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Exhausted and worried

My daughter is going through hell and it breaks my heart. She has disocciated twice this week and had two panic attacks. Today I went out for a while and when I came home she was in the shower. We spoke briefly, then she fell asleep with a towel over her pillow for her wet hair. She has been unwell with a sinus infection. She woke out a couple of hours later and freaked out (had a panic attack, then afterwards tears and negativity) because  she had no memory of the shower and a text she had sent her friend as she must have spent a few hours in a dissociated state. I spent  a long time reassuring her and listening but everything I said was wrong. I am exhausted and dont know how to help her when shes like this. She wants me by her side but seems aggravated by everything I say. If I go to leave the room she says I dont care about her. Has anyone had similar experiences with their loved one?


Re: Exhausted and worried

Hi @SuzieQ, we're so sorry to hear that you are going through this exhausting time. Have you read through SANE's fact sheet on what to do when someone is going through a crisis? This may help give you some extra resources and support for both you and your daughter. 


Additionally, you need to make sure you're taking time out for yourself and your own mental health is important. What things during the day do you do for yourself?

Re: Exhausted and worried

hi @SuzieQ that sounds really tough to try and be managing. Is this something new or a long time? Sometimes mental health can be made worse when the person sufferring it has a physical illness. I know for myself as i suffer from a dissoviation as well is that when im sick or in pain more then usual i dissociate more and just get more mentally unwell. my granddad is similar in that he wants to be more comforted or is scared more when sick even without meaning to be.

@Ali11 has made a really important point of needing to make sure your looking after yourself as well and getting some space even if it means a longer shower or a few extra walks outside.

has she also got some supports in place?

Re: Exhausted and worried

Hey @SuzieQ, just checking in to see how you are. Please let us know. Heart 

Re: Exhausted and worried

Hi @Ali11 ,

my daughter is better today, thanks for asking. I'm still recovering, feeling nervy. I'm going to make an appointment to see my psychologist. My daughter has bpd by the way. Her therapist sees her recovering as she is only 15. Lately shes been having about two dissociative episodes and two panic attacks a week. Smiley Sad

Re: Exhausted and worried

hi @SuzieQ

like your daughter i have bpd as well, im more then happy to disucss any questions you may have around it from someone with experience themselves.

Can you do some extra self care activities while she is at school or before you go to bed/in the morning before she wakes up? As much as your beautiful daughter needs you, your just as important and need to look after yourself too so that you can help her the best you can

Re: Exhausted and worried

@Determined if im remember right you also care for someone who have BPD and wondered if you could share some advice?

Re: Exhausted and worried

Thanks for the tag @outlander 

@SuzieQ welcome.

As outlander mentioned I support my wife who lives with BPD.  We have not had any events of dissociation, that I have identified anyway.  There have been times however that she has been 'zoned out' and almost unresponsive. Thankfully we are passed that now.

Unfortunately I can't really give any advice on how we got through that time as I really don't know other than one day at a time. I can say that this space here on the forum was invaluable as a space to discuss my emotions. I also had 2 young boys (primary school age) and a baby to focus on. During that period my darling spent around 4 months in hospital over a 12 month period. 

As outlander  and All11 have mentioned it is important that you have supports for yourself. I know I left it far too long to seek this out for myself. Happy to answer any specific questions you may have . 


Re: Exhausted and worried

That's great that you've made an appointment seeing your psychologist @SuzieQ. We're glad to hear that your daughter is doing better. Heart


Re: Exhausted and worried

thanks for thinking of me

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