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Something’s not right

Tracy11
New Contributor

Adult Mental Health

As a parent of an adult son with mental health problems, why is it so hard to find help.  Even though my son is over the age of eighteen, he is not capable of making decisions that will help his mental. He is over eighteen and therefor has the right to say and do what he wants. As a mother i find it frustrating, hopeless and heartbreaking. When i know my son is not able to make good desicions for his own wellbeing. I as a parent have to then watch my son deteriorate as a person and with his mental health every day. I have no say what could be best for my son. I watch hkm change into someone i dont recognise. He looks like my son, but thats about it. As a parent i have no rights whatsoever regarding my sons quality of life, because he is over eighteen. He is in denial, and thinks their is something wrong with everybody else except him. He can act just as well as a Hollywood movie star, when he has to see professional people in the Mental Health area. He fools them everytime, then is sent home for when he has another episode. These people are supposed to know people with mental health issues.  My son has never been diagnosed. Because he is an adult and can tell them about himself. My son intimidates me, has physically, mentally and verbally abused me. I literally have nothing left in my house. During his episodes he has smashed and destroyed most things in the house. He yells, screams, swears at people who arent even their and regularly has conversations with two or three people who arent their either. He has paranoia and can go into a rage over a single word i have said. I have had to call the police many times, and have even feared for my life. He yells at swears at the neighbours, and still when he goes to the Psych Ward at the hospital, within twenty minutes he is back home, because their is nothkng wrong with him. I feel like im going insane. And still he can decide what is best for himself. As a mother, i am supposed to watch my son deteriorate every single day and become someone i dont even recognise or know, until he dies or myself. My son was incarcerated recently because the police were sick of coming to the house. Their words, told to both my son and I. I was told they wouldnt come anymore unless i charged my son. I couldnt do it.  I told them all i wanted was for my son to get the help he need, i didnt think jail was where he should be. I wanted him to get professional help for his mental health. I was told that if i charged him, he would get help. Rubbish. He was a first time offender with mental health issues  and was incarcerated. I believe, he was in the too hard basket and the police did what was easier for them.  My son and i both desperately need help. I feel like i have failed my son as his mother, and beat myself up everyday. I would like to know where we can both go for help.  I dont believe im the only mother with an adult in this situation.

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Adult Mental Health

Hello @Tracy11 

Those are very difficult circumstances. 

Sorry, I do not have any quick fixes, but share many of your frustrations.

I had hope when I saw the services giving more credence to family and carers, but now think a lot of it is lip service, and that many services are not letting on how little they understand or how bankrupt they with regard to providing adequate support or strategies.

 

That said, it is best not to give all hope.  I am working on being realistic about what I can expect in my circumstances. 

Take care of YOU,

not just your boy.

Apple

Re: Adult Mental Health

I could have written this, it is my experience too.

I feel your pain. I have not found any answers, my experience of mental health services is the same they see an intelligent man , don't see the severe mental health issue,  7 years now getting worse all the time.

Mental health do not listen to the family, they believe the unwell person's version.  I feel as you do. I am sorry you are going through this terrible situation.

 

Re: Adult Mental Health

Hi @Tracy11 

 

Thanks for sharing your story. Despite the overwhelming mess you feel you are in right now, I can tell you that sharing on here is a huge step.

 

It sounds futile, I know. 

 

As @Appleblossom mentioned - looking after you it's the most important thing you can do.

 

I'm glad you wrote in your last sentence that you don't believe you are alone in this crisis. I believe too, that their are ppl all around Aus. exactly in the same position you described.

 

I have personally experienced the same desperation you are describing. 

 

I can read the  love you have for your son too. That is almost the most heartbreaking part. As carers, we are coming from a place of love & honest intentions. It's not unreasonable to expect that our desires for our loved ones be acknowledged & valued. Yet, they are not. Instead of using us as powerful resources to aid in loved ones recovery, we are neglected & ignored. And the cycle goes on.

 

The mental health services are an institution. We can be lucky & find supportive & dedicated staff (there are many) or we can be seen as another number. 

 

My fear is that many workers are just as exhausted & overwhelmed as we are. It is mostly a system that has lost hope, & follows protocols. 

 

I'm not sure what state you are in, have you tried calling Carers Australia?

1800 242 636

I don't know what they can offer. Maybe there are resources available to help? At the least you should be able to get some counselling.

 

There is also 

Carer Gateway  

1800422737

 

 

Lastly, your son has no right to abuse you. I understand your compassion for his unwell state. I am unsure re: the police refusing help, unless you charge him. I don't know if they are allowed to say that?! 

 

Do not let your son abuse you. If it comes to you having to charge him - better that. If  he goes one step too far next time he becomes physical he could end up going to jail for murder.

 

Have you considered the seriousness of how he is treating you?

 

 

Please continue to reach out. I don't know the solution. I know expressing yourself, & exposing what is going on for is extremely positive action.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Adult Mental Health

Hi , my problem is not exactly the same. I have been supporting my 31 year old daughter in all her difficulties.

She has always been very isolated.

Never fits in. 

Has been to many psychiatrists and psychologists and has only ever been diagnosed with anxiety.

Hasn't really ever held a permanent job for any length of time. Has just got a new job and within 1 week it is obvious everyone else has a problem with her. It is obvious they just can't stand her and want to get rid of her. I have always believed that if she doesn't have a disorder then she would be able to fix the problem so she could live a normal life. 

I believe she probably has a personality disorder that no workplace will tolerate however the health professionals can't see it.

Really don't know what to do.

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Adult Mental Health

Hi Tracy11, I think I could cut and paste your story and use it as my own. I'm sorry to read how hard it is for you. I share your pain.

 

My son is 19 and has battled mental health problems from the age of 9. Now he's an adult he can run his own race. He refuses to engage with health care providers. We are on this psycho-merry-go-round. Like your son he can present so well and stable to others, then be a completely different person in our home. His anger and aggression is terrifying.

 

I'm on my knees trying to find a way forward. I've even been chatting to Lifeline today. I feel that low. So many times I feel like giving up. Rinse and repeat...

 

I don't know where to turn or how to support him to get better.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. It's helped me a little to know I'm not alone. 

 

I'm sorry I don't have any answers.

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