Safe Haven

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh @Former-Member ..... that is appalling .... ☹️😔😨😡 ..... so hard to understand the lack of empathy in some people ..... grrrr .....

I could get up onto a soapbox here, but I won’t .... I doubt it would make you feel any better, but hopefully slathering yourself with moisturiser and putting on comfortable nightie / jammies will ..... 

Good grief !!

[Former-Member]

it just beggars belief @Faith-and-Hope -  now I have to move the gp appointment back too, it takes 2 weeks for the data to come through - at least. 

Thank you for your supportive outrage, it does make me feel better knowing there's not something wrong with me for feeling the way I do just now. 

I'll wait for the image ... probably will log out and come back to check later as I just need to get my head some where else for a bit. 

My ghast is well and truly flabbered .... again.

I'm at a total loss, there must be something wrong with me to not be able to take this all in my stride the way I'm expected to. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I disagree @Former-Member ..... I think we reach saturation point .... and then “taking things in our stride” becomes like wading thigh-deep in ocean currents with heavy jeans and thick jumper on .....

I don’t know anyone who could have taken what I have come through “in their stride”, and what I have encountered in life is not a patch on some other people’s stories .....

You give yourself a heart-hug and barrel into self-care tonight Hon ..... look after you ..... you matter and you are worth it .....

P.S. .... the image is of Snoopy .... agreeing with both of us .....

❣️

[eth]

Sending warm wishes @Former-Member.  I think you're an amazing survivor.  I resonate with parts of your story.  And you write really well.  Brave you.  

I just read the more recent pages on this thread (above was written after reading the first few pages) - you must be feeling so frustrated tonight.  Bugger them for not letting you know they couldn't do it before you prepped yourself.  I've had the sleep study done so I understand the anxiety about it too.  It's crazy that they think we can sleep with all those wires attached to us!  But I was glad overall that I had it done.  It ruled out some possible issues.  Hopefully it will do that for you too.

I had a very premmie baby who had recurrent apnoeas too so I feel for you about that too.  Mine also has a little one of their own now, and another on the way.  It's incredible how bubs with such a rough start can turn into really strong young people.

Take care tonight x

[Bella1978]

@Former-Member

oh sweetheart, you have had such an emotional day. im so sorry luv. i wish you hadnt been messed around the way you were.

you never have to justify the way you fee. we all have different ways of reacting to things, and we all have a threshold in terms of what is manageable stress in our lives. there is definintely nothing wrong with you, nothing at all.

thinking of you sweets xxxxxxxxxxxx

[outlander]

@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Thank you so much @Faith-and-Hope - I read your response last night and it helped a lot. Your description of wading through water like that resonated so, so well. thank you for your support, I so appreciate it.

Since starting this process of asking for help I took on this year, I've been told so often how easy all these things are and that I shouldn't be causing myself so much distress about things that aren't that important. 

It's so disheartening when those saying those things to me are mthe people I'm going to for assistance (help) with moving forward in my life to better manage these mental health issues that have been laid down layer upon layer, through experience, over time. 

Snoopy is always smile worthy! 

Thank you for your kind and supportive words @eth 

@Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Bella1978 @eth @Teej 

Thank you all so much for your kindness and support, it helped me through last night and again today. I'd like to say more but I'm still a but numb and dont' seem to be able to say what I want to say. 

I managed to push myself into doing some worthwhile things so I won't feel worse about feeling so awful. My fresh ginger that I'd ordered to make my beloved Pickled Ginger, arrived two days ago and I had to put it aside because of everything, so I used that to get me out of bed this morning and do something. I would have been very upset if I had had to toss any of it out because I didn't make myself get to it in time. 

I did it in stages - divided it into 2kg lots instead of doing all of it in one go. So, 2kg peeled, mandolined into thin thin slices (no damage to my fingers, as I was ultra careful knowing I was not totally together). Did all the necessary soaking, blanching, sterilising of jars & lids, boiling of vinegar mixture and bottling. 

Now I do have a lovely amount of Japanese Pickled Ginger or Gari, which is one of the most favourite condiments I know of. You can buy it, but it always has artificial sweetener which I loathe, so I learned to make and stockpile my own. 

I still can't get excited about it like I usually do, but it's a help that I now have some on hand as I'd been out of it for a month or so. 

[outlander]

sounds like a productive day today @Former-Member hope your feeling a little better tonight 

[eth]

Yum @Former-Member  I love pickled ginger too.  Hope you are feeling better today.  You're really good at finding activities even when feeling down.  Much better than I am.  Give yourself a pat on the back 

[Former-Member]

Thank you @eth and @outlander for your kindnesses.

That image is so pretty and peaceful Outlander. thank you for sharing.

Eth, thank you, unfortunately, doing something to drag myself out of the mire is the only thing I know to do to help myself. I wish I had more/ other skills that would work because it's really hard work pushing myself like that. 

I don't know how others manage it, I have to make a decision about how I intend the next moment/ hour/ day/ night to be and work out a way to manage to achieve that. Sometimes it's sleep, but usually it's do something that will have a 'feel good' outcome. I've never self harmed, never used substances, except probably food, to feel better, just pushed myself to 'do something' productive so I have an outcome to see and value. 

Some of the methods I used to use, especially to feel a sense of belonging are no longer viable, or useful to me.

Thus I am left to my own devices and to discover what might or might not work to help me gain a 'lift' to reach that next step out of the mire.