Safe Haven

[Former-Member]

I'm still having good days @outlander - thanks for asking - it's a really nice place to be after so many years of feeling the darkness around me. It's quite peculiar. I had this funny feeling in my insides and I thought I must have been getting sick again, then I realised it was because I didn't have the sinking heavy weight of anxiety pulling me down! 

It's not always gone, but there are times it's gone. and it's not as weighty as it's been. I've actually done some things (a coupld of phone calls) that normally would cause massive migraines and trembling and have ended up feeling good that I could do it. 

I think I've burnt out my adrenals, that's got to be the answer. I hit rock bottom the other week, and I think this is the result. Whatever, it's not a bad place to be and we'll see how long it lasts and what I can achieve while I'm in this place of quietude. 

I hope you can find some solace in your days and nights hon. I note you are feelling things strongly. Be well, look after you as much as you can. 

[outlander]

thats really great @Former-Member  your entitled to have bad days anyway. mh is a cow and is unpredicatable. 

im proud of you for making those phone calls and getting through all of this   keep your crafts coming too,  love seeing those

[Former-Member]

What an interesting period of time this last week or so has been. The four year anniversary of my official name change happened the other day, I got out my new birth certificate for another look. It's quite an interesting feeling to know I am renamed with a name of my choosing. 

The issue with the sleep testing data service has been fixed and I have a new appointment date for next week. We shall see. I'm not depending on anything or anyone anymore. 

There have been some wonderful moments for me with various people here on the SANE forum, and I am so thankful for their support and kindnesses. Some won't even know they helped me with their actions. 

I'm taking a step back from interacting here on the forum, but I am still interested in helping those who have interacted with kindness and respect toward me, you'll just need to tag me so I get your email telling me of your posts.

Please, do tag me to your posts if you are one of those kind and respectful people. I don't want to tag people here, it has been a touchy day for me and others and I don't want to add any further to it. 

[outlander]

hi @Former-Member i seen you pop up not too long ago and wanted to see how your going?  i know you werent going to be online much the next few days so im not sure if your online atm..

[outlander]

oops your post come up while i was writing mine! @Former-Member please dont stay away too long but you need to do whats right for you and i respect and understand that for sure i will miss you

[Former-Member]

I'm here, tidying up some loose ends for now @outlander. I'm not travelling very well, today started out well then went to ....  I'm a bit lost, but expect I'll work it out, I usually do. can't write about it ... too many people take things way out of context. 

We posted in each other's threads about the same time.  

HOpe your day has been kind to you, sweetie. 

[outlander]

mustve been thinking the same thing @Former-Member i seen you pop up and was trying to find your thread and while i was posting so were you lol. thats ok you dont have to talk about it. 

is there anything i can help you with tonight at all even just to listen? 

[Former-Member]

Thank you so much you precious girl! @outlander but no, there's nothing I can talk about here, not even going sideways at it. 

I'm going to go have a shower and vent to the walls.

I'll only log in if there is an email to respond to, but even then I'm not sure when it might be safe enough to dare here again.

Sooo sooo much I want to say, but I'm too polite, or it would be doing exactly what has been done to me, or it would break the guidelines, so I'll be quiet and be a good girl. 

Look after each other, I'll be back when and if I can. 

[outlander]

ill miss you. i do hope you come back when you can. please look after yourself too and keep up those beautiful crochets of yours too @Former-Member im/we are here for you whenever you need. please tag me if you come online

[Former-Member]

 Thank you to everyone who has been here to support me. 

After chatting iwth my flat mate, I have been shown how to regain some sense of autonomy here in what was to be something of a Safe Haven for me. 

As tagging can at some level, be used as taunting, with my flat mates' help, email filters are being set at server level, to block triggering things including tags and subject matters. 

I am doing this for my own safety and will, at this stage, and thanks to this modification, feel I might be safe enough to come back from time to time.