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TheGreatestStar
Casual Contributor

Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

hi there,

Just found SANE (god knows why it's taken me so long) and thought I might as well try my luck here, given that health professionals and mental health crisis units are currently failing me 😞

 

I'm by no means "the greatest star" btw, but this is my way of coping with the fact that my husband's mind in now lodged in the fact he is adamant he is the protagonist of his very own TV reality show, much like "the Truman Show" (which incidentally he'd never seen and only came across last week).  My 14yr old (ADD/ODD diagnosed) son and I are not really his wife and son, but "actors", in my case my sisters twin (I am an only child!), and in my sons' case he's child no. 2 or 3 that has been placed in the show.

His delusions and paranoias started at the beginning of last year, as a result (my analysis) of a number of events that happened back to back to him: he was diagnosed with heart block after an operation (this ended in nothing, and he's fine), a minor car accident that he didn't immediately acknowledge responsibility for, the downfall of his business (which he had built from nothing over the last 10 yrs), and finally another health scare which he was sure he was going to die from (he didn't).

Ever since then (we are now 1 yr in), I managed to get him to see 1 psychologist to which he denied being paranoid, 1 psychiatrist (who he know believes was an actress) and our GP twice (who gave him the referral to the psychiatrist).

Whilst at the beginning he felt some responsibility for what was happening, and felt emotions of failure, inadequacy, regret.  These are now totally gone, he refuses to seek medical help, has refused to take the medication prescribed to him by the psychiatrist (who has washed her hands off him and is ignoring my emails), and is not taking any responsibility for the fact that I've become the single income earner (my salary does not support us), and does nothing other than sit at home, not coming out of bed until the middle of the day (as there's nothing to come out for), not engaging with our son, who's currently on holiday.  He hardly leaves the house, has cut communications with all our friends and acquaintances and just fends people off when they try to make contact.

 

I guess I'm here to see how else i can literally force him to get help.

 

My last attempt was today going to see my GP, and ask her to look into having him scheduled.  I understand she is able to write a schedule 1 notice?  I'll hear from her on Thursday, as she needs to see what she can do since she's never scheduled anybody..... lucky her.  I'm really at my wits end.  And trying to keep a job, handle my son (who's really crumbling at this point), and stressing out about finances whilst trying to keep sane is really getting increasingly difficult.  I'm also in constant fight/flight mode, I keep wanting to move out, have actually been approved for several properties which i then decline, as my moral compass keeps me rooted.... and i guess deep down i actually just simply expect him to wake up one day and be back to normal (I know this won't happen.... but I'm the eternal optimist .... so i just cry a lot, and rant and rave about everybody elses' good fortune of happy and stable families and my unfortunate plight).

 

So, if there's anybody out there that can offer advice, suggestions, people that i can talk to, I'm all ears.  Really, it's just that I'm not really coping anymore.... sorry if that sounds lame.

 

Thank U!

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

is there nobody here that has read this post that can offer some help?????

Re: Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

Hi @TheGreatestStar Smiley Happy

 

I am a moderator of the SANE Forums. I wanted to begin by extending a very warm welcome to you! Smiley Happy

 

I can't begin to imagine how difficult it has been for you over the last year with your husband (and son). One of the most difficult things around having a loved one experience psychosis is a paired lack of insight into their mental instability and a coinciding refusal to receive treatment. I hope that your GP is able to help him access the treatment he very much seems to need. In the meanwhile, given how difficult this must all be on you, I would definitely advocate for you to reach out for your own supports. Do you have any supports in place for yourself? Please know you are most welcome to call our helpline (1800 18 72 63) or utilize our chat service. However, if you are experiencing a crisis or emergency, please call Lifeline (13 11 14) or 000.

 

Additionally, I am sincerely sorry that you have not received a reply to your post as of yet - it is incredibly difficult not getting a timely response when you are not coping. Sometimes it can be a bit of a slow start to building connections on peer support forums such as ours. I'm not sure if being in the school holiday period is also affecting your difficulty getting a response? Nonetheless, I hope that a Forums Member or Community Guides (@eth@Faith-and-Hope, @Shaz51@CheerBear@Teej, @outlander and @frog) will respond to your post in the near future.

 

Please take care of yourself in the best way you can!

 

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Re: Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

Hello @TheGreatestStar 

When mental illness strikes it can be a confusing time and we can feel helpless and alone.

 

You have raised some concerns and frustrations that we as carers often feel.

 

I don't know what state or territory you are in but your local Mental Health Act is readily available on line and sets out the criteria for involuntary assessment and treatment. Usually harm to self or others is a key feature of this.

 

There is a lot of grief in a diagnosis accompanied by social and financial sequelae.

 

"Lack of insight" is the medical term for when a patient is not able to realise that they have a problem. I will tag you in some talks that explain this.

 

It was not until our MH crisis settled that I realised the emotional toll it put on myself. I got support in a number of ways and this included carer support through a MH program, counseling, my GP did a mental health plan so I could get Medicare rebateable sessions and I did see a bulk billing psychologist,  I did however find a much better fit through a counselor with a rural health service in the area I lived in at the time. Psych education was really helpful in understanding the nature and treatment of the various diagnoses that were tendered in relation to my husband. I came across this forum after our crisis had settled somewhat and really enjoy the mutual support and encouragement. I still get maintenance counseling and as we have moved I am taking advantage of the free phone counseling via the carer gateway while I look into local services.

Re: Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

hello and welcome @TheGreatestStar Heart

letting you know that you are not alone my friend

my husband has had lots of diagnosis , inherited depression , GAD, SAD, Bipolar 11 Adhd just to name a few

I amd my husband`s 2nd wife and i have 4 step children who are all adults now with their own mental health problems

my husband was just on anti depressant before ending up in hospital

I came across this forum on the night we came home from  our crisis and have found it very supportive

 we have seen psychologists and   psychiatriss who have all washed their hands of my husband 

and after one Psychlogist blamed me   , my husband has cancelled all help altogether

my husband has stopped his meds many times and until I say something and then he starts taking them again

You have raised some concerns and frustrations that we as carers often feel.as @Former-Member , @Amour_Et_Psyché  have said is very true

 

 

 

 

Re: Coping with a delusional husband who does not accept he's mentally unstable (psychotic)

Hi @TheGreatestStar  and welcome to the forums.  I've been away and only now seen your post.  So sorry for the delay.  Also I'm mostly over on the lived experience side of the forums as I'm no longer a carer, tho I was for 18 years.

I feel for you with the situation you are in.  A year is a long time when coping with such difficulties.  I agree with everything @Amour_Et_Psyché @Former-Member and @Shaz51  have said and want you to know there are other avenues for getting someone scheduled.  They are not easy paths, but they are options.  One is to contact the 'CATT' - crisis and triage team - of your nearest hospital with a mental health unit, another is to actually ask the police to do a 'welfare check' on your husband.  Both will do an assessment and make the decision as to whether or not he needs to be hospitalized.  You could also ask your GP to recommend another who has mental health experience and qualifications.  

I know it's really painful to have to take such steps with a loved one (I went through it with my now adult child and have also been on the receiving end of such processes) - but it's not harder than what you are already dealing with in my experience.  And it will mean he gets the expert help he needs and hopefully an accurate diagnosis, and you will get some respite to sort out everything else in your life, including your son's needs.  And also you'll be able to research more specifically what your husband is experiencing and find suitable supports for him and yourself.

Said with care.

If you want to address a reply to a particular person type @ and you will see a drop down box where you can click on the name you want.  If you don't see the name there then type it and it should appear.

I do hope you find being here supportive and helpful and again apologize for the delay responding.  Unfortunately it does sometimes take a little while to get a response as we are all just other people dealing with life as best we can.  

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