Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[miss]

Hi there, my husband who I have been in a relationship for almost 15 years has had 2 x episodes? in the last 3 months. The first only lasted for about 4 days before he came back down to earth, this time we are heading towards the 3 week mark. His psychologist had said she believed him to be in a psychotic episode in this last instance, she had spoken to him after he had sent me some disturbing text and had the CAT team and police looking for him. Myself and our two girls (6 and 2) along with the dogs hot tailed it out of there that day which I am very thankful for. In his episodes I become the enemy. He has been going through therapy for a year or so now in regards to his mum being a narcissist (he is the family scapegoat) and when he is in these I am accused of being one too but he will not speak to me to say what exactly my sins are only horrible texts that don't make a lot of sense. He is currently of the belief that he is going to go back to rehab, show everyone he is responsible and then have the kids taken off me. There are a bunch of other things I could say about his history etc and I don't know whether that is relevant? Rebab stints x 2 for alcohol abuse. ADHD diagnosis a couple of years ago and now it is suspected Bi polar because of these episodes but because he has not been assessed who really knows. The first episode was believed to be due to a change in his ADHD medication. My girls have been heartbroken not seeing or speaking to their dad who is in normal life very much a big part of their life and even when away for work he would always facetime them. He has spoken to them a few times on the phone, the story I have told them is that he is at the doctor because he is not doing well in his brain (this is normal age approriate discussion in our home with our eldest as she has been through 2 x rehab stints) and he has been happy to go along with that. The problem now is that the last time they spoke at the end of last week he was being very negative about me to my eldest daughter on the phone, she had made mention that he is not working, and for some reason that sent him into a rage about me and he was making snide rude remarks then demanded to speak to me where I got blasted.  I have at this point cut off communication with the girls and him as I am not wanting to put them in a position that is confusing and harmful. The last time he spoke to them was 6 days ago and twice since then he has asked to speak to them but I have said only if I can speak to him first and ascertain where he is at mentally. The fact that he will not speak with me and then I get abusive texts tells me maybe I am doing the right thing but honestly I just feel so out of my depths with this. Am I making it worse? Am I further pushing his belief that I am evil? If he spoke to them would that make any difference? He will not aknowledge that he was speaking to them until he brought his anger towards me to them. I should have said on the CAT team day he burnt all of my clothes and possesions or smashed them and then started sending me photos of the fire in the back yard which was when I was able to get the police to go and pick him up and take him to the hospital (CATT finished for the day), they sedated him and I was told he would get sectioned for 48 hours but they released him the next morning as he had only gotten to emergency and he presented fine despite multiple calls from myself and his psychologist to have him sent to the psych ward. He is now in another state staying with a "friend" and his wife and kids and I say "friend" because this family seems to have the emotional intellegence of a brick wall. Anway, I am off topic now. What is the advice? The girls are dying to be speaking to him / see him. Crying multiple times per day. Am I doing the wrong thing? The right thing? Everyone in my circle that I have spoken to have said they should not be speaking me them and family were very unhappy with me even allowing them to speak to him the first few times. Anyone have any words of wisdom please?

[greenpea]

@miss Hi miss sorry you have been going through such a hard time. Firstly have you kept all the texts that he sent you and took pictures of the clothing etc which he destroyed. I think that is very important. Secondly I personally would be thinking of getting lawyers involved.... are you planning on getting back together with him or seperating and divorcing .... or is that all too far in the future to even think about.

Getting back to the lawyers I really think you need some legal advice on how to deal with this so that you know where you stand moving forward. Preferably it would be wonderful for your children to speak to their dad BUT you have to organise yourself first because I am sure he is.

Take care gp

[miss]

@greenpea I really don't know. I was more hoping that this episode would end and he would come back down to earth and seek help like he did last time and I was hoping to get advice as to what to do in the mean time until he comes back down to earth. There is such a long wait for psychitrists where we live that he had not been able to be seen (crazily his old psychiatrist who diagnosed the ADHD is no longer a doctor since earlier this year, as in stripped from him for malpractice I believe) since this last time despite attempts by my husband but still on a waiting list. The police advised that because of this incidence he would get pushed through the system quicker. Between the two episodes he was back to being his normal self and was very scared from what happened. So I don't know. I mean how long could this possibly go on for? Surely he is still in some sort of episode? Or do I just assume that he hates me and he thinks that I am no good for my children now? I just can't have that seem okay in my head, this man normally loves me and tells me often what a great mother I am. Honestly I don't know, I am an absolute wreak emotionally at the moment. 

[miss]

@greenpea oh and yes, everything is kept. The police have a lot of it because he destroyed property they have to serve him with a keep the peace order (which they have not been able to yet since he skipped state) as the destroying of property is considered domestic violence. 

[Jkate]

@miss

So sorry to hear your story.  My husband was also put on ADHD drugs (mis diagnosed) and after 18 months on them he went into a psychotic episode.  Eventually a new doctor told us he should never have been on that medication and that it esentially fried his brain which brought on the shcitzophrenia (not surprising since its pretty much speed). 

[Jkate]

@miss

Yesh my husband now has schizophrenia, but it was the ADHD drugs that really brought it on, he had always had depression, but the delusional thoughts didn’t kick in until he had been on that drug for about 6 months (although he believes there is nothing at all actually wrong with him).   Talk with his doctor if you can and say your concerns about him getting out.   My husband fit the “adhd” profile too, but when you talk to a good doctor, they will tell you that the meds only really work for kids up to 13, pretty useless for anyone past that age, it doesn’t act as speed in kids, as it does when you are older.   But that’s just our experience. 

[Shaz51]

hello @miss, my husband was diagnosed with ADHD with two of his sons, ut then he was dignosd with bipolar 11 xxx