Lived Experience Forum

[ArmandaLeg]

Hi

I got recently diagnosed with PTSD and going on workcover at the start of covid and frankly it has been quite a shit time sitting with all the difficult feelings. I have felt really lonely with friends all dealing with their own issues and still spending some time with me - I just feel like I need more. 

The strongest desire I had was for someone to hug me really tight and tell me it will be ok and look after me. I am so glad the gyms are back open yet I find it difficult to motivate myself. I have 2 counsellor but they are by phone as is my gp. I long for the world to get back to some kind of normal as it contributes to my feelings of being unsafe.

If the borders were open I would jump on a plane and head to some cheap yoga retreat where I could get companionship on a daily basis with smily friendly faces and actually do some yoga which I like but find it hard to get to the gym to do. I am spending way too much feeling defeated in my bed watching crap content online. 

I find it difficut to concentrate to read and with my ADHD along with the PTSD my meory has been shocking which is quite embarassing.

People know me as strong and reslient. But right now is the toughest of my life. I am grateful for the counsellors and the couple of long time friends but I need more activities that I could do. 

I have been considering an inpatient stay but worry about my friends dealing with my plants and pets. 

Oh and my Father died in April.

I have been unable to cry and feel like I really need to but find it hard to really feel safe in telephone counselling at the moment.

 I was trying to find a closed and facilitated online PTSD support group but could not find one if anyone knows of one that would be great.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Whitehawk]

Hi @ArmandaLeg 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about yourself.   I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection. I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

A source of information about finding a PTSD support group might be the SANE Help Centre 10am to 10pm AST phone 1800 18 7263

Take care.

Whitehawk

[ArmandaLeg]

Thanks Whitehawk -I will try to call on Sunday.

Was my post within the guidelines?

[Whitehawk]

Hi again @ArmandaLeg 

It looked fine. To tag another member or a moderator just put an @ before the member's name.

welcome aboard

Whitehawk

[ArmandaLeg]

Thanks @Whitehawk 🙂

[Maggie]

@ArmandaLeg  Hi and welcome.

There are many of us here struggling with PTSD, so we do understand and empathise with the many challenges it can bring. And yes, the virus has added to the list of difficulties there.

I really am sorry to hear you lost your dad in April. Sometimes deep pain can leave is feeling numb. I’m sending you a very tight hug right now. You can cry on my shoulder. 💜💜💜💜

Motivation is one I struggle with a lot also. We have a thread that might be helpful.  Daily goals, motivation and check in  sometimes encouraging each other helps.

If you feel an inpatient stay would be helpful, I’m hopeful your friends would care for you plants and pets, sometimes people don’t know how to help, but could be very willing.

Take care. 💞💞

[ArmandaLeg]

Thanks @Maggie  

That was a powerful hug. My shoulders dropped a little and my eyes became a bit lubricated. 

I have booked in for a local hike today but woke with anxiety so I remembered some mediations that I used to enjoy from Dorothy Ratusny so found the app and am playing them now with my headphones on. I get a very kind and caring vibe from her (and you too).

The thoughts and feelings that keep coming to me are that I need a "Mother" - someone to look after me cause I am finding it hard to do it myself. As it turns out I ended up with 2 "dud" parents. So the death of my Father is not really a straightforward loss that my friends might imagine. That is an easy way not to go into story and triggering information. Yep I read the guidelines:)

looks like we might have some blue skies again today which is a an good mood boost.

Have a great day. 

[Maggie]

@ArmandaLeg  I ended up with a couple of ‘ dud’ parents also, so I do understand the confusion when death arrives. Still a loss, just a twisted one.

I hope Dorothy helps today, a hike sounds nice. I love nature, so imagining some bush, smells and scenery. 

We we have a white frost outside at the moment, so it will be a nice day, once the sun arrives. I’m hope to finish some stone painting, and resin, to finish the job.

Nice chatter this morning. Take care today. 💞💞💞

[Maggie]

@ArmandaLeg  Just wondering how you are getting on? Leaving some 💞💜💞

[ArmandaLeg]

Thanks @Maggie  for the love. I went on a bushwalk yesterday and went for a small walk today prior to seeing a specialist and I think it helps. Being with other people outdoors and chatting was good to get out of my head. I wish I had a regular walk group - gets me out of my head. I will aim for a walk tomorrow as well. I took some pics of the water and a rainbow and that helps me focus on the good things in life. Hope you had a good day.