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Audrey617
New Contributor

How to reconcile with depressed partner

Hello,

 

It is my first time joining and posting on a support group, but I'm really out of options at this point, hoping that someone out there understands and be of some guidance to me.

 

I'm currently in an 8 month relationship with my boyfriend. Since we first met, I knew that he had some dark sides and traumas and so do I. I hesitated about giving the relationship a try because I was afraid I'd revert back to my previous state. We of course still gave the relationship a try. It's a beautiful relationship, even though we fought many many times in such a short amount of time, but I felt like he pointed out many things in me that I've never thought about before regarding my past and traumas. I feel like he is the only person who truly tried to understand and get to know me, tried to bring out relationship closer and I also slowly opened up to him, which I felt like have never happened with any of my previous relationships. 

 

Recently, the same issue keeps getting brought up. He feels like I prioritize everything and everyone else above him. I own a shop and many of my friends stop by for a chat on a daily basis. My boyfriend is also there very often but he feels like everytime I have male friends here, I suddenly act very distant and cold towards him as if I didn't want to be with him. He accused me of being flirty and wanting to show my cleavage without considering his perspective. I can understand the latter but the first part was unreasonable and plain mean to me. When I apologize he says I don't mean it. When I say I will change, he thinks I'm only doing it for his sake and it doesn't come from my inner mind because I don't love him. He thinks this is a basic instinct, if you love someone you will consider their feelings before your own. 

 

I cannot help but feel he is taking things out of proportion. He was abused physically by his mother for a very long time when he was a child, later on he also had terrible relationships that didn't work out. His ex also abused him physically and cheated on him several times. He constantly tells me that he feels hopeless and cannot go on with life, that I will have a good life with or without him. We both have nightmares very frequently (almost daily) and he wakes up crying, cursing and screaming very often. I tried to tell him that he needs help and that he is insecure from his past traumas, but he thinks I'm putting all the blame on him without doing any thinking of my own behavior. 

 

Our fights are getting worse and worse, suffering from many sleepless nights and swollen eyes. We love each other very much but at this point are both pessimistic about the future. I don't for one second want to give up trying but would really appreciate it if someone could give some hints on what to do.

 

Thank you for reading this long post, if someone does happen to read it. 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: How to reconcile with depressed partner

Welcome to the forums @Audrey617

There are so many wonderful people on the forums who may be able to offer suggestions and advice.  It sounds like you are a very caring person to be in a relationship such as you describe, with someone who has mental health issues, as well as trying to look after yourself, but some of the things you mention sound like abuse and domestic violence.  You are the most important person and do not deserve to be treated like this.  Abuse and domestic violence ARE NOT ok.  Other people will post throughout the day.  Please look after yourself. Heart

Re: How to reconcile with depressed partner

Hi @Audrey617

Welcome to the forum, thank you for sharing your experience.

I can see your are in a difficult relationship when your partner does not want to seek help. He may not be ready to seek counselling face to face, maybe suggesting phone counselling and a webchat may be less confronting for him. These links maybe helpful - here and here

 

I have searched under the term relationships and you may find this thread useful here

and under depression here. Have a read and then you can send that person a message.

 

If you want to send someone a message use the @mention symbol and that member will get an email like the one you just got from me.

 

Take Care

SleepyPanda

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