All the good stuff - health, wellness, stuff that makes you feel the good feels

[Azalea]

Hi all, 

With ANZAC Day coming up, I thought it might be helpful to start a conversation about things we've done that have helped us heal. A lot of the stuff that helped me was suggested in conversation with mates, or suggested by a healthcare provider even though I thought they were full of it at the time - and I had to go back to say to them ok you were right.

My biggest help that shocked me was an anger management course. I was in denial about having anger issues until different people in the group started talking about things that made them snap. I thought it was all normal! Road rage, getting pissed off at the kids being too noisy, getting annoyed when people took too long to do things or understand things, going off because something distracted me from what I was focused on.

Taking up photography also surprised me. I didn't know what grounding and mindfulness was, sounded stupid to me at first. Nature photography made me feel so happy, and in hindsight I realised it was because I was focused on the small things I was taking photos of and not thinking about anything else, didnt notice the sunshine on my skin, the fresh air I was breathing, the crunching of the ground under my feet, the sounds and smells of nature, noticing even more smaller things when editing the photos afterward. I had to learn that part in therapy but now I know!

Fitness. We all hear everyone bang on about it but I can't deny moving my body made me feel and look much better. Another thing I had to do to understand. And even learned I DONT hate running!

Connection. I isolated myself for SO long, thought I hated other humans. But I cant deny the dopamine high I get when I hang out with my mates and meet new people.

Going on from connection kind of, but the realisation that being conditioned to think civilians are less than us was a big lie! I realise now its to forge strong bonds with our team mates, but my god it was unhealthy when I discharged, and it was such a negative when I was beginning therapy! I cant trust this civvy psych, what would they know! I have SO many "civvy" mates now, and funny thing is we have so many similar experiences, they just happen wearing different clothes! 

First responders. I did group therapy with some first responders and learned they are just like us. One big difference though, they face horrible humans who want to hurt them every day of their lives, not just on deployment. I guess thats why their dark humour is just like ours.

My last point from that is group therapy. I was SO embarrassed to speak about things at first, but hearing other people share their stories in group therapy made me realise I'm not alone. Realising someone else had gone through negative stuff made me feel less embarrassed and ashamed about it and helped me speak about things. I spoke about an experience that I was ashamed about and had the toughest dude in the room tell me what I did experienced was way worse than what he did and it floored me. Now I know that being validated is also a big healer.

What is something that helped you heal?

Or something you thought was silly at first but actually helped? 

[0ddsidian]

Wow @Azalea ! I love this post.

The thing I relate most to is connection, but specifically feeling not alone. Growing up with a parent in the ADF (about 30 years) and moving so frequently, I wasn't able to maintain connections with others. I was good at creating new surface level connections (out of necessity) but it never got deeper, and I was never able to truly be myself. None of my friends understood what it was like for me; they all had civvy parents, had the same friends all of their lives. It created a subconscious sense of isolation. It wasn't until my mid-20's that I really understood how this impacted every aspect of my ability to connect.

In adulthood I had to lean more into other parts of my identity; I'm not just a military kid. Recognising those other parts helped me be more open to connecting with a wider range of people. As I explored more parts of my identity, I found I was able to connect more and more, deeper and deeper.

That military kid is still in me. She's the reason I'm so passionate about the mental health of serving / ex-serving ADF members and their families. She has taught me a lot. But she's not EVERY part of my identity.

So I guess my overall answer to "what has helped me?" would be recognising, understanding and exploring the other parts of me that make up my identity. And I guess I'm overall a pretty silly human, so I guess that's the "silly" thing that helped me heal 😋

[Azalea]

Oh wow, I never considered connection and identity being an issue for our kids, thank you for explaining it so well. This will be so good for other military parents to read too. A hard truth but a necessary one. 

We all have so much to learn from

eachother here, I’m so glad this space is here. 

[0ddsidian]

@Azalea Absolutely! All of this impacts the whole family (and friends too), just in different ways and degrees.

Just as a tip to help you connect with others and to make sure they see your replies to their posts; it's good to tag (use the @ symbol and the username) when responding to people. Otherwise sometimes people won't see your responses. My username is particularly tricky (unintentionally I swear!); it has a zero at the beginning instead of the letter O. If you're using a computer, often you can just put the @ symbol in and it will come up with a list of people who have recently contributed to this thread.

[Azalea]

@0ddsidian oops thanks for the reminder, I’m too used to social media that does it for me haha 

[yggdrasil]

Great post, thank you @Azalea 

What surprised me in recovery is my newfound love for art and craft. I’ve met many veterans who use art, leatherwork, painting, drawing, beadwork, pottery etc to ground themselves. Art has become an important part to manage and also process PTSD.

[Azalea]

Thanks @yggdrasil 

Yes you're so right! I have some artist friends who have used it to help them heal too. It's great seeing veteran charities like ANVAM promoting it too.

[Magpie22]

@Azalea 

Great post. And I love the list of things that help you. 

I love to connect with nature - even if it’s just walking the dog in the local park. I love trees and birds. My favourite place in the world is in my parents back yard where they have an enormous mango tree (it’s probably nearly 100 years old). Under the mango tree is a bird bath. If you sit under the tree you can see and hear birds. It’s so grounding. 

I used to enjoy exercise but some health and mental health issues have left me very overweight. This has not only impacted my self esteem but also my ability to exercise. I used to be a parkrun addict but I can’t actually manage 5km at the moment. But I’m seeing an exercise physiologist at the gym once a week and I’ve just started Frontline Yoga.  For anyone who isn’t aware, Frontline Yoga is a free yoga class for veterans and families. They have face to face and online classes. 
(https://frontlineyoga.com.au/). I am hoping that I can build up from there. 

I also have a great therapist. I e seen a few over the years and I know now what a good therapist feels like for me so I am not afraid to be fussy about who I see. 

And yes, yes, yes to connection. I value solitude but that’s not the same as loneliness. I have been lonely when surrounded by people - feeling disconnected is really hard. Im

lucky now I have some very great people in my life and I’m now ok to reach out and say “do you want to hang out” 

[ploak]

fitness has helped me heal
every day i was doing PT in the army - whether i liked it or not - i was helping my mind. left the army, started to act like a slug, getting depressed. started back up a cardio regime and realised this was it. sure it's only temporary but positive state of mind afterwards is undeniable

[tyme]

That's so great to hear that fitness helped you @ploak I hear you let go the fitness a bit but then you re-found its benefits!

Are there other things you also find helpful?