Functioning with ADHD

[creative_writer]

@tyme @Jynx I think I’m giving up gluten for a while after my blood test, I’m not digesting bread properly. I’m not going to wait until the celiac blood test result. I can’t think and I don’t know if that is making it worse. I am still craving something to help me concentrate and help me do things, I found something that sort of helps with that, but I’m not supposed to use this method

[Jynx]

It's rough hey @creative_writer. I think one of my biggest struggles in the brain fog land is being overwhelmed with how much I have to do, and struggling to prioritise them. So I end up doing 4 things about a quarter of the way instead of one thing till it's done. Then I still have those 4 tasks to do the next day, which can lead to functional freeze vibes. 

Sounds like that's one of the big ones, no? Like how do you know what to do next when you've got a bajillion aspects of recovery to try to focus on at once... Plus info coming at you from all sides about what to do. Like 'you can't work on your MH till your physical health is in check' or 'have you tried xyz therapy?' kinda stuff. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I have lots to do, but I’m struggling, I sometimes forget to log in my thoughts in my app as part of my psych homework, it’s not that I’m not logging it in, I can’t seem to do it everyday because I forget. I get stressed if I’m not able to do something, it gets hard, it turns into endless frustration. Frustration is worse if it is my bare minimum list not being fully fulfilled .

The nausea is bad rn, it can get super bad at night, the ickyness builds up during the day. You can probably imagine why things feel like shit right now. I am here trying to work on my physical health and mental health simultaneously, it feels even more overwhelming. I’m hoping the yuck feeling resolves somewhat so I can at least enjoy food on my birthday next week. On the plus, I just have to wait until Monday for blood test, just a bit longer

[Jynx]

@creative_writer building habits, like mood tracking, is hard. I struggle with that one too. Been supposed to be paying more attn to my pain symptoms myself but I haven't noted a single thing down. 

I find that setting a daily alarm does help me keep on track with certain habits. That and I have like a habit tracking app, similar to the Finch one there's a thread all about (idk if you are in it already?) except mine is err... spicy-oriented 😅 Cos funnily enough I found that to be a motivator for me! Should add a daily 'pain symptoms' task to my list! 

The other tricky factor is managing our shame response if we aren't able to a) perform to the same standard as those aroud us or b) perform to the same standard we are used to from ourselves. We are DRENCHED in hustle-culture, and it's really hard sometimes to be forgiving with ourselves if we aren't able to 'keep up with the joneses' and that kinda thing. And like, I've had times where my capacity has been SUPER LOW (like after a mh crisis or relationship breakdown) and have had to remind myself that it's okay that I can't do the same level of activity and task-completing that I am used to. 

Maybe it's cos your brain is too full? Could you choose one VERY SMALL facet of recovery and just focus on that? If your goals feel out of reach, means you gotta chunk em down, not make em smaller! Like 'going for a daily walk' instead of 'get fit' or 'talking to someone new each week' instead of 'make new friends' you know?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx the thing is you can have phone notifications, but I still seem to somehow miss things at times. Maybe I need more notifications. I might look at the finch one.

I think my brain is a bit full right now, probably need to do more doable activities. Maybe it’s going to take time and I have to work with my capacity. I do want to increase it, but I need to continue with medical and psychological support. I’m also looking into getting support around nutrition and exercise. When I used to go to the gym, I would still feel chronically fatigued, weak and experience pain

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah that chronic fatigue is soooo gnarly hey. I feeeeel that. 

How are you today anyway? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx people often say if you experience chronic fatigue to exercise, but if fatigue doesn’t clear, then something else may need to be addressed (like an underlying issue), and exercise may need to be altered. Everyone’s body is designed differently, I put on muscle mass with great difficulty.

I’ve been distract today, so it hasn’t been so bad. I went out for lunch. I do think I need to rest now as the exhaustion is kicking in. I have to keep reminding myself that there is still hope that it’ll get better, but it is hard. Impulses may try to convince you that if you just let go, it’ll be easier, both mentally and physically. Though it is hardly a long term solution.

I hope today has been gentle towards you 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I think that - being bombarded by a bajillion conflicting pieces of info - is part of the problem hey. Been doing pretty consisten body-weight exercises since November and have noticed little change - like my muscles are a little more toned, but my pain? The same. 

Maybe this will warm you like it did me when I found it 😊

Have you found any glimmers today?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I think people often do not realise there is no one size fits all. Same things won’t work for the same people. Everyone’s physiology and brain is very different. We all learn differently, function differently and live differently. It’s something that needs to be considered in healthcare. Some doctors may label a patient treatment resistant when they just needed different meds and/or a different intervention. Trying the same thing over and over again can get someone nowhere.

I think it’s been good I’ve tried a different GP, because he did not brush me off like the others. Medical gaslighting and being brushed off is legitly more common if someone isn’t male. Sometimes we need doctors to ask the questions too, there would’ve been things I would’ve left out if he didn’t ask. Maybe some of us downplay our symptoms subconsciously, even though certain symptoms should be checked out just in case. I think sometimes we internalise the brushing off.

I think it also helps to know there are other avenues that might help with physical and mental health. Holistic is the way to go. I’ve mentioned I’ve had disordered eating, it would be good to get nutrition and exercise support. Psych support is great, but disordered eating is complex. People tell me my diet is inadequate. I don’t think I fully meet anorexia, but I do show some obsessiveness on what to eat, portion sizes etc. though it’s combination of fear of weight gain and fear of impacts of eating the wrong food on my health. I do realise it may not be healthy long term even if it is not quite there. I hate to admit to disordered eating. It helps me cope with trauma, I feel so reluctant to let it go because it gives me control.

Also my pdoc and psych are really non-pathologising and recognise my strengths. My psych is encouraging me to connect in spaces where others may hold my interest. Even if it is over zoom for now, it’s a start. I also have so many things I still want to do, I may not be working, but I’ve passed the Lifeline placement. My supervisor on shift thought I was ready to go, probably helped that I had prior knowledge, it was easier to get into it

[creative_writer]

@Jynx are you still here?