Functioning with ADHD

[Jynx]

@creative_writer oh gosh, guess who lost a tab? LOL I could have sworn I'd replied to your message! My bad! 

Now to try to remember what I had written... It's like losing half an unsaved essay all over again 😅

I do know that what you said about us downplaying our symptoms and internalising the brush off really resonated with me. It's so hard, but I have been trying to trust my instincts - i.e. if we feel like something is off or wrong in our bodies, it's likely cos there is. 

It sucks that you're also struggling with disordered eating hun. Do you think there's other ways you might be able to feel that sense of control? Are you linked in with the Butterfly Foundation at all?

Congrats re finishing your training! How you feeling about it? For the record, you'll probably never feel 'ready' - no one ever does 😝

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s okay, it happens to the best of us. I’ve had multiple times when I thought I posted, only to go to the tab to see it’s not posted 😂

I think I do need to learn to trust my gut. I do think something is unbalanced, even if I don’t fully understand. Maybe it’ll come with time. I haven’t exhausted all my options.

I’ve been in contact with the Butterfly foundation before, but not for a while. When people do comment on my eating habits, it’s hard not to get defensive. I even get offended when people ask me directly about it just by looking at my physical appearance. I can fluctuate from denial to acceptance. It’s complicated. I don’t know what else I can lean to for control, I think I might need thinking time.

I don’t feel ready, I was really surprised she thought I was ready after two placement shifts. We had to do at least two in order to be qualified. I don’t think I was amazing, I stumble over my words all the time. Though having some previous experience did help

[creative_writer]

@Jynx do you think a stimulant alternative exists, I’m searching for something to help me concentrate

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Only the one I think I've mentioned before, for narcolepsy? But no idea whether it's commonly prescribed in Australia. Otherwise, like... I guess I'm curious if you're looking for 'sustained attention' or whether you're more just fighting brain fog and malaise?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx combination of sustained attention, brain fog and malaise. I do feel like I may also be a bit inflamed, maybe that’s making it worse. I’ve been sick a lot this year. Maybe I’m fed up, but my moodiness is jumping sky rocketing high. I haven’t even had a period this month yet. My period diary is alerting me it’s been 38 days (that’s not normal for me). I’ve tried ways to improve my depression, anxiety and attention, matcha and saffron help , but I feel like I’ve sort of developed a tolerance

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Legit. I asked cos for me, I've kinda been trying to come to terms with the fact that I simply cannot sustain my attention in the way others do. Like unless I am in hyperfocus, I simply cannot stay focused on one thing. So like if I have to read something dense or do a training or something, I have had to accept that I will get up and wander, I will check my phone, I will stop to stretch, look at a meme, watch my cats do something silly... When I do return my focus, I always get the work done! But if I try to force myself to be entirely focused on the task, to the same level I get when I hyperfocus, I will get frustrated and overloaded A LOT more quickly than if I let myself have those brief diversions of attention. I think I've gotten really good at ensuring they're only brief too, though that can be tricky at times.

The fog and malaise are a different story though 😅

[creative_writer]

@Jynx maybe it’s a skill to learn to be okay with not being able to sustain attention. Some of us are easily distracted. ADHD is a weird one, it’s hard to concentrate on regular mundane tasks yet so easy to hyperfocus on special interests. Maybe I am disappointed, I felt like I was making progress, only for it to go backwards. I don’t know if I developed tolerance to my focus tea, or if I’m just so burnt out, foggy and fatigued. Hormones probably don’t help. Right I don’t know what went wrong.

I know I need to be patient, but it gets hard when you feel so restless and feeling desperate to get out of your head. I know there are other avenues that I probably should explore like lowering gluten, celiac and non celiac gluten intolerance both affect mental and physical health. I might also need to address potential nutrition imbalances. It’s just that those methods might take a while to show benefit.

Maybe I’m trying too hard to run away from the inner turmoil in me. I find it very hard to be okay with being scattered brained, because when I’m scattered brain, the trauma thoughts come up. I find it hard to sit with those thoughts for hours everyday

[AuntGlow]

Good evening @creative_writer! How are you doing? 

I am doing the rounds and would love to hear about what you have been up to over the weekend and if you've been able to do anything creative or nice for yourself? 💛☺️

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I haven’t been up to much this weekend, been a bit unwell. I did go out for lunch yesterday, and got a baby pink satin scarf yesterday. Today I’ve been at home. Did you get up to much this weekend?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Don't forget that progress in recovery is never linear 😉

We should expect to go backwards at times. It does NOT mean we are not making progress. Just means more opportunities to learn, and grow 😊

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@creative_writer wrote:

Maybe I’m trying too hard to run away from the inner turmoil in me. I find it very hard to be okay with being scattered brained, because when I’m scattered brain, the trauma thoughts come up. I find it hard to sit with those thoughts for hours everyday

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So just to get some clarity, does it feel like you are focusing on all of this so much because the alternative seems to be getting lost in spirally thoughts?