07-08-2019 05:35 PM
The bad patch of SH/SA is still ongoing. Another ER visit on the weekend, and then last night too. We heard about both after the event.
Going out to a carer's get together tonight. Sorta weird, don't know how much we'll talk about what's going on. Big crisis points "drown out" other people who may need to talk too, but perhaps feel as if their problems are "smaller". May just tell one or two in the group who know us well during supper/chat time.
07-08-2019 11:06 PM
Was pretty good @Darcy. There were a couple of speakers covering NDIS info. I heard the first one, but got talking with a friend in the group (in another room) while the second one gave her presentation. The one on one chat was probably valuable for both of us. I apologised to the second speaker for missing her bit. She wasn't offended. She gave Hubby a bunch of info sheets, and offered to email through some other resources too.
Now to bed...
09-08-2019 09:54 PM
@Darcy, we found out yesterday that we've "passed" Stage 1- they've referred Hubby for an independant psych asssessment. I'd realised thinking over the Centrelink interview that yeah... it's asking a bit much to expect them to have a fully qualified psychologist on hand, so being referred on to a specialist was the most likely course of action.
There was an appointment available this coming Monday, but Hubby's arranged to spend a week away with a friend as a bit of "respite and recovery" time, so we took one that was available the next week instead. Usually once the specialist's assessment is done, it doesn't take long for approval/rejection to go through.
Both of us, if anything, try to push through for too long before asking for help. Honestly, I'll be very surprised if it doesn't get approved. The $$ side of it is no big deal to us, we've lived off much less.... but what I've said to Hubby is that the biggest benefit is that it gives him official permission to look after himself. It's very hard to make the shift to that mindset when there's a background expectation of "you should be working...why aren't you working..."
12-08-2019 08:44 AM - edited 12-08-2019 08:45 AM
Been mulling over how to post this without breaching guidelines, but do want to talk about it... carefully here I go.
You know how when there's an awkward topic you need to broach with one of your kids, child or adult, sometimes the best way is to wait until it comes up in general conversation. I've been wanting to talk with Older Daughter about the serious "collateral damage" that could be caused by some of her SI ideas, which were of a sort that would inevitably leave other people with no personal connection with her significantly traumatised. Got an opening for doing so the other day. Turns out that it's a plan she'd largely abandoned anyway, and hopefully our talk leaves it firmly abandoned. Told her that we don't want her going by any means, but particularly not in a way that takes others down too, in any form.
And now I'm feeling down over the fact that this conversation even had to happen. It's so far outside the usual "mother-daughter talk" range of topics that it twists the mind a bit. Sometimes I feel really left out when I see friends enjoying (actually really enjoying) outings with their adult family. With my Mum's ups and downs, adult mother-daughter fun days out with her really weren't a thing. They happened, but the focus was more on making sure she enjoyed it so that her mood would be in a better place, to everyone's benefit. Aaannnd history repeats with myself and Older Daughter. Hubby and I do get some fun times out with the other "kids", but it's sad that time out with her is depressing and worrying instead of being "time out". It's made harder by the way that the general assumption when you say "I had lunch out with Mum/my daughter yesterday" runs along the lines of "Oh, that's lovely. ". Not.
12-08-2019 10:33 AM
Thinking of you @Smc 🙁
I have had different discussions re darling with her mum over the years along these lines. Now I see how much darling misses her mum and think of lost time missed opportunities and being powerless to intervene or help in any way. It is tough. 😥
13-08-2019 12:44 PM
@Determined, the "powerless" part is one of the hardest bits to swallow. When you feel like you've exhaused all possible solutions or even explanations, and all you can do is say, "Hey, I'm here... still love you".
Finding some odd memoirs in the "toss or keep" sorting I'm doing today, from the time when Older Daughter was at home and sharing a bedroom with Younger. Some of it's sweet, some of it's disturbing. Yeep.
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