......

This is symptomatic of the pd we are carrying, but D1 is not living like that to the point where her life is dysfunctional ..... in her it is “just” traits ..... but traits she can recognise when she has a mental shift, and she did, right in front of me .....

The it became an avalanche of apologies, and statements about how she had no right to do that to me ..... from one extreme to the other in seconds, and all unintentional.

While all that is about me, I wanted to remove the example from you and yours in the hope of passing you some insight.  Nobody is perfect ..... we all carry traits of this or that, and like two sides to a coin, the traits present as both strength ha and weaknesses, according to circumstance, according to application, according to tempering by other traits inclusive of empathy .....

Gently, gently @Teej.  Moderate what he said so it doesn’t feed your inner critic something that can get spewed back at you in a dark moment Hon.

Hugs n hugs ..... 💋

[outlander]

@Teej 💜 💙💚

[Teej]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, @Sans911, @CheerBear 💜

@Faith-and-Hope it’s kind of complicated but it was also about him. His comment was that he needs to leave this house and know that I can look after myself. In the heat of the moment he said lots of things that were messed up. He’s planning to leave in 6 months now and it’s like he is on a mission to fix me so he can leave with peace of mind that I’ll be ok. I don’t want him to think I’m his responsibility and I don’t want to be fixed by him. 

Im ok for now. It’s exam time and there has been lots in his head lately so much came out in frustration too. 

I have so much in my head at the moment it feels like I’m going to explode. I had an epiphany yesterday before all that stuff that I don’t quite know what to with. 

Ill be gone for much of the day now. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Glad to hear you have got perspective on it @Teej ..... 

His heart is in the right place anyway ......

Hope the day is okay for you.

💜