Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[SuddenlyAlone]

Hi all,
Firstly my apologies as I am very new to all this.

My partner was taken to and admitted to hospital just over 2 weeks ago after he called 000 with suicidal thoughts (he has had depression & anxiety for years but nothing this serious) he then told me they had diagnosed him with PTSD then when his doctors asked to meet with me they told me they had diagnosed him with Paranoia and Psychosis. They believed that his Paranoia was aimed at myself which it also feels like to me too. He is continually getting very angry and aggressive with me on the phone at night time because he is texting Psychic numbers from the internet and apparently they are telling him that I am having an affair (I most definitely am not) that the baby I am pregnant with is not his ect which is becoming really distressing to myself and I don't know what to do anymore? He tells me if I tell his doctors or nurses he will never talk to me again or that I will 'pay' for it as he is convinced I want him to stay in hospital but I don't I want him to get better! I am spending from 10am-8pm at the hospital with him then talking to him until after 11pm on the phone (if I say I am tired he gets angry) I have 2 children to get up to early in the morning and he knows this but he doesn't seem to care! He's been on the phone and said he can hear someone breathing in the bed next to me (our 1yo sleeps in bed with me). So sorry for the rant or if it's confusing I just don't know who to talk to or what to do and I'm beginning to feel really drained 😔

[Pebbles]

Hi @SuddenlyAlone

Thank you for your post today and sharing some of your story with us. 

You surely do sound like you are juggling a lot at the moment. It's good to have a space where you can air some of what's going on for you, too much to try and hold in. 

I hear that you want you want the best possible treatment for your partner and that you want him to get better. I'm curious as to what support the hospital can offer to you? Are they aware of the story that he is telling you? 

Honesty and consistency is important for us all. It helps us be guided by our values and living our lives in alignment with them. 

Are there things you can put in place to help assist you and your family through this? 

The forums community are here for you 

[SuddenlyAlone]

Thank you for your reply @Pebbles
The hospital have offered me no support, and no they are not aware of his abusiveness towards of a night time every time I tell him I need to talk to his doctors about it because it's effecting me he gets even more angry and tells me I mustn't love him if I'm going to sob him in to them.
I really have no idea where to turn to for support? My family are very unsupportive, he doesn't want me to have contact with my best friend etc

[Happydays1]

This is a very difficult time for you right now.  I think you should talk to the hospital staff because he could do harm to you or himself.  You will feel better getting it off your chest and he can perhaps get the help he needs.  My husband was the same with me turning on me but one day the doctor observed him twisting my arm up my back and they sent me away.  I then received a call from the hospital to ask me to return as soon as possible because he had assulted a staff member, smashed a window on the 9th floor and tried to jump out.  He almost severed his own arm in the process and they needed my consent to operate.  I was not permitted to see him for a while as he was so unwell.  Things will get better once he gets the right treatment and help and he will not think badly of you.  You need to spend less time at the hospital and not feel guilty.  You deserve a life too.  Go and get some counselling from Carers or get your GP to refer you to a psychologist.  Don't leave it too long or your mental health will deteriorate to the point you are a blubbering mess.  My heart goes out to you.  Please put your own needs first.

[Former-Member]

Hi @SuddenlyAlone

I care for my husband who has a complex mental health history, he has been psychotic but does not have paranoia. I am afraid I am going to be quite blunt.

First episode psychosis is usually but not always a symptom of an underlying major psychiatric disorder. For us as carers it is a stressful and emotional time.

Mental illness can put a strain on the most robust of relationships and it is imperative you get support for yourself.

The hospital have obligations to you as a carer especially if your husband is deemed to have lost capacity. You can ask to speak to Docs without your husband. Don't be afraid to ask them what supports are available. The ward will probably have a board of brochures. Your husband should have been given information about his rights as a mental health patient.

I suggest that you familiarize yourself with your states mental health act.

The Sane info line can direct you to some carer resources, Carers Aust is a good starting spot. They offer free counseling and can advise you on how to keep friendships. One word that will crop up is boundaries, these are relationship rules that help protect our hearts.

With regard to psychosis, I have got the best information off schizophrenia sites (my husband does not have a Sz diagnosis). In the "what's new" tab I have put a link to "60 tips for helping people with Sz" as well as some links to YouTube talks on "loss of insight"

I am happy to answer any questions you might have.
Darcy

[Attahua]

Hi, just read your story and parts of it resonated with me as my partner lives with schizophrenia and when he becomes unwell and is hospitalised he believes I am cheating on him etc etc . Like you I used to get my child to school, take time off work and sit with him for hours and hours on end at the hospital, often being verbally abused etc. That was the first hospitalisation, we have had a few since then and I have learnt that when he becomes verbally abusive I walk away, leave the hospital ( where he is safe) and just simply get on with my life. I no longer spend endless hours sitting with him as quite frankly when he is well again the whole episode is a blur to him and he barely remembers how often I would sit there listening to him ramble. Of course I visit, but I make them short visits as I am reminded by family and nurses that I need to continue on with my day to day life, and stay well as am no use to him when he is in recovery if I am drained and exhausted. I really feel for you as I know how emotionally draining it is to be verbally abused and accused of things you have never done but that's when I have to remind myself that it is the illness talking!!It is very difficult to stay away from the hospital or not answer the phone that could ring anytime of the day/night but it is also quite empowering !!!! In my experience my partner and I have quite lengthy conversations when he is well agsin and it is at these times that we put some kind of action plan in place should he become u well again. My partner does say that my visits help him get better quicker but he no longer expects me to drop everything to sit by him , of course when he is sick he does as is very self centred then but that's when I remind him of all the things we discussed when he was well and how it's important that I keep working and run the household and I remind him that he agreed to that!!! Easier said then done and like I said, these are just my experiences!!!! All the best, take care of yourself and family 

[PeppiPatty]

Great living @Attahua

[Shaz51]

hello @SuddenlyAlone , checking in to see how you are xx

[SuddenlyAlone]

Hello Shaz51,<br><br>Things took a turn for the worse after he was discharged from the hospital and he physically abused and hurt me so there was an AVO put in place and I haven't seen or spoken to him unless it's been at court since early June. This was the worst experience of my life and I have felt so guilty like I had let him down which is not what I wanted I loved him and cared for him very much. I am due any day with our baby but he has decided he wants nothing to to do with our 2 daughters or this baby.

[Shaz51]

Oh @SuddenlyAlone, i am so sorry to hear things got worse , sending you tender hugs my friend

Have you got family support for you and your children ?? and remeber to keep in touch here as you are not alone xx

I was mentally abused by my father and my mum was abused , mum and i left when i was 12 after i was soo skiny and sick all the time ,