Lived Experience Forum

[Nightingale]

Hi, I'm new here and wanting a safe place to talk about my mental health. I think that I have Schizophrenia but may have been misdiagnosed with psychotic depression. I have been told that it usually starts around 18-21 yrs of age. It all started when I was 18 and experienced what I think was a psychotic episode.  I had always been a happy girl with no major mental health issues. But always feeling high, euphoric almost then one day out of the blue I had a telepathic voice like experience in my head that didn't belong to me talking to me about me, It was like someone had hijacked my brain and was talking into my head. It was so distressing and confusing; I don;t think that I ever healed from that experience. What it was telling me was so distressing that I had a major breakdown about the content of the voice in my head I thought that God was literally coming to get me I was so terrified that I curled up into a ball.  I plunged into deep depression and couldn't concentrate. The breakdown felt like it blew a fuse in my brain and I struggle with thinking and concentrating. I couldn't think about anything else It's hard to describe what this felt like. I couldn't talk to anyone about the experience, all I could say was "there was this voice".  A large part of my brain still feels blocked and shut down and I struggle to cope with this everyday, somedays I feel dyfunctional.   I do have episodes where I have like a voice in my head like someone inside my head talking to me, It gets worse when I'm stressed out and at night. The antidepressant that I take stops me visually hallucinating which is something that has just started in the last 18 months. The antidepressant also stops me from feeling that everyone is looking at me, watching me being critical of me. when I come of it the visual hallucinatons start again which freak me out and I have a feeling that people are watching me. I feel that my thinking is so slow and it;s hard to concentrate and my thoughts go blank when I'm conversing, it's like my thoughts evaporate. Thank you for letting me talk. My new GP doesn't seem to be able to help me.

[HenryX]

Hello @Nightingale 

You will find the forum to be safe. It is with anonymity in mind that we use pseudonyms and avatars. While your situation is not one about which I am familiar, I did want to write you a note to let you know that your post has been received. Your situation is one that a number of members on the forum deal with in their own lives. So, I believe that you will find, when they become aware of your post, you will have a number of those members with whom you can connect and discuss the issues that you face.

Some members also have symptoms that cross the, sometimes seemingly arbitrary boundaries, between different diagnoses, which will mean that you will likely have the opportunity to talk about those sorts of

“diagnosis labelling issues”.

You have given a fairly detailed description of your symptoms, which I think is great, because that gives other members sufficient information to be able to discuss similarities and differences between symptoms that each experiences.

I rejoined the forum in February this year. Since then, I have been gradually familiarising myself with the site, however, I still have a good deal to learn. Other members and I will also be pleased to answer or find answers to any questions or queries about the site functions that you may have. So please ask, if you have such questions or queries.

When responding to someone else's post, it is helpful to use their forum address, in order to inform them of, and alert them to your post. To add a forum address to a response, type the symbol @ in the reply box. A drop-down menu will appear with the forum addresses of those members who have been active in the thread to which you are responding. When other members "tag" to alert you, there will be a number in a circle against the word "New", to the right of the words "Guidelines & Info", near the top right of the page. Click on "New" to get to the "Notifications" page where messages in which you have been tagged, or threads to which you have subscribed, are listed.

Forum name      =        Nightingale  ,   HenryX

Forum address  =   @Nightingale , @HenryX 

I look forward to corresponding with you again soon.

With My Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[frog]

Hi @Nightingale I'm glad you found the forum.

@HenryXis right it's definitely a safe space. You are very welcome here.

I've found GP's highly variable when it comes to mental health. I had an excellent one who has left and I can't find, which is sad. He just got it, and also had a really constructive working relationship with my psychiatrist. Have you seen a psychiatrist? It sounds like the medication you're on is helping to some extent, but psychiatrists are the go to for that. I have had Bipolar 1 since 15, and was diagnosed 31 years later. Then it took 2 years to sort out the meds, but that has made a big difference, along with an exceptional psychologist who really helps me process things.

If the GP can't help, maybe ask for referrals to psychiatrist and psychologist. It can be hit and miss but once you find someone you can trust and is a good fit for you it can be life changing. All the best.

[Nightingale]

I am grateful that I take at least an antidepressant which keeps me functioning and even that took a while to find the right one. I saw a Psychiatrist though the public sector at the commencement of last year and they kept me on the antidepressants. Maybe a Private Psychiatrist would be better for me despite the cost.

[Nightingale]

I have found that there is still a lot of stigma around mental health conditions. When I mentioned the hallucinations to my new GP, I got the impression that I was a huge challenge in that he was out of his depth. It's a shame because the brain is an organ that becomes affected by chemical imbalance and dysfunction just like any other organ in our body. I wanted to join the forum because as I said of the stigma which sadly persists. I think that that sort of thing sucks, because it takes a lot of courage, strength and resilience to live an everyday life and at the same time time cope with mental illness.

[HenryX]

Hello @Nightingale 

It seems that you were also up fairly late last night/early this morning. The conditions that we each address in our own ways, do have quite a range of effects that can be quite common, such as disruption to, what might be referred to as, “normal sleep patterns”.

"

You have referred to a variety of responses, from various health practitioners, to the way that you have described your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. On one occasion, I had a young doctor tell me that I didn't need the antidepressant (AD) that he referred to as “happy pills”, for which I needed a new prescription. It had also taken some trial and error for the correct type of AD, for me, to be found. He said he'd “tried them” and they had improved his mood and happiness. Presumably, he had only taken one type that had, I believe, more by good luck than considered and informed application and decision, given him some sort of high. It would have been interesting to see if he retained his opinion, had he taken a variety, among which there are strong cautions against taking one straight after another (SSRI's & MAOI's) Had he done so, he may have been better informed and less cavalier in his attitude.

"

The attitude of that doctor was, I believe, what perpetuates negative attitudes towards people suffering mental health challenges. On the other hand, there are doctors who freely admit and acknowledge that mental health issues are not within their range of expertise. I actually admire people who are prepared to acknowledge the limits of their scope of practice, and are prepared to refer a client/patient on to a specialist in the field required. I definitely see a considerable difference between stigma, on the one hand, and an open acknowledgement of limit of expertise. I would even see the avoidance, by a medical practitioner, unqualified in mental health treatments, of venturing into an area of limited expertise, as an appropriate level of caution. It is possible that, such a reservation on the part of a doctor, could be misconstrued as alienation or stigmatisation. That would not, in most cases, have been the desired perception to have been conveyed to the client/patient.

"

I do agree that there still remain some elements of stigmatisation today. However, on another thread, we spoke about the fact that we are only fifty years from the time when mental health issues were dealt with behind close doors, in institutions referred to as asylums. When viewed from this perspective, we have come a very long way. It is interesting to look at sources of information with web searches such as “How has mental health changed in the last 20 years” or “Development of Mental Health Treatment”.

"

Fifty years may seem a long time to a person who is twenty years of age. For me, fifty years is 5/7ths of my life, and becoming an increasingly smaller proportion.

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One of the special characteristics of the forums is that we can very openly discuss, debate, compare and contraset our ideas, thoughts and experiences. In this way we all benefit from the discussion.

"

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

CC: @frog