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Something’s not right

Hurtandalone
Contributor

Back at work

hey everyone I am back at work again at the same place for another week. I am starting at a new unit in a week I just hope I am making the right decision. The story is I have been getting bullied by a group of three woman in the workplace. I have tried to be nice by at least saying hello and goodbye to them but I am totally ignored. I work in a group home with people with disabilities and they have even gone to the extent of talking bad aboute to try to turn one of my clients against me. I have worked with this client for over 8 years. I am totally ignored when they come on shift and I have given up on trying to be nice and say hello when all they do is ignore me. Part of me is happy to be transferring but I hate the fact I am giving them what they want. I feel sick everyday at work if I know they are in shift and my anxiety levels get really high. I only have a week to go but it really hurts to be treated so badly when I am just trying to get on with things

14 REPLIES 14

Re: Back at work

Hi @Hurtandalone

I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you are having at work. That sounds like an immensely stressful environment to be working in, it’s no wonder you are feeling sick when you are there. It can be so disappointing when people are unable to engage in even the most basic of pleasantries… I really think everyone deserves to receive at least a smile and basic hello from their colleagues at work 🙂 It is so true that we can't always control the way other people react to us, but at least we can control how we respond... I personally take a lot of comfort in that.

@Hurtandalone I wonder if we could perhaps brainstorm some ways that might help you to get through this last week of work before you transfer units? For me, if I have had a bad day at work, I try to purposefully do something nice for myself in the evening, kind of like a little reward for getting through it. For example, a warm bubble bath. Do any ideas come to mind for you? I know a number of our members have walked through similar situations in the past, so they might have some interesting insights about how to cope... Eg., I recall reading that @WombatBoots was once they bullied into sickness by a boss... I also know that @Appleblossom has quite an extensive work history, so also might have some insights about how to navigate these situations. You might also like to check out this thread to read about how other people have got through hard times like this.

@Hurtandalone I hope you can find strength and comfort in these Forums this week, and know that we as a community have got your back 🙂

Stay strong,

Mosaic

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Back at work

Hi @Hurtandalone 

I'm glad that you only have a week left, but it'll be a horrible long week. I think it'll be extra important for you to be nice to yourself ths week. I think its disgraceful that they have even talked to clients in the house... that is just terrible and putting themselves ahead of the needs of the clients. 

Do you have some friends who you can spend some time with during the week to help debrief a bti with? If not don't be afraid of using help lines like crisis line to help you unload if talking it through with someone is more helpful than writing it, or keep writing about things on here. But as well as debriefing i would also say make sure that there is some time for fun, maybe set a timelimit, that you'll talk about it for 20 or 30 minutes then you're going to forget about it for the evening and focus on fun/relaxing/being yourself 🙂 SO easier said than done!! I know! and i'm terrible at it...

Here with you this week,

be kind to yourself,

LJ

Re: Back at work

Thank you for your message. Yes it is just horrible and I have never gone through anything like this in the workplace.
I dont work with these people everyday which helps but I do have to work a few this week. I have decided the best thing I can do is be professional and if they decide to ignore me well that's up to them. I think if I don't show it upsets me and get on with my work that will help me to feel more in control of the situation. It's much easier to say than do but I have been upset enough which is what they want. What you say is right I don't really do much but stress about it even when I am not at work so yes things like a bubble bath will def help relax me. Thank you again

Re: Back at work

Thank you Lisa Jane for your message also. I do have a couple of friends but I feel like I am being a pain if I keep talking about it. My mum is the closest person toe and I tell her everything. That has helped me a lot. It really does help talking on here as I feel like it really gets things off my chest. I am a little unhappy about the fact that I am leaving and these people get to stay working at a place I loved until all this happened. I guess everything happens for a reason and if I don't liked new place I have transferred to I can always go back to where I am now which isn't something o really want to do unless I have to.
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Back at work

Hiya,

@Hurtandalone it is unfair.. 😞 the world isnt fair.. I have recently been to court against my ex who was violent and abusive.. he was found guilty of one charge against me but even though he's been found guilty, he'll still be able work as a teacher and in leadership after a short probationary period and still gets away without paying child support for the kids but is still able to control and delay all aspects of family  court proceedings.. and i've lost my appeal for legal aid and will now have to represent myself in all matters to do with family court. but at least you'll be in a better place away from that negativity (even as i am safer and my kids are happier now where we were two years ago)

Glad that posting here helps.. I'm sure your mum is only too happy to support you but keep trying to find that balance between letting it out and then trying to focus on the rest of your life outside of that situation and keep lookin for the positives.. so hard to see sometimes but always there 🙂

LJ

Re: Back at work

Wow sounds like you have been through a lot! I have just got home from work because I had a phone call from my manger at work saying that until I have finished working at my current unit I cannot work alone because of a complaint which was made. I am not allowed to know what it is though. I wasn't shocked as I know lies have been made up about me to one of the parents of a client. On top of that I have also been accused of damaging a staffs personal vehicle !!!! I started to just cry as I so shocked at the level these people are going to to make my life hell.
The manager virtially ts me that these people making false accusations about me will be brought into the office and spoken to about there behaviour. But foru own protection I cannot return to the unit after this week. She also said she would like me to apply for an upcoming team leaders position. I am happy that management seem to believe me but I don't see why I should have to leave a place I have loved working at when I am the innocent one but as you said life just isn't fair sometimes. I am going to try to get through this week as positve as I can. I'm hurt but I guess everything happens for a reason and I can't let work take over my life.
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Back at work

Thats a great attitude to have, re being as positive as you can.. doesnt take away the hurt or the unfairness.. but if we can keep going and living our lives regardless of these petty people it shows us to have so much more strength and character than them either.. you'll be stronger for it. 

Sounds great about the leaders course! go for it! It is great to know that there are people who believe you and that they understand whats going on... even if the system is crap! 

fingers crossed tomorrow is ok! good luck!

Re: Back at work

I was bullied at my previous workplace by my manager, so badly that I ended up with the first bout of depression I had ever experienced in my life (big shock for me as it is not remotely my normal mindset) and while I did ultimately end up leaving one thing I found that kept me going was to turn it into a game.

 

I set up something like a Bingo sheet with all the ways she would bully me on it eg. 'Tell me that I have not done a job, instead of asking if I have done it' or 'Block my Study leave' all that stuff. Every time she did one of those things I would check it off the board, and at some point during the day she would have done enough that I would say 'Bingo!' out loud and give myself a treat. It made me giggle, and it was a way to turn her nastiness into something absurd and laughable.

 

I also made myself a little scorecard with my own responses - so if she did something to provoke me, buit I responded with an air of amused poilteness, I would get points, and she would lose them. If I let her get to me, or provoke me into a bad mood or a bad day SHE would get points. For some reason I liked to score this like a tennis match, with Game, Set and Match points. Usually a set per day with an over winner by the end of the week. 

 

By turning it into a game I was able to significantly bypass the fight/flight (mostly fight!) response that I had been having to these 'attacks'. It also made me disociate a little from the exchange and see it from the perspective of an interaction between two people, one of whom was trying hard to be well mannered, and the other who was trying hard to be unpleasant. Seen from the outside the bully loses a lot of their menace and seems pretty pathetic (if not actually sympathetic!) in their snarkiness.

 

 

Re: Back at work

@chookmojo - this is the most creative way I have ever heard of handling such a horrible experience. It's awesome!

And the fact that it reduced your symptoms is fantastic.

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