Something’s not right
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11-09-2018 02:02 AM
11-09-2018 02:02 AM
Can't sleep...
...need to though, so if you don't hear back, it's a good thing. Just writing so it might help me sleep.
Every Monday night, I end up sleeping at 1, 2, 3am, cause I have therapy the next day. It freaks me out and tomorrow is going to be a difficult one, have to bring in photos from my youth. I start thinking of the mistakes I made, if only I had not been so naive, fought more for myself, etc, I would have been married, with kids of my own, my own house, etc. Instead of the lonely, old, fat loser that I have become. I'm meant to meet friends in a couple of weeks for my birthday. Fb friends which I have known for some six years but never met. The guy is in a relationship but I have had feelings for him since the beginning...nothing is going to happen and I'm fine about that, but gosh, it would have been nice to meet him before I piled on the weight. Which btw, because I piled on the weight, I don't have clothes. My anxiety is playing up, self-loathing is getting worse which makes me want to self-harm and then bingo, yep, the 'fn suicide already' chorus chimes in. Oh, and if that's not enough, I get to go to uni on the day they are doing suicide awareness day. Yippee!...get to be asked several times 'RUOK' by smiling excited young people. No, I am not ok, never was and never will be. I don't want to live, I am being forced to live. But I won't say that, I will smile back and say I am fine and wish them well. On the up side, I have the best cheek muscles I know from all that smiling.
Think I will burn my diaries tomorrow. I have this stupid fear that I will die and my family will discover my diaries. I don't want to burn them but I can't take the risk.
Ok, sorry, probably wasted your time with this nonsense. Going to try to sleep again...
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11-09-2018 11:38 AM
11-09-2018 11:38 AM
Re: Can't sleep...
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11-09-2018 03:31 PM
11-09-2018 03:31 PM
Re: Can't sleep...
Hi @Lemonjuice
I had a lotsa sleep problems, which is when I started on this forum. Not too bad at the moment. I hope you do have some good times ahead. You actually made me smile with your joke about strong cheek muscles ...
Keep posting and Take Care
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14-09-2018 01:17 PM
14-09-2018 01:17 PM
Re: Can't sleep...
We have these resources here in case it's helpful:
https://www.sane.org/the-sane-blog/wellbeing/10-tips-for-sleep-hygiene-counting-sheep-for-adults
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14-09-2018 01:22 PM
14-09-2018 01:22 PM
Re: Can't sleep...
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14-09-2018 01:30 PM
14-09-2018 01:30 PM
Re: Can't sleep...
It's great you were able to reach out to Lifeline last night - thanks for letting us know how you are and all the very very best for your exam. Sounds like you are doing all you can to look after yourself in preparation for it.
Hope you smash it!
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15-09-2018 07:01 PM
15-09-2018 07:01 PM